Chapter Five
When I shut myself into the grungy bathroom stall, I fought to keep my emotions in check. I felt like I was on a defective Merry-Go- Round. One minute Jake is showing interest in me and the next hooking up with some random waitress. What the hell was his deal? I guess the better question was what was my deal? Why in the world was I remotely interested in some a*shole who would do that? I had to be delusional to think that someone like Jake Slater would actually be interested in me or be willing to give up his manwhore existence.
“I’m so stupid!” I exclaimed.
Once I finished in the bathroom, I drew in a deep breath before heading outside. I half expected Jake to be waiting on me to try and talk or explain himself, but once again, he disappointed me. Instead, he sat at the table with his chin propped up on one of his hands while the other guys talked and laughed.
As I eased down at the table, I didn’t dare look over at him. It was too embarrassing. I tried occupying myself with my phone. But I felt his eyes burning into me. Then the heat from his body grew closer as he leaned over, causing me to hold my breath. “Angel, about what happened back there—”
He was interrupted by his phone ringing. One glance at the caller ID and he tumbled out of his chair.
“Dude, what’s wrong?”
“It’s Sally,” Jake replied before he stalked out of the restaurant.
Even though I hated myself for it, I asked, “Who is Sally?”
“His aunt,” AJ replied with a grimace. He then downed the last of his beer before adding, “I sure hope that means nothing is wrong with his mom.”
I then followed the guys out of the restaurant. Frank hadn’t arrived yet, so we stood under the awning waiting for him. Peering into the night, I caught sight of Jake’s form. His phone was pressed tight to his ear while he was pacing around the parking lot. With his free hand, he gesticulated wildly. Whatever it was his aunt was saying was obviously very upsetting to him. Just as he finished the phone call, the familiar black SUV came screeching into the parking lot.
“Jake!” AJ called.
Without responding, he came stalking over to us. This time he didn’t bother opening the door or helping me inside. Instead, he disappeared into the backseat without a word to anyone.
I hopped inside and then chewed on the inside of my cheek. Should I forget what an asshat he had been earlier and at least check on him? Although part of me wanted to tell him where to get off, I finally bit the bullet and turned back in my seat to look at him. His expression was dark as he stared ahead. “Everything okay?” I tentatively asked.
“Fine,” he muttered.
Realizing he wasn’t in the mood to talk, I eased around in my seat and looked out the windshield. While the guys were loud and boisterous on the way back, Jake didn’t say a word. Once the SUV came to a stop in front of the bus, he hopped out and pounded up the front steps.
“What bug is up his ass, I wonder?” Rhys questioned before getting out.
The boys had all filed out of the SUV when Frank touched my shoulder. I turned back to him in surprise. “Abby, I know Jake, and from the way he was acting, I’m worried that something bad has happened with his family. He doesn’t open up easily, but if you can, please try to find out what’s going on with him.”
“But you saw he wouldn’t say two words to me earlier.”
“I know. But please, keep trying.”
“Fine, I’ll try.” I got out of the SUV and headed onto the bus. While the other guys were lounging around in the living area, Jake was noticeably absent. I craned my neck around to see if he had slipped into the bathroom.
“Where’s Jake?” I asked as the bus driver started up the engine.
“He got his iPod and hit the bed.”
A glance at the clock on the microwave showed it was only eight. I couldn’t imagine a guy like Jake going to bed so early. I decided I better change the subject. “Speaking of, where will I be sleeping tonight?”
“It’s my night for the bed, but I’ll totally give it to you,” Rhys offered.
“No, no, I don’t want any special treatment. I’m serious about the bet and experiencing all aspects of life on the road. I’ve slept in a roost before, and I can do it again.”
AJ grinned. “Let me guess though. You’d prefer a bottom bunk.”
I nodded. “Yeah, I like to be close to the ground. A couple of years back I was on the top bunk when we got in a bad hail storm. The bus skidded on the slick roads, and I fell out.”
“Then the first bottom bunk is yours, Abby,” Brayden said with a smile.
“Thank you.”
He motioned to the couch. “We were just about to watch a movie if you’d like to join us.”
“Nothing NC-17 I hope?” I teased.
Brayden laughed. “No, maybe a little R-rated Will Ferrell comedy. Would that be okay?”
“If it’s Ricky Bobby, you got a deal.”
“Great minds think alike.”
“Just let me get changed.” As I walked back to the bedroom, I paused outside of Jake’s roost. “Jake?” I tentatively asked. When he didn’t respond, I kept on going. Even though I pushed my luggage and guitar case against the door, I tore off my dress at record speed. I then threw on my ratty Jacob’s Ladder’s t-shirt and my yoga pants from earlier. I slid my hair into a ponytail and then headed back out.
The opening of the movie was already playing when I eased down beside Brayden on the couch. Even though we’d probably all seen the movie a million times, we were laughing hysterically. I had to admit that it was fun hanging out with the guys sans Jake. His absence seemed to take the pressure off, and AJ and Rhys behaved like brothers, rather than potential lovers.
