11
The tears have finally stopped, but my mind hasn’t. I lie in my bed, replaying what went down at the hotel. I don’t understand how I didn’t see that coming? I’ve only known him a week, and I’ve already grown attached to him, but that doesn’t mean I know everything about him. I mean, he was still sleeping with his old assistant and hadn’t said a word to me about it. He led me to believe I might be special to him, but apparently I’m not.
I sigh again and shift restlessly, unable to find a comfortable spot.
“Anna, you going to tell me what happened, or do you prefer to keep us both awake all night with your longing sighs?” Quinn mumbles from her bed. “It’s bad enough you’ve been a puddle of tears since I got home. What’s up?”
I take a deep breath and sigh again. I don’t want to annoy her any more than I already have. Maybe if I talk about it, I can calm down enough to sleep. “It’s Xavier…”
“That much I figured. Want to talk about it?” The concern in her voice is almost enough to make me want to cry again.
“He’s been sleeping with his assistant.” I choke back a tear. “I know we aren’t a couple—that we’re just friends—but it hurt. I didn’t know he was…seeing someone.”
She turns on the lamp on her nightstand and leans up on her side to face me. “He what?! Are you kidding me right now? I’m going to kill him.”
“He really didn’t do anything wrong. I knew we are just friends. It’s my fault for allowing myself to grow attached.” I shake my head, and the tears burn my skin as they roll down my temples.
“Now you’re just talking crazy.” Quinn flings her feet over the side of her twin bed and focuses her gaze on me as I lie on the twin air mattress on her floor. “X is chasing you, Anna. Any idiot can see that. Seems to me that he’s a selfish man who was having his cake and eating it too—that is until you found out. Don’t you for one second put any blame on yourself for feeling something for him. X made it damn near impossible for you not to. The man is relentless in his pursuit.”
She’s right. From the moment I met him on the plane, he’s been impossible for me to shake. Xavier has been a constant in my life since I got here. Maybe all the emotion I’m feeling for him is just an excuse my brain is making to cover up all the feelings I’ve been avoiding since I left home—ones I’m not ready to deal with just yet.
I wipe my eyes. “It all makes sense now, you know.”
She tilts her head. “What does?”
“He kept telling me that he’s a bad person and that I shouldn’t trust him. I should’ve listened, huh?” The burn in my chest from my broken heart still lingers. “I guess I need to stop being so trusting and believing everyone is good.”
Quinn shakes her head. “No, Anna. That’s what makes you so special. You’re one of the sweetest people I know. You’re practically a saint compared to the rest of us. Don’t allow one a*shole to ruin that for you. One of these days, you’ll find a guy who will appreciate you.”
What if I messed up my one shot with a good guy already? The way I left Portland behind because I couldn’t picture marrying a man who I didn’t truly love flits through me. Jorge is sweet. Sure, he doesn’t have that all-consuming effect on me like Xavier does, but at least he was safe, and he never made me feel like this. Ever.
“Maybe I already found him and let him go. Jorge wouldn’t have treated me like this. Maybe coming out here was a mistake.”
Quinn comes over and sits next to me—the air mattress sinking a little beneath her weight. She brushes my hair away from my face, and a sad smile plays on her lips.
“I know you don’t mean that. Don’t let being hurt by a man make you doubt your decision to be here. You came here to experience an unsheltered life, and while I don’t promise life here won’t come with its bumps and unexpected turns, I do promise it’ll be an amazing and freeing ride. Promise me you won’t let what X did make you throw away that chance to find yourself. Don’t go running back to Jorge just because it’s the ‘safe’ thing to do.”
There’s no mistaking the look of compassion in her eyes. If I turn tail and run back home, I would not only be letting myself down, but Quinn as well. And I don’t want to do that. Besides, she’s right. Deep down, I know she is. I need to take this as a lesson and learn from it while I stick it out here.
“I promise.”
“Good.” Quinn hugs me against her. “Our fun together is just getting started and I would hate it if you left now.”
I smile at her. “We do need to hang out more. I’m sorry I’ve been so occupied lately. Xavier is a pretty consuming man.”
“We’re going to change that.” Quinn pushes herself off the mattress and snuggles back down in her own bed. “Tomorrow night you and I are going out. Now that Mr. X is out of the picture, we’ll start having girl’s nights out.”
In the silence of the room, my thoughts drift back to Xavier, and the events of the evening. The oddity of it all still puzzles me. Why doesn’t he stay at his own house? Why a hotel? None of it makes any sense to me. I wish I could just stop thinking about him, but I can’t. It would make forgetting him a whole lot easier.
“Quinn, can ask your opinion about something?” I ask.
“Shoot,” she answers simply.
I go right for the one question that keeps lingering on my mind. “Do you think Xavier is married or something?”
She quiet for a moment as though she’s contemplating her reply. “He better not be or, seriously, I will shank him. What makes you think he is?”
I shrug. “Tonight he said he has a house here in Detroit, but that he never stays there—that he actually pays people to take care of it while he stays at a hotel. Don’t you think that’s strange? Why wouldn’t someone stay in their own home if they could?”
