Rush
She looked like she was about to cry and I was afraid to ask her if she was okay. My fear that she might change her mind and stay in Sumit kept me quiet until we were safely out of the town limits. Seeing her hands knotted tightly in her lap bothered me. I wish she’d say something.
“You good?” I asked, unable to stop myself. My need to protect her took over.
She nodded. “Yeah. It’s just a little scary, I guess. This time I know I’m not coming back. I also know I don’t have a dad waiting to help me out. Leaving was harder this time.”
“You got me,” I replied.
She tilted her head to the side and looked at me. “Thank you. I needed to hear that right now.”
Hell, I’d record it so she could replay it over and over if it would help. “Don’t ever think you’re alone.”
She gave me a weak smile then turned her attention back to the road. “You know I could drive if you would like to sleep this time.”
The idea of being free to look at her all I wanted was tempting. But she’d expect me to sleep and I wasn’t wasting any time I had with her by sleeping through it. “I’m good. Thanks, though.”
I’d gone through a drive-thru and gotten something to eat on the drive down here. She’d been sleeping and I hadn’t wanted to disturb her but she had to be hungry.
“I’m starving. What sounds good to you?” I asked, pulling back onto the interstate that would lead us back to Florida.
“Um… I… I don’t know. Maybe soup.”
Soup? That was an odd request. But hell, if she wanted soup I’d get her some soup.
“Soup it is. I’ll keep my eyes open for a restaurant that I know has soup.”
“If you’re starving please just stop wherever you want. I can find something to eat anywhere.” She sounded nervous again.
“Blair, I’m getting you soup,” I replied, glancing over at her. I made sure to smile so she would know I wanted to get her soup.
“Thanks,” she said and studied her hands in her lap again.
We didn’t speak for awhile but it felt good just to have her in the car with me. I didn’t want her to feel like she had to talk.
The first exit with food I pointed to the sign. “Looks like there are good options here. Pick a place,” I told her.
She shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. You know if you don’t want to get out and want to stay on the road I could eat something car friendly.”
I wanted to draw this day out as long as I possibly could. “We’re getting soup,” I replied.
A small laugh startled me and I looked over to see her actually smiling. Making her do that more often was a new goal.
~*~
Blaire was asleep again when we pulled into the parking lot at Bethy’s apartment late that night. I’d been careful to keep our conversation easy. After awhile we’d settled into a comfortable silence then she’d fallen asleep.
I put the Rover in park then sat back and looked at her. I’d glanced over at her sleeping a million times on the ride home. Just for a few minutes I wanted the freedom to watch her sleep. The dark circles under her eyes worried me. Was she not sleeping enough? Bethy might know. I could talk to her about it. Asking Blaire questions like that right now probably wasn’t wise.
A soft knock on my window tore my attention from Blaire to Jace who was standing outside the car with an amused look on his face. I opened the door and stepped out before he could wake her up. I wanted to wake her up and I didn’t want an audience when I did it.
“You planning on waking her up or are you considering kidnapping?” Jace asked.
“Shut up, a*shole.”
Jace chuckled. “Bethy’s anxious for her to get back so she can hear about the trip. I’ll help you with her stuff if you’ll wake her up and get her inside.”
“She’s tired. Bethy can wait until tomorrow.” I didn’t want her to have to wakeup to a nosy Bethy. She obviously needed more sleep and she needed more food. She’d barely eaten her soup earlier. I’d tried to feed her again but she said she wasn’t hungry. That needed to change. It was like those damn peanut butter sandwiches all over again.
“Then you tell Bethy that,” Jace replied as I shoved the box in his hands and pulled the suitcase out of the back. “I got the suitcase; you take the box in and I’ll wake her up.”
“Private moment?” Jace smirked and I shoved the box in his hands a little too hard.It caused him to stumble back which only made him cackle with laughter.
I ignored him and walked over to the passenger side. Waking her up and letting her leave me wasn’t exactly what I wanted to do. It scared the shit out of me. What if this was it? What if Blaire never let me near her like this again? No. I couldn’t let that happen. I’d work slow but I would make sure this wasn’t it for us. Although having had her to myself all day was going to make it real hard to go back to the way it was.
I unbuckled her. She barely stirred. A lock of hair had fallen in her face so I gave in to the urge to touch it. Reaching up I tucked the hair behind her ear. She was so damn beautiful. I’d never move on from her. It wasn’t possible. I had to find a way to get her back. To help her heal.
Her eyelids fluttered open and her gaze locked with mine.
“We’re here,” I whispered, not wanting to startle her.