After they started Step-Brothers, the exhaustion of the day, coupled with the lull of the bus, caused me to get drowsy. My eyes grew heavier and heavier until I finally nodded off. When I woke up, the movie was ending, and my head was on Brayden’s shoulder. I jerked away from him. “Oh, I’m so, so sorry!”
He smiled. “It’s okay. You were tired.” He glanced over at the other guys. “We should probably get our asses in bed. Tomorrow is another long day of traveling before the next show.”
Once we all took turns using the bathroom, we settled into our roosts. I glanced down at my phone and fielded a few texts from the boys. Thankfully, my parents were at a conference with packed events, so the boys had yet to break the news to them until a few hours before about my mishap. Because it was so late, I didn’t get a wrath-filled phone call like I normally would have.
Instead, it was a barrage of heated texts from my dad that if he hadn’t been a minister would have equated to “What the hell do you think you’re doing on a bus with a bunch of horny rockers?” My mom, who was always the peacemaker, was included in the messages and tried reasoning with my father, which was pretty hilarious considering they were in the same room.
Finally, I went for the jugular by telling him as a minister, he shouldn’t be so judgmental. After a lengthy pause, he finally responded with You’re right, Abigail. We know you have a good head on your shoulders. Just make sure you let your conscience and your moral compass guide you.
I fought the urge to roll my eyes at the epic guilt trip laid at my feet. Instead, I quickly typed back, Of course I will. I’ll see you guys in a week.
My parents were flying in to see my first performance with the boys. I was supposed to have had this week as preparation, but now I would be heading right off the bus and to my first show. I gulped down the rising bile in my throat at the thought.
After telling them goodnight, I laid my phone down and settled in the cramped quarters. Just as I closed my eyes, a long groan came from close to my head. It took me about two seconds to decipher that I was way too close to Jake for comfort. Each and every time I started to doze off, Jake would make a noise, and I would be wide awake again.
I fluffed my pillow for what felt like the millionth time and tried ignoring the sounds coming from Jake’s bunk. Heat flooded my face when the whimpers and groans escalated. Jeez, it sounds like something off a porno! With my brothers, I had a pretty good mind what he was doing, and it infuriated me, especially after what had happened earlier with Billie Jean.
They all swore to me they’d be perfect gentlemen if I stayed on the bus with them! I silently fumed. What kind of sex-fiend maniac is Jake that he needs to do that again after just getting off at the diner? I don’t care if he needs to relieve some stress after the phone call earlier. This is bullshit!
Flopping back down on the mattress, I crossed my arms over my chest before a frustrated grunt escaped my lips.
“?No puedes dormir, Angel?” AJ’s deep voice questioned from behind my curtain.
I flipped back the heavy fabric. He reclined on his bunk, flipping through a sports magazine. “No, I can’t sleep with all the racket going on next to me.”
He met my gaze and grinned. “Don’t get the sexy, lacy panties I dream about you wearing in a twist. He isn’t jerking off.”
“That’s not what I was thinking.”
“Yeah right,” he snorted with a wink.
As if on cue, Jake let out a long moan. I shook my head. “Um well, if he’s not doing that, then is he okay?”
“He’s been having a lot of nightmares lately. I try to ignore it—let him save face and not look like a p-ssy.”
I rolled my eyes. “Did you ever stop to think maybe you should ask him if something is going on with him?”
AJ quirked his brows at me. “If I started getting sappy and shit like that, Jake would ask me when I grew a vagina.”
“Well, I think someone should check on him. I mean, he sounds like he’s in both physical and emotional pain.”
When AJ didn’t move, I heaved an exasperated sigh before hopping out of my bunk. I could not believe after everything I had been through with Jake so far in the last twelve hours that I even had one shred of care left for him. But I had seen something within him—some flicker of decency—that made me worry and care about him, even when I shouldn’t.
I shot AJ a murderous look to which he held up his hands. “Look, mi amor, guys just don’t do the touchy-feely shit, okay? If I woke up Jake right now to cuddle him, he would get super pissed.”
I ignored him and tip-toed over to Jake. With trembling fingers, I opened the heavy curtain to his roost. Jake had the sheet twisted around his waist. A coat of sweat covered his heavily tattooed chest. His brow creased, and his mouth curved up in a grimace. My hand hesitated above his shoulder. Finally, I shook him gently. “Jake, wake up,” I urged softly.
His body jerked before his wild eyes popped open and swept across the top of the bunk.
“Shh, it’s okay,” I murmured.
Jake’s frantic gaze swept over to mine while he opened his mouth and gasped for breath.
I gave him a reassuring smile while rubbing his shoulder. “You were having a nightmare.”
Jake continued wheezing in air. I eased back as he swung his legs out of the bunk and onto the carpet. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he leaned forward and put his head in his hands. “I’m sorry I woke you,” he replied.
With my protective side shooting into overdrive, I scooted closer to him, bringing my hand to his hair. Gently, I ran my fingers through the dark, sweat-stained strands, pushing them out of his eyes. “You didn’t wake me. I was worried about you.”