She nods and her eyes drift up to the ceiling like she’s searching for answers. “Yes, but I don’t think he’s hiding a family or anything. There would be some trace of it on the Internet if he was.”
“True. I just can’t make any sense of it.”
“Don’t waste your time thinking about him anymore, Anna.” She leans over and flips off the light. “He doesn’t deserve it.”
She’s right—I know that—but how can I tune Xavier out when he’s weaseled his way into my heart? Getting over him and his betrayal will take time. I can’t stop thinking about him just because he’s a big jerk.
I roll over and sigh, hoping a good night’s sleep will help erase some of the good memories I have of Xavier, so I can start completely hating him and move on with my new life.
Being slammed at Larry’s is a welcomed distraction. There’s not much time to wallow in the fact that I’ll never see Xavier again or mope about ending things on such a horrible note. As much as I want to hate him, I can’t. It’s not in me. Besides, he wasn’t mine, so it wasn’t like I had some sort of claim on him. I allowed things to get out of hand in my own head, believing there was more going on between us than the friendship we’d officially established.
“Something wrong, Anna?” Tyler asks as he slides table four’s order over to me through the window.
I shake my head, breaking myself out of my own thoughts. “No, I’m great. Just a little tired, that’s all.”
He nods and a blond curl falls across his forehead. “Does your knee hurt?”
“My knee?” I glance down and remember falling with the tray yesterday. That feels like a lifetime ago. All my personal drama has steered my mind away from my little mishap at work yesterday. “Oh, no, it’s fine. That’s very sweet of you to ask.”
Tyler smiles shyly. “Just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”
“I honestly don’t see why you men fawn all over her. It was just a little fall,” Alice says while sliding in next to me to enter her order into the computer. “She only got a damn scratch.”
“Don’t be a jealous bitch, Alice,” Quinn warns, flanking my side. “I know it was you that tripped her yesterday. There’s nothing else there that she could’ve tripped on.”
Alice narrows her green eyes and shoves her red hair over her shoulder. “Prove it.”
Quinn glares at her. “One of these days you’re going to get fired, and I hope I’m there to laugh my ass off when you do.”
Alice crosses her arms over her chest. “We’ll see which one of us gets fired first.”
I don’t miss the ice in her voice as I detect her threat. I know Alice holds a lot of power around here, but would Andy seriously fire Quinn because Alice told him to? I hoped not, but like Quinn said, men seem to do almost anything for her.
“Ladies? Is there a problem?” Andy asks as appears next to Tyler in the kitchen.
Alice smiles sweetly at Andy, instantly making my stomach turn at just how fake she really is, while Quinn shakes her head. “No problem, Andy. Just a little girl talk. You know how we get.”
Andy rolls his eyes and pops a couple antacids in his mouth. “Talk on your own time, then. Get back to work.”
Quinn begins to turn away, but the moment Andy is out of earshot Alice growls, “This isn’t over, bitch.”
Quinn, never the one to back down from speaking her mind turns in her direction with a heated expression. “Bring it. Any. Time. I’m not scared of you.”
With a huff, Alice spins away from us and returns to her position behind the bar, flirting with every male customer in sight.
“Are you the only person that ever stands up to her around here?” I ask Quinn, still feeling intimidated.
She shrugs. “I’ve been here longer. From day one I didn’t tolerate her shit, and she’s been threatening to have me fired since then.”
“I thought you said Alice always gets her way?”
“Her bully tactics work on a lot of people, but I always stand up to her. I don’t allow her to walk all over me. Threats from her mean very little to me anymore because as you can see…I’m still here.” She winks at me before scurrying off to check on her tables.
I stop dead in my tracks on the way back to my section the moment I spot Xavier sitting at a table in my section. For a moment I debate running to hide in the kitchen and begging Quinn to take over my tables, but I know on a busy night like tonight she’d hunt me down if I tried to double her work.
Xavier is just as sexy as always. His hair, styled into a wild, sexy mess, frames his ruggedly handsome face while his tight black t-shirt and jeans hug his chiseled muscles, reminding me of how solid they felt beneath my fingers last night. He absently taps his thumbs on the tabletop as he waits for me.
I swallow hard and force my legs forward toward his table. I might as well face him and get it over with. He’s here for a reason, so I need to find out why.
The moment our eyes meet, Xavier stiffens a bit in his seat. I can tell he’s nervous and he’s probably here to apologize, which is a start, but it doesn’t change the fact that I’ve learned my lesson about him. We are friends, nothing more. Well, if we can salvage what’s left of our friendship, that is.
I pull the order pad from the back pocket of my shorts as I approach him, planning to keep it strictly business. “Hey, what can I get you?”
Xavier frowns. “Can we talk?”
I sigh heavily and shake my head. “We’re slammed tonight, and I just took my last break.”
“Come on, Anna. Don’t be like that. Talk to me, please?”
I don’t get it. After last night, I thought I’d never see him again. He’s leaving tonight to go back on the road, so rehashing the events from yesterday isn’t something I thought I’d have to go through today. I’m not ready to have this conversation with him. It’s hard to even look at him knowing that he’s been with someone else. It hurts too much and I don’t want to keep getting my heart broken. I have to push him away.
