"Are you a State Policeman with a blue car that goes really fast?"
"No-I'm County Sheriff. Usually I have a brown car with a star on the side, and it does go pretty fast, but tonight I'm driving my old station wagon that I keep forgetting to trade in." Alan grinned. "It goes really slow."
This sparked some interest. "Why aren't you driving your brown policeman car?"
So I wouldn't spook Jill Mislaburski or your brother, Alan thought. I don't know about Jill, but I guess it didn't work so well with Brian.
"I really don't remember," he said. "It's been a long day."
"Are you a Sheriff like in Young Guns?"
"Uh-huh. I guess so. Sort of like that."
"Me and Brian rented that movie and watched it. It was most totally awesome. We wanted to go see Young Guns II when it was at The Magic Lantern in Bridgton last summer but my mom wouldn't let us because it was an R-picture. We ain't allowed to see R-pictures, except sometimes our dad lets us watch them at home on the VCR. Me and Brian really liked Young Guns." Sean paused, and his eyes darkened.
"But that was before Brian got the card."
"What card?" For the first time, a real emotion appeared in Sean's eyes. It was terror. "The baseball card. The great special baseball card."
"Oh?" Alan thought of the Playmate cooler and the baseball cards-traders, Brian had called them-inside. "Brian liked baseball cards, didn't he, Sean?"
"Yes. That was how he got him. I think he must use different things to get different people."
Alan leaned forward. "Who, Sean? Who got him?"
"Brian killed himself I saw him do it. It was in the garage."
"I know. I'm sorry."
"Gross stuff came out of the back of his head. Not just blood.
Stu It was yellow."
Alan could think of nothing to say. His heart was pounding slowly and heavily in his chest, his mouth was as dry as a desert, and he felt sick to his stomach. His son's name clanged in his mind like a funeral bell rung by idiot hands in the middle of the night.
"I wished he didn't," Sean said. His voice was strangely matterof-fact, but now a tear rose in each of his eyes, grew, and spilled down his smooth cheeks. "We won't get to see Young Guns II together when they put it out for VCRS. I'll have to watch it by myself, and it won't be any fun without Brian making all his stupid jokes. I know it won't."
"You loved your brother, didn't you?" Alan said hoarsely. He reached through the hospital bars. Sean Rusk's hand crept into his and then closed tightly upon it. It was hot. And small. Very small.
"Yeah. Brian wanted to pitch for the Red Sox when he grew up. He said he was gonna learn to throw a dead-fish curve, just like Mike Boddicker. Now he never will. He told me not to come any closer or I'd get the mess on me. I cried. I was scared. It wasn't like a movie. It was just our garage."
"I know," Alan said. He remembered Annie's car. The shattered windows. The blood on the seats in big black puddles. That hadn't been like a movie, either. Alan began to cry. "I know, son."
"He asked me to promise, and I did, and I'm going to keep it.
I'll keep that promise all my life."
"What did you promise, son?"
Alan swiped at his face with his free hand, but the tears would not stop. The boy lay before him, his skin almost as white as the pillowcase on which his head rested; the boy had seen his brother commit suicide, had seen the brains hit the garage wall like a fresh wad of snot, and where was his mother? Visiting with The King, he had said. She shuts the door and puts on her sunglasses and visits with The King.
"What did you promise, son?"
"I tried to swear it on Mommy's name, but Brian wouldn't let me.
He said I had to swear on my own name. Because he got her, too. Brian said he gets everyone who swears on anyone else's name.
So I swore on my own name like he wanted, but Brian made the gun go bang anyway." Sean was crying harder now, but he looked earnestly up at Alan through his tears. "It wasn't just blood, Mr.
Sheriff. It was other stuff. Yellow stuff."
Alan squeezed his hand. "I know, Sean. What did your brother want you to promise?"
"Maybe Brian won't go to heaven if I tell."
"Yes he will. I promise. And I'm a Sheriff."
"Do Sheriffs ever break their promises?"
"They never break them when they're made to little kids in the hospital," Alan said. "Sheriffs can't break their promises to kids like that."
"Do they go to hell if they do?"
"Yes," Alan said. "That's right. They go to hell if they do."
"Do you swear Brian will go to heaven even if I tell? Do you swear on your very own name?"
"On my very own name," Alan said.
"Okay," Sean said. "He made me promise I would never go to the new store where he got the great special baseball card. He thought Sandy Koufax was on that card, but that wasn't who it was. it was some other player. It was old and dirty, but I don't think Brian knew that." Sean paused a moment, thinking, and then went on in his eerily calm voice. "He came home one day with mud on his hands.