I was instantly on full alert. His remark made me suspicious, and I felt my stomach drop. “What are you saying, Arys?”
The energy moved in slow circles around us, like a tornado building. It sought to draw us closer, to unite us in all ways. I resisted. It was almost painful to do so. I waited for him to tell me what I already knew. He didn’t want to, I could see that. So, I rushed on.
“If I go after Harley, I don’t have you at my back, do I?”
He groaned and looked away. “Don’t do anything stupid, Alexa. You've got to know you can’t take him. Not now. Maybe if you were…”
He let the words trail off, but I knew what he’d been about to say: if I were a vampire. That damned day would come, and I was not about to rush it. Arys was wrong. I knew it in every part of me.
“Well according to Harley, I do have enough power to take him. I just don’t know how to use it yet. And, if you’re not willing to help me, which you clearly are not, then I will do it without you.”
My entire body vibrated. I felt sick. Knowing I couldn’t count on Arys to back me hurt more than I would ever admit out loud. It killed me.
“Are you asking me to choose between you and him?” Arys asked, his eyes flashing beneath the streetlights. “You know I don’t give a damn about him. Not the way you think I do.”
“Then why are we having this conversation?” I shouted the words; my voice strained, and my pulse pounding. I ignored the group of smokers near the door. “What the f**k is such a big deal that it has you running to him like it’s the good old days? Why are you spending your nights at the Kiss, playing blood games like you’re no better than he is? And why … Why are you ok with hurting me like this?”
I cringed, wanting to snatch back my words. When his face fell, my heart dropped, too. I’d thought I’d known emotional agony with Raoul, when I’d been no more than one of many women. This, this was a whole different kind of pain. I felt my own, and I felt Arys’. Our bond never stopped. It had no bounds.
“Alexa,” Arys spoke with steel in his tone. “I am in love with you. You are inside me, in my mind, my body, my entire being. I can never escape you. Even when I want to.
Even when I try to.”
I opened my mouth to speak, but he held up a hand, silencing me effectively. I gave a frustrated growl and paced ten feet away and back again. He waited until I stopped before continuing.
“Sometimes, I don’t know where you end and I begin anymore. And, it f**king scares me.” His voice shook, and I recognized the waves rolling off him as fear. “I haven't felt this close to human in over three hundred years, and to be honest, I’m not liking it. I feel like I am running from myself and getting nowhere. I’m feeling things and thinking things that are not who I am. They are you.”
I felt relieved to hear him say that. I’d been feeling very alone and isolated lately.
“Welcome to my world, honey. Do you think it’s easy to combat everything I've gained from you? I’m losing my mind, and when I need you, you’re not there.”
I don’t know what I expected from him. I think I was hoping for some TV drama reconciliation. I was bitterly disappointed.
“I can’t be,” he said heavily. “I need to deal with this shit, too. In my own way. You are my wolf and don’t think for a minute that I regret what we have. I just need some time to deal with it.”
What the f**k? Was I being dumped? Isn’t that the kind of shit guys said when they wanted to be rid of you?
I shook my head, backing away and almost stumbling in the process. My brain was foggy from both confusion and whiskey. He gave me this apologetic look, and I wanted no sympathy from him. How dare he do this to me after I’d been the one resisting his persistent advances?
“Alexa?”
“No.” I shook my head, fury filling me when tears stung the back of my eyes. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Arys’ way of dealing was by running to Harley and having a ménage of blood, death and God only knew what else. His way of dealing was by shutting me out. And, he expected me to understand that?
“Alexa, wait!”
I turned my back on him and headed for the street beyond the parking lot. I didn't get far before he grabbed me and forced me to face him. Pressed against him, I was torn between the urge to slap him and to kiss him.
He kissed me before I could decide. Our power crashed over us like a thunderstorm that could not be contained. I felt like I was drowning in it, unable to breathe or to react. I did react though. I kissed him back with everything I had in me.
I was desperately afraid that if I didn’t savor this moment, I might not get another chance to. He was right about one thing. It was near impossible to tell anymore what was me and what was him. Why couldn’t he see that that was exactly why I needed him so badly?
“Don’t walk away mad,” he whispered against my lips.
I crumpled against him, breathing his scent deeply. “Let me go.”
“I can’t. I don’t want to.”
“But, you already have.”