She sat up and gave me a sheepish smile. “Sorry, I fell asleep on you again.”
“You must have needed the rest. I didn’t mind.” I wanted to stay there and keep her in my car but I couldn’t do that. I moved back so she could get out. Asking her if I could see her tomorrow was right there on the tip of my tongue. But I didn’t. She wasn’t ready for that. I had to give her space. “I’ll see you around then,” I said and her smile wavered.
“Okay, uh, yeah, see you around. And thanks again for helping me today. I’ll pay you back for the gas.”
Like hell. “No, you won’t. I don’t want your money. I was glad to help.”
She started to say more but snapped her mouth shut. With a tight nod she turned and walked to the apartment.
Blaire
The first day back at work and Woods assigned me to the dining room. Breakfast and lunch shifts. Not good. I stood outside the kitchen mentally preparing myself not to think about the smell. I’d woken up queasy and forced two saltine crackers and some gingerale down but that was all I could manage.
The moment I walked into the kitchen the smell would hit me. The bacon… oh god, the bacon…
“You know sweet thing you have to actually go in there in order to work,” Jimmy drawled from behind me. I spun around, startled from my internal battle to see him smiling at me with an amused grin. “The cooks aren’t that bad. You’ll get over the yelling in no time. Besides, last time you had them wrapped around your pretty little finger.”
I forced a smile. “You’re right. I can do this. I’m just not ready for people asking questions, I guess.” That wasn’t exactly the truth but then it wasn’t a lie either.
Jimmy opened the door and the smell slammed into me. Eggs, bacon, sausage, grease. Oh, no. My body broke out into a cold sweat and my stomach rolled. “I, uh, need to use the restroom first,” I explained and made my way to the employee restroom as fast as I could without breaking into a run. That would look even more suspicious.
I closed the door behind me and clicked the lock into place as I fell to my knees on the cold tile.I grabbed the toilet as everything I’d eaten last night and this morning came back out.
Several dry heaves later I stood up still feeling puny.I wet a papertowel to clean my face up. My white polo shirt was clinging to me from the sweat that had broken out all over me. I needed to change.
I rinsed my mouth with the mouthwash on the counter and straightened my shirt the best I could. Maybe no one would notice. I could do this. I would just hold my breath while I was in the kitchen. That would do it. I’d breathe deeply before going in each time. I had to figure this out.
When I opened the door my eyes locked on Woods. He was standing against the wall facing the restroom with his arms crossed over his chest studying me. I was late.
“I’m sorry. I know I’m late. I just needed to take a quick break before I got started. I promise this won’t happen again. I’ll stay late to make up for it—”
“My office. Now,” he snapped and turned to stalk down the hallway.
My heart sped up and I followed quickly behind him. I didn’t want Woods to be mad at me. This job had been my answer for the next few months. Now that I’d talked myself into staying here and figuring out what to do I really didn’t want to leave. Not yet.
Woods opened the door for me and I stepped inside.
“I really am sorry. Please don’t fire me yet. I just—”
“I’m not firing you.” Woods interrupted me.
Oh…
“Have you seen a doctor? I’m assuming it’s Rush’s. Does he know? Because if he does and you’re here working for me in this condition I’m personally going to go break his f*cking neck.”
He knew. Oh no, oh no, oh no. I shook my head frantically. I had to stop this. Woods could not know. No one was supposed to know but Bethy. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Woods cocked an eyebrow. “Really?” The disbelief in his voice was unnerving. He wasn’t going to fall for a lie. But I had a baby to protect.
“He doesn’t know.” The truth fell out of my mouth before I could stop it. “I don’t want him to, yet. I need to find a way to do this on my own. We both know Rush doesn’t want this. His family would hate it. I can’t have my baby hated by anyone. Please understand,” I begged.
Woods muttered a curse and ran his hands through his hair. “He deserves to know this, Blaire.”
Yes, he did. But when this baby had been conceived I’d not known just how tainted our worlds were. How impossible it would be for us to have a relationship. “They hate me. They hate my mom. I can’t. Just, please give me time to prove I can do this without help. I’ll tell him eventually but I need to be stable and ready to leave after I do. This time my wants and his wants don’t come first. I am doing what is best for this baby.”
Woods’ frown deepened. We stood in silence for several minutes.
“I don’t like it but it isn’t my story to tell. Go change and head out to see Darla. You can do cart rounds today. Let me know when the kitchen smell isn’t so much of an issue.”
I wanted to throw my arms around him and hug him. He wasn’t forcing me to tell anyone and he was giving me an out on serving breakfast. I used to love bacon but now… I just couldn’t deal with it. “Thank you. Dinner isn’t bad. It’s just the morning and sometimes the afternoons.”
