My voice was barely a whisper. “I’m sorry.”
I wasn’t apologizing for my actions but for his pain. I felt helpless, knowing that I was the cause and unable to take it away.
After a long silent moment, Arys shook his head. “Don’t be. You’re right. I should have let you kill him the first time you had the chance.”
We both knew that though his words carried truth, he didn’t entirely believe them. I said nothing. What more could I say?
I’d watched once as a man ceased to love me the way I longed for him to love me.
My stomach turned, sick at the thought of Arys pulling away from me like that. What’s done was done. If this destroyed what he felt for me, I’d have no choice but to live with it. For eternity.
Chapter Nineteen
The wild young vampire fell at my feet, bursting into dust. I didn’t feel nearly as satisfied as I had hoped. Another one spawned by The Wicked Kiss, now unable to wreak havoc on the city I claimed as my own. These newborn vampires were running amok, thanks to Harley and those that called the Kiss home. Jez, Kale and I had been tracking them down and wiping them out one by one. Easy kills, lacking creativity and challenge.
Tonight the three of us had nabbed four of them. I had to shake my head at the waste of life. Though, we couldn’t turn away and allow the bloodlust to drive them to slaughtering innocents in the streets. I knew that hunger well, and a newborn vampire had little to no control over the urge. I could barely control my own.
“These kills are just too easy,” Kale commented from behind me. “Doesn’t it make you long for the rush of one that really gets you going?”
I shrugged and wiped at the blood spatters on my face and clothes. “It did at first.
Now, I just want to be done with them all.”
I hadn’t seen or heard from Arys in almost two weeks. Every night that came and went was like another nail in the coffin. I couldn’t accept what it meant. I just couldn’t.
Harley’s death haunted me. It lingered like a bad scent or a painful memory. I couldn’t escape it because it had cost me Arys.
“Let’s go for drinks.” Jez approached, a bloody stake in her hand. “I’m buying.”
It was tempting. Drowning my sorrows in a bottle of whiskey was right up my alley.
It was also false comfort. Still, Shaz was working his last night at Lucy’s Lounge, and my house was empty. Why not?
“What did you have in mind?” I looked from Jez to Kale, an eyebrow raised in expectation.
“Let’s hit the casino for shits and giggles. I bet Kale can find himself a drunken young thing to play with. We’ll get loaded, win some or lose some, and wake up with a hell of a hangover.” Jez put her arm around me, steering me toward Kale’s Camaro at the end of the block.
Two hours later, I’d lost two hundred bucks and won a pathetic twenty. It wasn’t looking good for me. I allowed Jez to drag me from the slot machines to the craps table. I followed her lead, having no idea of what I was doing. My biggest concern at that point was the waitress and my next drink.
I watched as Jez won more money than I’d even dared to gamble. Kale lingered near the blackjack table, occasionally trying his hand. He didn’t seem to be doing any better than I was. I became convinced that Jez was stealing our thunder.
She was so caught up in her winning streak, she didn’t even notice when we took our leave from gambling and moved to watch the cover band that played a series of top 40
songs. I certainly had no problem letting her foot the bill for the evening. Even though a part of me couldn’t stop thinking about Arys, wondering where he was and what he was doing, I felt content to be out with my friends attempting to have a good time.
I was more than a little tipsy but not to the point of raging drunk. I let Kale order me another drink as we listened to the clang of slot machines all around us. The flashing lights and loud people were both annoying and welcome.
“So,” Kale began after a few minutes had passed. “How are you really doing?
You’re so good at putting up a strong front, but you can’t be without feeling.”
“I’m existing.” I heard the words spoken in my voice, but they didn’t feel like mine.
“Does it hurt that Arys is MIA? Hell yeah. But, can I do anything about it? No. He’ll come around when he’s ready or maybe he won’t and that’s that. It’s over.”
Kale leaned closer so as not to have to raise his voice quite so loudly over the music.
His scent filled me, but my wolf lay quiet, taking no interest in him. It was always the vampire coiled like a snake in my soul that thrilled at Kale’s close proximity. I sighed and ignored the unbidden thoughts that danced in my head.
“Arys left town over a week ago. Please tell me you had some idea. I don’t want to be the first to tell you.”
I met Kale’s eyes, finding sympathy and hating it. I wasn’t an emotional charity case.