“I believe in you,” he continued. “I believe in us. I want this to work. Please give me a second chance to prove myself to you.”
For once there weren’t any tears. Resignation settled on her as she accepted the truth of the situation—she wasn’t willing to be vulnerable again, to be hurt again. Being alone was easier.
“I’m sorry, Will,” she said, rising to her feet. “I resisted getting involved with you for a reason. I knew it wouldn’t work out. I didn’t want to tell you about what happened to me, about what I did, because I knew you wouldn’t be able to deal with it. I was right. You couldn’t.”
He stood. “No. I don’t accept that. I was a jerk. I handled it badly. But I figured that out. I’m here. Isn’t that what relationships are about? Working things out together?”
“In theory. The truth isn’t that simple or easy. I’ve been alone a long time now, Will. And maybe that’s for the best.” She held up her hand. “I’m not punishing you. I’m just accepting that having a man in my life isn’t going to happen for me. It’s better for me to be alone.”
His mouth twisted. “Safe,” he said. “Risk nothing, lose nothing.”
Anger started deep inside. She welcomed it, knowing the emotion would give her strength.
“Easy for you to judge,” she told him. “You weren’t the one who was told you weren’t good enough.”
He swore under his breath. “So, that’s it? I don’t get to make a mistake? You expect me to forgive you, but I don’t get the same treatment?”
“I didn’t hurt you. I hurt someone else a long time ago. What I did had nothing to do with you. But you did hurt me. You extrapolated from an event you had no part of and used that as an excuse to walk out. We both have our own demons to deal with. Which one of us is going to get hurt next?”
She waited for him to yell at her, to escalate the fight. Instead his shoulders slumped, as if he’d just been loaded down with a weight he couldn’t carry.
“Don’t,” he said quietly. “Don’t do this, Jo. I know you’re pissed and you have every right to be. If I could take it back, I would. If I could not screw up, I would. You’re not my dad. I get that. But at first, I was so surprised by what you said. I thought…” He shook his head. “I guess it doesn’t matter what I thought. I can’t convince you. You’re going to see what you want to see.”
He started to the door, his steps uneven. When he got there, he turned back to her.
“You’re wrong about one thing. It’s not that I got mad and handled it badly. That could happen to anyone. It’s what I did next that says who I am. I wanted to leave town—I asked Tucker for a transfer to another job. But I couldn’t go and I couldn’t let go. I worked it through. While I hurt you, it wasn’t on purpose. I’ve admitted my mistake, I’ve learned from it and I’m doing my best to apologize.”
He opened the door. “I’m not the best-looking guy around and there are plenty richer. But I’m still a good man who loves you. I even like your damn cat. It’s not the screwing up that defines a person, Jo, it’s what he does afterward that says who he is. You know that better than anyone, because you’re the one who said that to me.”
With that, he walked out.
She heard his steps on the porch, the slight hesitation in his stride from his limp. Then that faded and there was only silence. Something warm brushed against her leg and she reached down to stroke Jake. The cat stared up at her, his yellow eyes seeing far more than usual.
“Don’t,” she whispered to herself. “Don’t say anything. I can’t forgive him. I can’t let him back in my life. What will he do the next time?”
There was no answer—only silence and a hard, thick pressure on her chest. She couldn’t breathe, couldn’t speak, could only feel the emptiness that was her future.
Even as she wanted to go to him, her mind screamed out that she couldn’t trust him. That he would hurt her again and no one was worth those tears. Her heart whispered that, yes, crying was inevitable. It was impossible to feel love without also feeling pain. But the price was worth it. He was worth it. That if she let him go, she would regret it for the rest of her life.
The need to protect herself battled with the hunger of her heart. Twisted and torn, her heart fought rational thought. Then she was moving. She flung open the front door and raced across the porch. She hurried down the steps, along the path until she reached the sidewalk. Frantically she looked in both directions, trying to figure out where he was.
Then she saw him nearly at the end of the block.
“Will!”
She called out loudly, aware that it was late and she wasn’t being a good neighbor, but unable to stop herself. The figure in the distance paused.
She ran toward him, nearly flying as she covered the distance. When she got close, he held out his arms and welcomed her home.
She flung herself at him and hung on as if she would never let go. He held her even tighter. Once again she couldn’t breathe, but this time it was for the best reason of all.