“Noted. I’ll only put you on evening shifts in the dining room. This week you just work the course. But don’t get overheated. Keep some ice or something to cool you down. Can I tell Darla?”
“No,” I replied before he could finish. “She can’t know. No one can know. Please.”
Woods sighed then nodded his head. “Okay. I’ll keep your secret. But if you need anything you’d better let me know… if you’re not going to let Rush know.”
“Okay. Thank you.”
Woods gave me a tight smile. “I’ll see you later then.”
I was dismissed.
The schedule for the rest of the week had me working the beer cart. There was a tournament a week from Saturday and I was down to work the entire day. I couldn’t be happier about it. The money would be great. And although the heat was intense out on the course all day it was better than being in the air conditioning smelling bacon or any greasy meat and running off to vomit.
It had progressively gotten busier since I’d left. According to Darla, the members who only came during their summer vacations were all now in residence. Bethy and I ran two different carts in order to keep the place hydrated. Woods was rarely on the course so I didn’t have to worry about his prying eyes. He was busy working. Jace had told Bethy that Woods was trying to prove to his dad that he was ready for a promotion.
After restocking my cart for the third time today, I headed back to the first hole to make my next round. I recognized the back of Grant’s head right away. He was playing with… Nan. I’d known this day was coming but I hadn’t been prepared for it. I could always skip this hole and let Bethy catch them on her next round but that would only be putting off the inevitable.
I pulled the cart up and Grant turned in my direction. He looked like he was in a serious conversation with Nan. The frustrated frown on his face wasn’t comforting. He smiled but I could tell it was forced.
“We’re good, Blaire. You can go on to the next hole,” Grant called out. Nan’s head jerked around at the sound of my name and the hateful scowl on her face had me shifting the cart in reverse. Maybe my first instincts had been right. I shouldn’t have stopped.
“Wait. I want something.” At the sound of Rush’s voice my heart did a crazy little flutter thing that only he could make happen. I turned my head toward the sound of his voice to see him jogging toward me in a pair of pale blue shorts and a white polo shirt. It never ceased to amaze me that he could look so ridiculously good in such a preppy outfit. Boys in Bama did not dress like this for anything. They played golf in their jeans, baseball caps and whatever lucky t-shirt or flannel shirt made it out of the dryer that day. But Rush made it look like something mouthwateringly sexy.
“I need a drink,” he said with an easy smile once he got to my cart. He stopped right in front of me. I hadn’t seen him in a couple of days. Not since our road trip.
“The usual?” I asked stepping out of the cart only to be even closer to him. He didn’t back up and our chests were close to brushing against each other. I glanced up at him.
“Yeah. That’d be great,” he replied but didn’t move. He also kept his eyes locked on mine. One of us was going to have to move and break this staring contest. I knew it should be me. I couldn’t lead him to believe anything was different.
I scooted past him and walked to the back of the cart to get him a Corona. I bent down to pull one out of the ice and I felt him move in behind me. Dangit. He was not making this easy.
Straightening up, I didn’t look back or turn around. He was too close. “What are you doing?” I asked quietly. I didn’t want Nan or Grant to hear us.
“I miss you,” was his simple response.
Closing my eyes tightly I took a deep breath and tried to calm the frenzy he was sending my heart into. I missed him too. But that didn’t make the truth go away.
Telling him I missed him wasn’t smart. I didn’t need to let him believe things could go back to the way they were.
“Get your drink and come on,” Nan snapped from behind him. That was enough to make me move. I wasn’t up for a Nan verbal attack. Not today.
“Back off, Nan,” Rush growled and I shoved the Corona at him and moved quickly back to the driver’s seat. “Blaire, wait,” Rush said, once again following me.
“Don’t do this,” I begged. “I can’t handle her.”
He winced and then nodded before backing away. I tore my eyes off him and put the cart in drive. Without looking back I headed to the next hole.
Rush
“Do you not remember what I asked you the other day, Nan?” I snarled once Blaire and her cart were out of sight.
“You were being pathetic. I was trying to help you not look like a lovesick loser.”
I turned around and stalked toward her. She was pushing me. I’d never had that all consuming rage most brothers have to physically harm their sisters when we were younger. But right now I was experiencing it.
Grant stepped in front of me putting a barrier between us. “Whoa. You need to back off and calm down.”
I shifted my glare from Nan to Grant. What the f*ck was he doing? He hated Nan. “Move. This is between me and my sister,” I reminded him. He’d never claimed her before. Even when his father had been married to our mother he’d made sure we all understood he hated Nan. There had never been even a remote sibling attachment between those two.