“I think we said enough last night, don’t you?” I turn to walk away from him.
“Hey.” He reaches out and grabs my wrist, halting me in place. “Stay. Talk. Hear me out.”
I can’t allow more lies to fill my head. There needs to be space between us. “No. As a matter of fact, I would appreciate you moving out of my section. I refuse to deal with this at work.”
“Fine.”
Xavier shoves himself out of the booth but doesn’t head for the door like I expect. Instead he stalks off toward the bar. Alice dries her hands on a dishtowel and smirks at me as he sits down at the bar.
Damn him.
Alice leans across the bar to take Xavier’s drink order. He makes no attempt to hide the fact that he’s staring at her breasts as she gives him an eyeful with her v-neck, fitted t-shirt. A flirty smile plays along his lips as Alice reaches into the cooler and hands him a beer.
“Are you going to kill him, or should I?” I don’t even realize I’m clenching my jaw and staring intently at the situation unfolding in front of me until Quinn snaps me out of my daze.
Anger continues to bubble through me as I witness Xavier blatantly flirt with Alice in front of me. “Ugh. He infuriates me.”
Quinn puts her arms around my shoulders. “It’s for the best, Anna. He’s playing games and you don’t need that. No more crying over him. Ignore him, and he’ll eventually get the hint and leave.”
I close my eyes and a couple of tears stream down my face. I bat them away and pray for the power to be strong in his presence. I just have to get through this shift and then I’ll never have to see him again.
“You’re right.”
“That’s my girl. Pretend he’s one of Alice’s regulars and steer clear. He’ll get bored and be gone before you know it. Come on, we have orders waiting on us.”
I follow Quinn to the pick-up window and without even turning around, I know Xavier is watching me. The weight of his stare sends a tingle down my spine and I question if I’ll be able to really ignore him all night. The pull to him is still pretty damn strong.
Brock sets a couple more plates on the ledge and winks at Quinn. “Ladies.”
A blush fills Quinn’s cheeks, and it’s so adorable, I can’t help but smile.
I arrange the plates on my tray and turn around just in time to see Alice giggle at something Xavier said while resting her fingers on his forearm. The overwhelming desire to snatch her hand off him hits me, but I beat it away, remembering quickly that he’s not mine. He made that very clear.
Xavier takes a long pull from his beer, and his eyes flit over to mine, halting me for a beat before I straighten by back and march past him.
Alice doesn’t miss Xavier’s attention on me either. Her icy glare would freeze me in place if I wasn’t already so heated.
For the next hour or so things continue the same way—Xavier sitting at the bar drinking, while Alice does her best to entice him. All evening his eyes never leave me. Every time I glance in his direction, he’s openly watching me.
On my way to enter a food order, Xavier reaches out and snags my wrist as I walk by. “You ready to stop ignoring me yet?”
I tilt my head to the side. “Why? Don’t have enough company already?”
Out of the corner of my eye I see Alice cross her arms over her chest. She makes no attempt to pretend like she’s not watching our little exchange intensely, which irks me. What’s going on between me and Xavier is none of her business.
He doesn’t take his eyes away from mine. “You mean the bitchy bartender? That’s nothing. I’m sitting here killing time—waiting for you to get over yourself and talk to me.”
Get over myself? Is he serious right now? I did nothing to him. He needs to remember the reason I’m not speaking to him.
“Just like Deena was nothing?” I fire back.
“Exactly,” he says, his voice agitated. “Don’t you get it? Other women don’t mean a thing to me. You matter.”
I furrow my brow, confused by how he can make such a statement about me when it became quite clear last night that we barely know each other.
“Why?”
He sighs. “You’re sincere.”
I shake my head. “You can’t possibly know that about me. Not after a week.”
“Sometimes time is irrelevant in understanding the beauty of another person’s soul.” He pulls closer until my hip touches his outstretched knee. “Can you get off early? I would really like to spend some time with you before I have to leave. I don’t want us parting on bad terms. Your friendship means a lot to me. I don’t want to ruin it.”
Although I still don’t forgive him for lying to me about Deena, it would be nice to salvage our friendship. He was my first real friend in Detroit, after all. “I wish I could, but we’re still open for another two hours.”
Xavier’s lips push down into a frown, and he releases my wrist. “I understand.”
He closes his eyes and grimaces just for a moment like he’s in pain. The expression on his face almost makes me change my mind. I don’t want to hurt him, but I have to protect myself. We need a clean break.
He stands and fishes his wallet out of his back pocket before laying down a hundred dollar bill on the bar. He wraps his arms around me without permission and kisses the top of my head. “Goodbye, beautiful. I’ll miss you.”
I can’t bring myself to say the words. Telling him goodbye makes him leaving real…final. I’ll never see him again, but even as hurt as I was about him sleeping with Deena, I’m just not ready to fully shut him out.
My heart squeezes as I stare after Xavier. The urge to stop him surges through me, but I know allowing him to walk away without a fight is what’s best for both of us. I don’t think I have it in me to ever trust him again, and no relationship can ever work without trust.