Chapter Eleven: Jordan
I felt like the walking dead the next day. Third period rolled around, and I dreaded going to the gym. It had become a freaking shrine to Coach T—the place where his supporters made pilgrimages. Obviously, I wasn’t a welcome visitor. I would have skipped out entirely, but I needed the credit to graduate.
I started into the locker room to change out when someone grabbed my arm. I shouted, both in fear and pain. Then I was dragged into the athletic room and thrown up against a rack of equipment. The metal cut into my back, and I screamed in agony.
In the middle of my scream, I heard the distinct sound of the lock clicking behind me. “Look, cut the shit and let me out. This isn’t funny!” I growled, as I rubbed my throbbing back.
I heard someone reach for the lights. They flicked on, and I gasped. “W-What are you doing here?” I asked.
The imposing 6’3, two hundred pound form of Carson Ridings stared me down with his dark green eyes. He was Kara Riding’s brother, but more importantly until Coach T, he was the only guy I had ever loved—or thought I’d loved. I’d lost my virginity to him when I was in the 8th grade, and he was in the 10th. When we were dating, I was too stupid and let him go off the deep end and slap me around. I’d dated him on and off for two years—until he left for college. That’s really when I began my pattern of dating guys who used and dumped me.
But it wasn’t the presence of the former love of my life that scared me. It was the smoldering look of hatred etched across his face. I shuddered. “Answer my question.”
He crossed the space between us in one long stride. Once again, he grabbed my arms. “I’ve heard the shit you’re saying about Coach T.”
I tried slinging away from him, but his grip was too tight. I knew if he didn’t let go of me soon, I’d be bruised. But I kept my cool and jerked my chin up at him. “Yeah, so? What’s it to you?”
At my response, he shoved me back into the shelf again, sending tears of pain to sting my eyes. “It’s a hell of lot to me, you conniving little bitch!”
I narrowed my eyes. “Look, it isn’t anything to you. We’ve been over for a long time now—even the random booty calls you threw my way have been long gone. So, the way I see it what happens to me is none of your damn business!”
Carson shook his head. “Listen to me. Through his Northwestern connections, Coach T has Kara a scholarship—a f*cking full ride, you see? If he isn’t here, she doesn’t get the scholarship, and she doesn’t go anywhere but maybe Harrison Community College.”
“That’s too bad.”
Once again, metal cut into my back. This time I felt blood seeping through my shirt. “Stop it!” I cried.
“Not until you get it through your head, Jordan. My mom didn’t f*ck old guys to get rich like yours. My dad’s disabled from that car accident, remember? He can never work again, and my mom is working two jobs just to make it. Kara has busted her ass for four years, and she deserves that scholarship.”
My chin trembled. “He raped me.”
Carson momentarily released my arm. Before I could catch my breath, he sent a stinging slap across my cheek. “He never raped you.”
“Y-Yes, h-he did!”
At my words, my other cheek rang with his slap. “He never raped you. I know you, Jordan. You screwed his brains out. I’m sure of that.”
I shook so hard my knees threatened to give way. I leaned voluntarily against the shelves to keep my footing.
Carson jerked me forward. “Then what? He found someone else or he grew tired of your bullshit games just like every other guy.” He snorted. “Jesus, you’re pathetic!”
“Go to hell.”
His hands tightened on my flesh. “Listen carefully to me. You’re going to go to the authorities. You’re going to tell them it was all a lie, and you’re sorry. You’re going to make things right, so Coach T can have his job back. Is that clear?”
“I’ll never do that.”
“Oh, yes you will,” he countered.
“No, I won’t! You can hit me all you want to. I was your girlfriend for two years, remember? I know what it’s like to be knocked around by you.”
Carson widened his eyes. “We’re not talking about me. This is all about you!”
“Yeah, it is all about me. And I’m sticking to my story, and no one is going to make me change my mind!”
“Even if I promise you’ll get hurt worse than any beating I ever gave you?”
Fighting the panicked sobs that threatened to break my sanity, I jerked my head up and stared coldly at him. Then I reared back and spit in his face.
He stared at me in astonishment. Before he could say or do anything, I said, “If you don’t let go of me, I’ll go straight to the police and press charges against you. Then your own precious scholarship would be in jeopardy!”
Slowly, his hands fell from my sides. “Bitch,” he muttered under his breath.