“And you’re gonna have to go through me to get to your sister,” Grant replied taking a step in my direction. “’Cause right now you aren’t thinking about anyone’s feelings but Blaire’s. Remember how Blaire’s presence affects Nan. You cared about that once.”
What the f*ck! Was I hallucinating? When did Grant start defending Nan? “I know exactly how Blaire affects Nan. But what I’m trying to get through to her is that nothing was Blaire’s fault. Nan has hated the wrong person for so damn long she can’t let go. What the hell is wrong with you anyway? You already knew this! You were the one who championed Blaire when she first showed up here. You never believed this was her fault. You saw her innocence in this from the beginning.”
Grant shifted uncomfortably and then glanced back at Nan whose eyes had gone as round as saucers. “You made her weak, Rush. All her life you protected her. She relied on you. Then you go and drop her and focus all your attention on Blaire and expect Nan to be okay. She may be an adult but she has been so codependent on you her whole life she doesn’t know any other way. If you weren’t so damn focused on getting Blaire back you’d see this.”
I shoved Grant out of my way and leveled my gaze on my sister. I didn’t need this lecture from him even if there was some truth to it. Deep down I was pleased that these two had finally found common ground. Maybe Grant cared for her afterall. We had lived in the same house for years. We’d been neglected together.
“I love you, Nan. You know that. But you can’t ask me to choose. It’s not fair.”
Nan put both her hands on her hips. It was her defiant position. “You can’t love us both. I’ll never accept her. She held a gun on me, Rush! You saw her. She’s insane. She was going to shoot me. How can you love her and love me? That makes no sense.”
“She would have never shot you. She held a gun on Grant too. He got over it. And yes I can love you both. I love you differently.”
Nan shifted her gaze to Grant and gave him a sad smile. That was even weirder. “He won’t listen to me, Grant. I give up. He is choosing his love for her over me and my feelings.”
“Nan, just listen to him. Come on. He has a point,” Grant told her in a gentle tone I’d never heard him use with her. I was in the f*cking Twilight Zone.
Nan stomped her foot. “No. I hate her. I can’t stand to look at her. She is hurting him now and I hate her more for it,” Nan screamed. I glanced around to see if anyone had heard her and saw Woods walking toward us. Shit.
Grant turned and followed my gaze. “Ah, hell,” he muttered.
Woods stopped in front of us and looked from Nan, to Grant and then to me. “I overheard enough to know what this conversation is about,” he said, keeping his focus locked on me. “Let me make myself very clear. We’ve all been friends most of our lives. I know the dynamic of your family.” He shifted his gaze to Nan with a disgusted snarl of his lip then back to me. “If anyone has a problem with Blaire then they need to take it up with me. She has a job here as long as she wants one. The three of you may not like it but I personally don’t give a flying f*ck. So get over it. She doesn’t need this shit right now. Back off. Are we understood?”
I studied him. What did he mean and why was he acting as Blaire’s protector? I didn’t like it. My blood started to boil and I fisted my hands at my sides. Did he think he could make his move now? Show up when she was weak and be the hero? Hell no. That wasn’t happening. Blaire was mine.
Woods didn’t wait for a response. He stalked off instead.
“Looks like you have competition,” Nan drawled.
Grant walked over to her and put her behind him again. “That’s enough, Nan,” he whispered then he looked over at me.
I was done with this. I couldn’t deal with the two of them right now. I threw my club down and went after Woods.
He either heard me or felt the anger rolling off me because he stopped just before he reached the clubhouse and turned around to look at me. One of his eyebrows shot up as if he were amused. That just pissed me off more.
“We both want the same thing. Why don’t you take a few deep breaths and calm down?” Woods said as he crossed his arms over his chest.
“You stay away from her. Do you hear me? Back the f*ck off. Blaire loves me; she’s just confused and hurt. She’s also very vulnerable. So help me God, if you even think you’re going to take advantage of her current state I will beat the shit out of you.”
Woods tilted his head to the side and frowned. He wasn’t very affected by my warning. Maybe I needed to make him affected. “I know you love her. I’ve never seen you act this crazed in your life. I get that. But Nan hates her. If you love Blaire then protect her from the venom that is dripping from your sister’s fangs. Or I will.”
I felt like he’d slapped me in the face. Before I could respond, he opened the door behind him and went inside. I stared at the closed door for several minutes before moving. I was going to lose one of them. I loved my sister but over time she’d forgive me. I could lose Blaire forever. I wasn’t going to allow that to happen.