Thinking back on every exchange between us, it had always somehow been about the metaphysics going on beneath the surface. I couldn’t pinpoint one time when the energy hadn’t simmered when he was near. I wondered how much of my attraction to Arys had been natural and how much was his metaphysical influence. With sudden realization, I noticed that I was gently caressing the faint scar of his bite.
“Son of a bitch!” I shoved my chair back with a squeaky roll of wheels and narrowly avoided knocking the wine glass over.
Now that I felt like just another conquest to the power monger vampire, I was both embarrassed and pissed off. Mostly at myself. I couldn’t blame Arys for seeing me as something he wanted to sample. I blamed myself for letting him. I’ve played this game before, and dammit, I knew better.
I hemmed and hawed for a minute, uncertain about disturbing Kylarai in her room. I wanted to burst in there rambling a mile a minute about what a fool I am. Was it love I wanted from Arys? Hell no. But, I had expected respect.
“Power! That’s all that the bastard wanted from me.” I pounced on Ky the second I heard her door open.
“Excuse me?” She attempted to set a pot of coffee to brew while I waved papers in her face.
“Here.” I shoved one particular sheet into her hand. “Read this one.” Screw confidentiality. This case was personal, an exception to the rule.
I watched her eyebrows rise as she read about the night both Arys and Catherine had lured a young married couple home from the theatre. As she took in the tale, she didn’t pause or look up.
Cat’s description of the effects of so much energy had stirred a response low in my body. In the game Arys played, sex wasn’t the main act at all, merely a method of foreplay.
“Well that explains why he’s so damn powerful,” Kylarai said, repeating close to what I’d thought myself. “But really, he can’t be the only vampire acting as an incubus to increase the high.”
“You’re not surprised?” I stared at her incredulously.
“Not really, Lex. He’s a vampire. Do you expect him to ask politely if he may drain your essence away with your life?”
I gaped at her open mouthed. Why did I suddenly feel like I was overreacting?
“Look.” She touched my arm gently. “It makes sense that you feel betrayed, but you can’t hold his nature against him. The past has nothing to do with you. If I were you, I’d tell this Catherine person that you can’t help her. And, do it before she finds out you’re doing her man.”
“I am not doing him. All I was to that jackass was new power to consume.” I crossed my arms over my chest. I shuffled my feet angrily and sniffed at the tantalizing aroma of brewing coffee.
“Would you rather have just been sex to him?” She eyed me skeptically, and I met her gaze evenly.
“Yes.” I didn’t even have to think about it. “That’s what it was to me. I didn’t go after him with ulterior motives.”
Kylarai practically laughed right in my face at that, and I bit back the rant on the tip of my tongue. “You liar.” She even went so far as to jab a finger at me in the air. “It was all of that spiced up power that had you so hot for him in the first place.”
“What?”
“If he’d been human, there is no way you would have given him more than a passing glance.” She turned to take two mugs out of the cupboard. “You’re so hopped up on the juice yourself that you don’t seem to realize that you’re seeking it out, too. Though, perhaps, your reasons differ from a vampire’s.”
Dumbfounded, I stared as she poured coffee into each mug and handed one to me. “Do you really think that?” I spoke to fill the space, but part of me knew that she was right.
Arys could barely look at me without causing my senses to burn for more. Could it be that I wasn’t a victim of his seduction, but an equal partner in my own right?
“You know it’s true. It doesn’t take a psychic to feel the energy increase when you’re in the same room as a powerful man.”
That was partially true. Both Raoul and even Shaz had stirred the metaphysical side of me. Not every vampire or shifter did though.
“So you’re saying I got as much out of our encounter as he did.” I nodded. The pieces were starting to fit. I didn’t particularly like it.
“Exactly. Which means you could never have been his victim. He didn’t kill you or even try because you aren’t food. You’re an equal. You gained as much as you gave. And, we both know you were a willing participant.”
A sudden blush spread across my cheeks. I tucked the paper back into the pile and marched back to the den.
Dammit, Kylarai always got to be the insightful one. Something in me felt abused by Arys simply because I’d been unaware of his deep need of power. I was desperate to blame him for my wanton desire, for my betrayal of Shaz. Disappointed in the loss of my fury, I closed the folder. The rest of Cat’s diary pages would stay unread.