“Would you want me any other way?”
“Absolutely not.” I kissed him once more, then stumbled out of bed long enough to peel off the last of my clothes and leave them where they fell on the floor. Naked at last, I joined Rick between the sheets. His queen-size bed could’ve been a twin for all the space we took up. Rick was boneless in my arms, feverish and sweaty, and as I stroked his damp hair, I couldn’t believe I’d ever considered putting anything above him. Financial security was hardly optional, and I needed to take care of my kids, but my pride could go fuck itself. If being the firm’s bitch was the price to pay to be with Rick, to have him like this after sex like that, then Mitchell could lead me around on a leash and paddle my bare ass in front of the whole company for all I cared.
As I stroked Rick’s hair, my heart still raced even though the sex was over and the panic had passed. I wasn’t turned on anymore. I wasn’t freaking out over being an idiot who’d pushed away the best person I’d ever dated. But my heart still hadn’t caught on to that. Every time it crossed my mind that I’d lost this, even for a matter of hours, and that Rick could have easily turned me away this afternoon at the office, panic surged through me as if I’d imagined this outcome. As if I’d imagined everything, and he wasn’t really speaking to me, lying beside me, loving me.
Rick turned onto his side.
“How are you feeling?” I asked.
He lazily draped his arm over me. “Fucking amazing.”
“Me too.” I kissed the heel of his hand. “This afternoon scared the hell out of me, but I’m damn sure glad I did it.”
“So am I.” He touched my face. “What if I’d said no?”
I shuddered, tamping down a sick feeling. “Then at least you would know how I felt. And that I was sorry for the things I said.” I gestured back the way we came. “And Mitchell would know that he’s not going to run my personal life.”
“There’s no going back after something like that, though.”
“I know. But there’s been no going back since the day the firm found out about us. Either I stay in a miserable work environment, answering to people who tried to make me prostitute myself for the company, or I leave. Those were the only two options.” I clasped his hand in both of mine and brought it up to my lips. “But in the end, it didn’t matter which I chose if I didn’t have you. I don’t know how I ever thought that was an option.”
He touched my arm, and that soft contact sent a shock through my whole body, jolting me. He withdrew his hand. “You okay? You seem kind of jumpy.”
I nodded, taking his hand and bringing it back, clasping it tight to make sure he was real. “Yeah. I’m good. Just…” I shook my head. “God, I can’t believe I was so stupid.”
“You weren’t.” He touched his forehead to mine. “Your company put you in a bad spot, and I probably didn’t put you in a better one.”
“It wasn’t your fault.”
“Maybe not, but I should have given you more time to figure out how to cope with it. I… Pushing you away in the middle of all that really didn’t help matters.”
“It was probably the best thing you could have done, to be honest. Realizing you were gone was what lit the fire under my ass and made me do something about it.” I pressed a soft kiss to his forehead. “I am so sorry I ever—”
“I know you are.” He wrapped his arms around me, his muscles still trembling and his hands unsteady. “It’s all forgiven.”
I kissed him gently, drawing it out for a moment just to savor the softness of his lips. Eventually, I drew back enough to whisper, “I’ve never been in love with anyone like I am with you.”
“Neither have I.” He smoothed my hair. “Sometimes I wondered if I’d missed the boat because I was in my forties and still single, but…” He smiled. “You were definitely worth the wait.”
“So were you.” I paused, laughing softly. “Now that I think about it, though, it’s probably just as well it took us this long to find each other.”
“Why’s that?”
“Because we had a lot of years to get the stupid out of our systems and figure out what doesn’t work.”
“That’s a good point.” He caressed my face with an unsteady hand. “I’m still not sure if I have all the bugs worked out, but I do know that all I want is for you to be happy. Anything you want, it’s yours.”
“I have you. I am happy.”
“What about…”
“Hmm?”
He hesitated. “What about your job?”
“Well, it sounds like they aren’t going to fire me.”
“But are you going to stay?”
“I’m not sure how much choice I have.”
“Jon.” He touched my cheek. “We both know you’re miserable in that place. You were miserable even before they started ordering you to sleep with me.”
I winced. “I know. But what do I do if I quit? I’m the last of a dying breed around here.”
He held my gaze. “You… Well, here’s the thing. I think we both know that if we were to ever move in together, you’d still insist on working full-time because you’re not the type to depend on anybody else.”