I started towards the door. When my fingers grasped the doorknob, I turned back to him. “Don’t expect me to feel sorry for you. We both know your old man was driving drunk when he had that accident. Driving drunk after meeting his mistress for a quickie at some seedy, out of town hotel.”
His eyes glowed hatefully at me. “You shut your f*cking mouth!”
Bolstered by the effect I was having on him, I cocked my head. “Can’t handle the truth, Carson?” I paused as I collected myself. “I’m glad to see you’re still as big a prick as ever. Beating up girls sure makes you a big man, doesn’t it?”
With that, I spun around and unlocked the door. I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. But I didn’t go to the locker-room. Instead, I grabbed up my purse and book bag and headed for the hallway. I had just made it to the landing of the stairs when I felt the presence of someone behind me. But I never got a chance to react. Someone or something lunged at me, and I pitched forward, tumbling down the stairs. My head hit the concrete on the landing, and then everything went black around me.
***
As I started coming to, I had the worst out of body experience. My eyelids fluttered, taking in a small beam of light over my head. That beam of light caused me to panic since I thought it was the light, and I was dead.
But then I heard my mother’s voice raging with profanity, and I knew I wasn’t in the great light. When I tried moving my head, screaming pain seared through me, and I cried out.
“Jo-Jo?” A hand touched my cheek. “Oh honey, are you all right?” Mom asked.
“It hurts,” I croaked.
Mom took my hand in hers. “I know, sweetie. You had a pretty bad fall.”
“I did?”
“Yeah, some bastard pushed you down the stairs!”
It took a lot of effort to open my eyes. When I did, my mom gasped. “Would you look at the size of her pupils? I am going to sue this school for everything that it’s worth!”
“Mrs. Solano—”
“That’s Bradford,” my mother corrected through clenched teeth. I fought the urge to roll my eyes. Of course, she would have to correct them. Even when I lay mangled and broken, there was no way in hell she wanted any connections to my father.
“My apologies, Ms. Bradford, but I can assure you there is no need to threaten us with lawsuits. What happened here was clearly an accident,” a voice said on my right. I realized it was Mr. Sands.
Mom snorted contemptuously. “Pushing my daughter down a flight of fifteen stairs was no damn accident. Neither was defacing her locker and keying her car. But you people didn’t take that seriously either.”
This time it was Dr. Micheltree who responded. “Yes, we are taking it seriously, Ms. Bradford. We’ve been reviewing the tapes to find the culprit.”
“Fantastic. I suppose you’re going to do the same to see who it was who attacked her?”
I interrupted her. “I know who it was.”
All the heads spun to stare at me in surprise. “But how could you possibly know, Jordan? I mean, from the tapes you were obviously pushed from behind,” Mom argued.
“I still know who it was dammit!” I countered, trying to pull myself into a sitting position. When I heard the plastic paper crinkling beneath me, I realized I was in the bed at the nurse’s office. Great, I didn’t even want to begin to know how I got here. I imagined lying there in a crumpled heap for hours as numerous kids stepped over me. I’m sure it would make for some great gossip.
Mom reached out and helped me. Then she kissed my forehead. “Who was it baby?”
“Carson Ridings.”
Dr. Micheltree and Mr. Sands exchanged a look. “But Carson Ridings doesn’t even go here anymore. He graduated two years ago.”
“Well, let’s just say he decided to pay me a visit.” With what little strength I had left, I raised my shirt out of my jeans. I gritted my teeth and twisted to the right.
At the sound of my mother’s gasp, I knew they’d seen Carson’s handiwork, and I slowly let the shirt fall. Then I fell back against the pillows, exhausted from that small exertion.
“So you’re saying Carson came into school this morning and then assaulted you?” Dr. Micheltree asked.
I nodded.
“But why? Do you have a history with him?”
Before I could answer, Mom replied, “Unfortunately yes.”
“Our history had nothing to do with today,” I insisted.
Dr. Micheltree raised her eyebrows. “It doesn’t?”
I shook my head, trying to find the words to explain why Carson had driven two hours from college to beat the shit out of me in an athletic closet in the gym.
“What was it about, JoJo?” Mom asked.
“Coach T,” I murmured. I glanced at the others who peered anxiously at me. “He’s angry about my accusations towards Coach T. Carson said without Coach T’s connections, his sister wouldn’t get the scholarship she needs. He wanted me to tell everyone I’d been lying.”
