Suzy visibly winced before saying, “I didn’t think I could take that again. I love little Hermie and all, but with Claire and Beth both having babies and Ella pregnant, that’s all they talk about.”
Emma had to smile over Suzy’s refusal to call her sister Beth’s baby Henry. She was sticking with Hermie. When Beth had found out she was having a boy, Nick, her husband, had insisted on naming their baby after his grandfather, who had died while Nick was a child. Apparently, his nickname was Herman and that’s what the kids had always called him. Beth had freaked out about it, at which point Nick’s mother had finally admitted that her father’s real name was actually Henry. Suzy liked the original name better. “It is a little strange. We seem to be the only ones in our group now who don’t have babies on the brain.”
When Suzy looked away, an awkward silence settled over their table. Emma was afraid that she had offended her. “Suzy, I didn’t mean anything bad by that. You know I love Beth, Claire and Ella.”
Suzy took a deep breath and then ran a hand through her long hair. “It’s not that,” she said quietly. “It’s just . . . I do . . . have babies on the brain.”
Shocked, Emma sat back in her seat with a thud. “Are you pregnant?” That question only seemed to upset her friend further, and she was clueless as to what was going on. Was this an unwanted pregnancy?
“I’m not pregnant. Please don’t mention this to the others.”
Emma took her hand and said, “You can talk to me. I would never repeat anything you tell me in confidence.”
“Gray and I have been trying to get pregnant for a while now. I know I don’t seem like much of a kid person, but you have to understand that was how I was raised.” Emma knew from previous conversations that Suzy and Beth were not particularly close to their parents, who were more committed to their jobs than to their daughters. They had been particularly critical of Beth due to the weight problem she had fought for years.
“I think you’ll be a great mother. You would have the coolest kid on the block for sure.”
“I thought it would be so easy,” Suzy continued. “Everyone around us seemed to get pregnant at the drop of a hat. But each month I stare at that white stick, waiting to see two pink lines. I have grown to hate that damned thing as month after month, there is only one freaking pink line.”
Emma squeezed her friend’s hand tighter. “Oh Suzy, I’m so sorry. I had no idea. All of these babies and pregnancies around you must be hell for you right now.”
“Yeah, and I feel like shit over it. I just let them assume I don’t like or want kids because it’s easier than explaining that I can’t get pregnant. I’m happy for everyone, but I feel like such a failure. Why is it easy for them and not for me? The worst part is seeing the disappointment on Gray’s face every month. He tries to hide it, and he’s always encouraging, saying just the right thing, but I know he wonders the same thing. Why not us? Don’t we deserve to be parents?”
The longing in Suzy’s voice made Emma’s own eyes fill with tears. “Of course you deserve it. Have you talked to your doctor? Aren’t there some medications that you can take to, you know, jump-start things?”
“Yes, there are other things we can try. We have another appointment next week with the reproductive doctor. They say that medically there is no reason that we aren’t, you know, making a baby. Next we’re going to try a procedure called an intrauterine insemination. That’s a fancy way of saying they are going to help the swimmers in case they are blind or lazy. Poor Gray just got over the anxiety of worrying about his sperm count when they mentioned the term ‘lazy swimmers.’ He looked at me when we came out of the appointment and said, ‘My boys are getting fucked over.’”
Emma laughed. It was hard to imagine a man like Gray worrying about anything concerning his body, much less his sperm potency, but hey, everyone had problems. “I guess you guys have tried all of those different baby-making positions, right?”
Suzy shuddered. “Ugh, we’ve had so much sex in the last six months that my vagina is threatening to strike if we don’t take a day off. We’ve even gone home during lunch to do the mambo when I’m ovulating.”
Impressed, Emma asked, “You know when you’re ovulating?”
“Oh, honey, they make a test to tell you everything now. When that sucker gives us the green light, we go at it like jackrabbits for the next several days. Some men might crack under that kind of pressure, but Gray can perform anytime, anywhere, without fail.”
“I already hate you, bitch; must you keep making it worse?” Emma tried to joke to lighten the mood.
“You know, you’re kind of cranky today,” Suzy said. “Are the batteries dead in your vibrator again? One word, rechargeables.”