“I don’t need to be,” she told him. “I can’t have kids. It’s a medical thing. Technically, if all the planets aligned, on the day of an eclipse, with the aliens landing, it could happen. The phrase ‘one in a million’ was tossed around.”
She gave Finn credit. He didn’t back away or even look ridiculously relieved. Instead, sympathy crossed his face and he said, “I’m sorry.”
“Me, too. I always wanted kids. A regular family. I am at heart someone who planned to be a mother.”
There it was, she thought, the sadness. When she first found out what was wrong with her, she thought she might drown in it. The sadness had overwhelmed her, sucking the life from her. Despite all her training, all the classes and papers and lectures, she’d never truly understood depression. She’d never understood how a person could lose all hope.
Now she knew. There had been days when she had barely been able to move. Taking her own life or hurting herself wasn’t part of her personality. But pulling herself out of a constant state of apathy had been one of the hardest things she’d ever had to do.
“There’s more than one way to get what you want,” he told her. “But then you already know that.”
“I do. I tell myself that all the time. On my good days, I believe me.” She studied him. “You, on the other hand, aren’t looking for a family at all.”
“A good guess or your professional assessment?”
“Both. Am I wrong?”
“No. Been there, done that.”
His words made sense, she thought. Finn had been forced to take on unexpected responsibility at a time in his life when he had planned to play. Why would he want to start over, with a new family?
A good reminder, she told herself. She liked Finn. They’d had fun together. But they wanted very different things, and if she continued to spend time with him, she needed to remember that. The last thing she needed right now was a broken heart.
“Have I freaked you out?” she asked.
“No. Were you trying to?”
She laughed. “No. Not really. I just don’t want things to be awkward between us.”
“They’re not.”
“Good.” She moved a little closer, then looked up at him. “Because the other night was really fun.”
One eyebrow raised. “I thought so, too. Want to do it again sometime?”
Sex with a man who definitely wasn’t staying? All the fun with none of that commitment? She’d never been that kind of girl. Maybe it was time for that to change.
She smiled. “I think I would.”
CHAPTER SIX
DAKOTA COULDN’T REMEMBER the last time she’d been this cold. Although the calendar claimed it was mid-spring, a cold front had blown through, dropping the temperature nearly twenty degrees and depositing over a foot of snow in the mountains.
She pulled her coat tighter and wished she’d thought to wear gloves. Unfortunately, she’d already packed away most of her winter clothes and had had to make do with layering. The thick blanket of clouds weren’t helping, she thought, staring at the pale gray sky.
She heard someone call her name and turned. Montana waved as she hurried down the street, looking warm and comfy in a thick down jacket. A colorful knitted cap covered her head, and she had on matching mittens.
“You look cold,” her sister said as she approached. “Why aren’t you in something warmer?”
“I packed it all away.”
Montana grinned. “Sometimes it pays to procrastinate.”
“Apparently.”
“It’s supposed to warm up in a few days.”
“Lucky me.”
Montana moved close and linked arms. “We’ll share body heat.” She pointed to the lake. “What’s going on?”
“We’re filming a date.”
“Outside? They’re making contestants be outside on water when it’s three degrees above freezing?”
“Somebody didn’t look at the weather report. Worse, it’s one of the older couples. They’re supposed to be having a romantic picnic lunch. Last I heard, the sound guy is complaining he can’t understand anything. Between the wind howling and their teeth chattering, there’s not much conversation.”
Montana studied the small boat in the middle of the black, choppy water. “TV isn’t anything like I thought. It’s not very interesting. Or romantic.”
“Taping segments takes a long time. I won’t miss this when they’re gone.”
“I can see why.” Montana frowned. “There’s no music. Do they add that later?”
“Probably.” Dakota shivered. “The next few dates are out of town. Stephen and Aurelia are going to Las Vegas, then Sasha and Lani were supposed to go to San Diego, but Geoff freaked about the price of rooms, so they might be staying here.”
Temperatures in both places were supposed to be well into the seventies. She was hoping for San Diego for sure.
“Those are the twin boys, right?” Montana asked. “They’re gorgeous.”
“A little young for you,” Dakota said dryly.
“Oh, I know. I wouldn’t be interested. I’m just saying, they’re very nice to look at.”
Dakota laughed. “Looking is allowed. Just don’t let Finn catch you. He’s still determined to get his brothers back home.”
“How’s the plan going?”