Dr. Micheltree sighed. “I suppose this is a matter for the police, considering Mr. Ridings is no longer a student here.”
Mom tossed her hair over her shoulder. “That’s all well and good, but how do you propose to keep my daughter safe?”
Dr. Micheltree held up her hands. “Ms. Bradford we’re trying our best—”
Mom strode across the tiny room to stand in front of Dr. Micheltree. “I’m sorry that I have to say you’re doing a f*cking miserable job, lady! I don’t pay tax dollars to have my daughter bullied, beaten, and almost killed.”
“Perhaps Newton isn’t the best learning environment for Jordan at present,” Mr. Sands said.
We all turned to look at him. He flushed a little before nervously clearing his throat. “What I meant to say is it might be in Jordan’s best interest to transfer schools for a period of time. At least until things die down.”
“And where would you suggest?” Mom asked.
“Pathways.”
I gasped. “Are you crazy? I’m not going to that hell hole! Only druggies and bad asses go there.” I stared helplessly at Mom. “I’m not one of those kids!”
“Jordan, lots of nice students go to Pathways. Some are merely academically behind, and they find the learning environment is more conducive to their needs,” Dr. Micheltree said.
“Their needs? Like smoking pot or shooting up between classes?” I countered.
She grimaced. “No, that’s not what I meant.”
Before I could say anything else, Mom interrupted me. “So let me get this straight. Basically what you’re saying is you do not have the means to protect my daughter against a hostile environment, and she would be better served at another school?”
Dr. Micheltree glanced over at Mr. Sands before she replied. “Yes, I suppose that’s what we’re saying.”
Mom nodded. She snatched up her purse and threw it onto her shoulder. “All right then. If you’re fully acknowledging you have failed my daughter, then it’s time she left this school.”
“Wait, Mom, no!” I cried.
She shook her head at me before turning back to Dr. Micheltree. “Please withdraw her from this shit hole you call a school, and give me the necessary paperwork to enroll her somewhere else.”
I jumped off the bed and grabbed my mom’s arm. “Please don’t do this! I don’t want to leave Newton.”
“I’m not letting you stay here so you can get paralyzed or killed, Jordan.”
The room began to spin around me, and I started to slide into the floor. Mr. Sands caught me and helped me back to the bed. “Jordan, you take it easy. When everything is taken care of, I’ll come back to get you,” Mom instructed.
I shook my head. “I just want out of here. Can’t I go on to the car?”
Mom waved at me dismissively with her hand. “Whatever.”
As I started to my feet, Mr. Sands brought the wheelchair over to me. “Would this help?”
I stared at it for a minute. I didn’t want my last moments at Newton to be in a wheelchair. It would make me look so weak and vulnerable. All those a*sholes would win. I’d be slinking off into the sunset to lick my wounds.
“No, thank you, Mr. Sands. I can make it just fine.”
He smiled sadly at me. “All right then, Jordan. Good luck.” He held out his hand, and I shook it.
I must’ve had a pretty bad fall because I found myself returning his smile. “Sorry about all those times you had to call me to your office.”
Mr. Sands seemed just as surprised as I was for my sudden change of heart. He cleared his throat. “That’s all right. Just see that wherever you go, you make a change.”
I shot him a look. “Yeah, whatever.”
Slowly, I gained my footing and started to the door. The office was buzzing with kids bringing in notes and paperwork and checking out. With all the courage I could muster, I pulled my shoulders back, and I walked out of there like I was at the Miss Newton High pageant.
The moment I swept through the double doors into the sunshine, my shoulders drooped in defeat. I’d never imagined anything like this would happen. Driven from my own school. And not just driven—beaten and almost killed. I shuddered.
Mom’s black Lexus was in one of the first parking spaces. I slipped inside. It smelled of her—vanilla with a hint of cigarette smoke. “Vanilla drives a man crazy, Jo-Jo,” she’d always say, with a grin.
When my back hit the leather, I sucked in a painful breath. I fumbled to find the button to recline the seat. Within an instant, I was hidden from prying eyes.
It seemed like an eternity before Mom threw open her door. “Unbelievable,” she groaned, as she tossed several folders in the backseat. I heard her put the key in the ignition, and then we were pealing out of the parking space. “Don’t you worry, JoJo. It’s all going to be okay. You don’t need that school!”
