My concentration was shot. Every time I’d talk myself into a simple task, it wouldn’t be long at all before I was staring blankly, not even sure what I’d meant to do or why, only that my mind kept going back to this morning. And yesterday. And back to this morning.
It was impossible to count the number of times in my career when I’d stared down a model or tried to make sense of a blueprint, all the while convinced I wasn’t going to make it through the day, or the hour, or to the end of this project. Distraction. Exhaustion. Frustration. It happened. And every time, I’d powered through.
But this time, there was nothing inside my skull except a bullshit ultimatum and a breakup that hurt way too much for something that didn’t end with screaming and things that shouldn’t have been said.
I pushed the blueprint aside. It wasn’t happening today. It just…wasn’t.
Without speaking to anyone, I walked out of the NSFW Zone. Upstairs, I tapped on Marie’s door with my knuckle.
“Come in.”
I stepped into her office and shut the door behind me. “You have a minute?”
“Absolutely.” She took off her glasses. “You doing all right?”
“What do you think?”
She sighed. “I’m sorry. I wish there was more I could do.”
“I know. I appreciate it.”
“My friend… He’s looking into it.” She scowled. “They wisely didn’t put their ultimatum on paper, so—”
“So it’s my word against theirs.”
“Our word against theirs.” She looked me right in the eye and set her jaw. “Whatever you decide to do, I’ve got your back.”
“Thank you. As far as today, though…” I exhaled hard. “Listen, I’m just not…here today. I need—”
“Go.” She shooed me toward the door. “I’ll make excuses for you if you need them.”
“Are you sure?”
Marie nodded. “Jon, I’m on your side here. Whatever I can do, I will. Including running interference with the partners until this situation is sorted out.”
“I really appreciate it.”
She offered a thin smile. “See you tomorrow.”
“See you tomorrow.” I turned to go.
“Jon.”
I looked over my shoulder.
“I’m sorry. If I’d known what they were going to do, I’d have done something. Shut it down, or…” She shook her head. “I’m sorry.”
“I know. At least someone on this floor still knows what ethics are.”
We held each other’s gazes for a moment, exchanged slight nods, and I finally left her office. On the way back to the elevator, I admittedly felt guilty for some of the bantering that went on behind closed doors downstairs. For as much as my crew and I had ripped on her for being a tyrant, I knew better. I’d known better for a long time. It was easy to forget when she tore into me or one of my people for something, or when she pinned us to impossible deadlines. The conversation we’d just had, though, underscored the truth that Cal and Scott could never quite see—that Marie was caught in a male-dominated world where she had to play the hardass so the good ol’ boys would respect her. Even if it meant letting her subordinates believe she was a bitch. She really couldn’t win.
As I stepped onto the elevator, I promised myself that things were going to change in the Zone. Marie was a ball-breaker, but when the rubber met the road, she was our ally.
Once I had my brain back, the first thing to go would be that Empire Strikes Back soundtrack.
For now, though, I only swung by the Zone to get my keys and my coffee cup. “Hey, Teagan. I’m calling it an early day. I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”
She lowered the piece she’d been shaping with an X-ACTO. “You okay?”
“Yeah. Yeah. Just…” I waved my hand. “I’ve got some stuff I need to deal with.”
She held my gaze.
Don’t push, T. You know what this is about.
Finally, she nodded. “See you tomorrow.”
From behind me, Cal piped up, “Taking an early retire—”
A look from Teagan stopped him dead. No one else spoke. She tilted her head toward the door, and I didn’t wait around.
Without another word, I got the hell out of there.
*
I hadn’t even taken off my shoes or my tie before I opened the bottle of whiskey. Day drinking wasn’t my usual MO, but it was today, and I didn’t give a fuck.
I dropped onto the couch, careful not to spill my drink, and propped my laptop on my knee. I opened the long-neglected document that was my résumé and went down the list, tweaking some dates and updating my contact information. Working on my résumé under the influence probably wasn’t the brightest thing I’d ever done, but hell, why not? I was on a roll these days. Kissing Rick at work and gambling on the assumption that no one ever checked the cameras? Not my proudest moment.
In the end, I still had my job but couldn’t make myself believe it was worth it, because I didn’t have Rick anymore.
What else could I do, though? Keep fooling around with him until the charade got old and I got tired of trying to tell myself I wasn’t really being a prostitute for the firm?