My arm fell away from my eyes, and I stared over at her. “Are you shitting me?”
“No, I’m not.”
“Mom, I just spent three and half years of my life at that school. Up until a few days ago, all my friends went there. Now, I’m just supposed to say, ‘screw em’ and go on?”
She didn’t respond. Instead, she eyed the clock on the dash. It was noon. Before I knew it, she was whipping into a parking space at Longhorn’s, my favorite restaurant.
“Come on.”
I rolled my eyes. “Mom, in case you missed it, I was knocked unconscious like an hour ago. I need rest, not a steak.”
“You’re not getting a steak.”
“I’m not?” I questioned.
“Well, you can. But I was thinking about a different kind of fortification.”
Since it was pointless arguing with her, I merely snorted my frustration and grabbed my purse. A few seconds later at Mom’s request we were sliding into a booth away from most of the lunch crowd.
The waitress came over. “And what can I get you guys?”
“I’ll have a Coke,” I replied, as I flipped open the menu.
I assumed Mom would order her typical water with lemon. She did, but she also added, “And I’ll have an Amoretto Sour please.”
When the waitress left, I arched my eyebrows at her. “Kinda early in the day for a drink, isn’t it?”
“It’s five o’clock somewhere,” she quipped with a smile.
“Whatever, Mom.”
The waitress returned with our drinks and took our order. I was about to make a comment on how nice it was to be served instead of serving someone when Mom slid the drink over to me.
“Are you kidding me?”
She shook her head. “You’ve had a helluva week.”
“I was just hit in the head!” I countered.
Mom closed her eyes and then rubbed her temple. “And you were checked over and cleared by the school nurse. A little drink will do wonders to calm you down, Jordan.”
I sighed with exasperation. “Fine.” I glanced around the restaurant, making sure no one was watching, before downing the glass in two long gulps. “Happy?” I asked when Mom looked at me.
“Sure.”
As the alcohol coated my stomach, I shuddered. “I remember another time you brought me to Longhorn and got me liquored up,” I said, after our salads arrived.
“Oh?” Mom asked, as she drizzled a fine layer of Honey Mustard on her salad.
“Uh-huh. It was right before I went in for my abortion.”
Mom gasped and dropped the small dish of dressing. It smashed onto the floor and shattered.
The waitress came hurrying over. “I’m so sorry. It just slipped right through my hands,” Mom apologized.
“Oh, it’s all right,” the waitress, whose nametag read ‘Tami”, assured.
Once the mess was cleaned up, Mom turned her dark eyes toward me. “How dare you mention that today?”
“Why not? It was Carson’s fault both times. I mean, he did knock me up, remember?”
Mom shook her head. “Don’t do this today, Jordan. Please!”
Tami interrupted her pleas. “Can I get you another drink?”
Mom bobbed her head, and Tami headed back to the bar. “If we’re strolling down memory lane, I believe he beat the shit out of you when you told him about the pregnancy, just like today,” Mom said.
I flinched. “Yeah, he did. But you kept saying maybe it was for the best because it would make me have a miscarriage.”
This time when Tami brought the drink, Mom grabbed it up. “Jordan, you were fifteen years old. What was I supposed to say? ‘Sure sweetheart, I think it’s great you’re going to have a baby. Won’t you look sweet at prom with a big belly? And sure I want to be a grandmother at thirty five!’”
I speared the tomato in my salad, watching the seeds and juice ooze out. “Yeah, well, maybe it was wrong of me to have an abortion, don’t you ever think about that?”
Mom closed her eyes as she downed the drink. “Don’t moralize to me, all right? We’ve both made mistakes, okay? I realize I’m not Mother of the Year, but cut me some f*cking slack!”
I smeared the tomato around my salad, watching the greenery become a red, slick mess. “You said it would all work out. You said I’d get revenge,” I muttered, under my breath.
“Is this what it’s all about? Him?”
“Maybe.”
Mom sighed. “Revenge doesn’t come overnight, Jordan. It takes time to make someone suffer. You don’t get something for nothing, baby girl.”
I slammed my fork on the table. “So far I’ve gotten nothing but shit because of all of this. My car’s been screwed up, everyone hates me, I’ve gotten death threats on the answering machine, and today,” I shivered, “I was almost killed!”
Pushing her salad away, Mom then folded her hands in her lap. “So what do you want? Do you regret saying anything? Do you wish you’d just let him throw you aside like a used condom or something?”
It was then a slow pounding began in my head. “I don’t know,” I murmured. I brought my hand to my scalp, feeling along the bump. “I just want my life back.”
I glanced up to find Mom smiling sadly at me. “You’re never going to have your life back, JoJo. What we’ve done is done, and now whatever you had is gone.”
“Thanks for the pep talk,” I snapped.
She reached across the table to take my hand. “Listen to me. You just pitched a bitch fit to stay at a school that doesn’t want you anymore. Baby, I could have told you it was never going to be the same.”
Tears stung my eyes, and for the first time in the past few days, I regretted everything. And in that moment, I knew that if I could have taken it all back, I would have. Just to have my old life again. The life that a mere five days ago was completely different than the hell I experienced now.
“Don’t cry, baby. There are good times for you still out there.”
“Good things come to good people, and I sure as hell haven’t been good.” I wiped my eyes with the back of my sleeve and shook my head. I shook my head when Mom started to protest. “Something has to give.”
She raised her eyebrows in surprise. “Oh?”
“Yeah, Mom, I’m really serious. Right now, my life could be some pathetic Lifetime movie. I’m only eighteen years old, but I’ve been in an abusive relationship, I’ve been pregnant, and not only have I had an affair with a married man, but I’ve accused him of rape.” I snatched the napkin off the table and wiped my nose. “I mean, if this isn’t the big turning point, I don’t know what else is.”
As the words rolled off my tongue, it sounded like someone else saying them. But deep down I knew it was the truth, and it was almost freeing to say the words out-loud. I mean, anyone could see I had totally f*cked up my life, and there was no one else to blame but me. So, in the same token, there was no one else to get me outta the shithole but me.
I didn’t want this darkness hanging over me anymore. I wanted peace and some semblance of a new life. I couldn’t cling to the Old Jordan anymore. I had to become reborn.
Across the table, Mom remained silent. “All right, JoJo, if you’re serious, you know that I support you. We can drop the charges against Coach T. We’ll enroll you at this Pathways school, and you can start seeing my therapist—”
“No therapists.” I’d been that route before just after my dad left. There’s nothing to make you feel like a total loser than going to a “kiddie shrink”.
Tami interrupted us by bringing our food. Suddenly, I didn’t have much of an appetite. Mom must of noticed because she said, “Tami, would you be a dear and bring us some to-go boxes? We’re going to have to be leaving soon.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
When she left, Mom looked at me. “You need to eat, JoJo.”
Obediently like a child, I lifted the knife and cut into my steak. After three bites, I glanced up at her. “Satisfied?”
She nodded. She’d only been toying with her food anyway. “If you’re not going to go to therapy, what change are you going to make?”
It was at that moment that something bizarrely divine happened. Something I could have almost blown off if it hadn’t happened before my eyes. Two nuns walked in the door with their arms loaded down with packages. I’d never seen shopping nuns before, but it was all the sign I needed.
“I want to go to school at Saint Catherine’s.”
Mom gasped. “That all girls school?”
“Yes.”
“That Catholic school?”
“Yes!” I continued looking at the nuns. One of them caught my eye, and she smiled. I returned her smile. Mom glanced over her shoulder. “Are you trying to tell me you want to become a nun? Because if you are, I’m taking you to the f*cking hospital right now!”
I fought not to laugh in her face since her outrage was quite humorous. But I decided I’d better reassure her instead. “No, Mom, I don’t want to become a nun. But I do want to change, and school is part of that. I just think the best thing for me would be to go to an all girls’ school. Away from guys—including teachers.”
Our to-go boxes arrived, and Mom started shoveling her food inside. “Want me to do yours?” she asked, when I still held my fork in midair.
“Aren’t you going to tell me what you think?”
Mom responded by sliding my plate over and dumping it into the box. Then she dug in her purse for her debit card. After she slid it into the leather envelope, she finally looked up at me. She sighed. “Whatever you want to do, JoJo, I’m behind you.”
I smiled. “Really?”
“Of course. For better or worse, I’m your mother. So, if you want to go to school with a bunch of chicks and nuns, then I’m all for it.”
“Thanks Mom.”
And for the first time all week, I actually felt good. I’d had a near death experience, and I wasn’t going to waste it. I was going to change, and I was going to come clean about Coach T.