His head jerked up as surprise flooded his face. “You were?”
I nodded. “You seemed a little down after your phone call with your aunt. Then with the nightmare.” I glanced up at AJ who was curiously watching us. “I know most of the guys aren’t men enough to handle emotions and issues—”
AJ snorted. “Those are your words, not mine.”
“Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I’m here for you. If you need to talk about something or if you just need someone to sit with you until you can go back to sleep, then I’m here.”
With wide eyes and his mouth gaping open, Jake stared at me for a moment like I had grown horns. Realizing I wasn’t getting anywhere with him, I held up my hands. “Or I can just leave you alone and go back to sleep. Either is fine.”
When I turned to leave, Jake grabbed my hand. “Wait,” he instructed in a hoarse voice.
“Okay.”
“That’s a really sweet offer, Angel. It makes me feel like a real ass. I need to tell you how sorry I am about earlier. That was a real douche move. Not that it matters, but she came on to me. But I should have told her no and meant what I told you.”
I was so not expecting an apology from him, so it took me a minute before I could even process thoughts, least of all acknowledge what he had said. “Thank you.” When he gave me an embarrassed smile, I sighed. “As much as I appreciate hearing that, it’s not what’s really bothering you, is it?”
He shook his head. “It’s just...” He cleared his throat. “My Aunt Sally was calling for my mother. She said Mama didn’t want to worry me in the middle of the tour and refused to tell me the truth of what was going on…”
“What’s wrong?” I urged.
His chest rose and fell in harsh breaths. “After being in remission for three years, my mom’s cancer has come back. Aunt Sally says…” His face contorted in agony. “She says there’s nothing they can do this time—no more treatments. She’s being given medicine to make her comfortable for her last…few months.”
I gasped. “Oh Jake, I’m so, so sorry.” I took his hands in mine and squeezed. The expression on his face was one of pure anguish and devastation, and my chest constricted for the pain I could feel radiating off of him.
Tears welled in his tormented blue eyes. “It’s just…” He motioned towards the bunks. “You can ask the other guys about what an absolute Mama’s Boy I am. After my dad ran off with his secretary and got remarried, I was her world. She’s everything to me. I can’t even think about…” His words choked off with emotion, and then he started crying. Well, it was more harsh, body shuddering sobs. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him to me. He buried his face in my stomach, his body heaving and shaking from his cries.
His wailing brought Brayden from his roost while Rhys staggered out of the bedroom. Both of them stared at Jake in disbelief like he was some alien life form. I don’t know if it was the crying or the fact he was wrapped in my arms. When I glanced up at AJ, his expression was shell-shocked, but there was also pain in his eyes. After all, he’d grown up with Jake and knew his mom very well.
I gave AJ an empathetic look. “Not Susan,” he said softly. He pinched his eyes shut, and I knew he was fighting not to start crying himself. “Motherf*cker,” he muttered under his breath.
The next thing I knew I tumbled backward when Jake sank onto his knees on the floor of the bus. Pulling on my hips, he jerked me down beside him, wrapping me in a bear hug. “Shh, it’s going to be okay,” I crooned into his ear.
He shook his head wildly back and forth. “No, it’s not. If it hadn’t been as bad as it was, Aunt Sally would never have called.” My body shook so hard with his sobs that my teeth clattered together. “Oh God, I can’t bear this, Angel. I’ll die without her.”
Although I’d grown up watching my parents handle emotional parishioners on a daily basis, I felt completely and totally helpless when it came to comforting Jake. I tried to draw on the right words to say to comfort him as I rubbed wide circles across his back.
“Listen, I’ll call my parents and tell them to put her on their prayer list. I mean, they don’t call my dad’s church the God-dome for nothing! And maybe there’s another doctor she can see. You know, get a second opinion or something.” My mind spun with thoughts as I tried to think of something to do or say to comfort Jake since he continued to sob uncontrollably. As soon as I thought of another one, I blurted, “Hey, one of our church’s deacons is on the board of a cancer treatment center. We can get your mom an appointment there.”
Jake’s sobs started to wane, but he kept his arms firmly around me. His voice, hoarse from his crying, came muffled against my chest. “I appreciate it, Angel. But Aunt Sally made it abundantly clear. The cancer’s been back, and there’s not a f*cking thing I can do but watch her die.”
Running my fingers through his hair, I leaned over to whisper in his ear. “I’m so, so sorry. I’d give anything if I could take away your pain.”
“Thank you,” he murmured. He pulled back to stare up at me. Tears glistened in his blue eyes while his expression still contorted in misery. “You really mean all that, don’t you?” When I creased my brows in confusion, he replied, “The wanting to take my pain away and what you would do for my mom.”
“Of course I do.”
He continued to stare at me with an incredulous look as if he thought at any moment I might disappear—like I was just some illusion. His trembling hand came to rest against my cheek. “You really are an angel, aren’t you?”
I smiled. “No, I’m just someone who cares about you and your mom.”
“But don’t you see. I’ve never met a girl who really cared about me and not because I’m Jake Slater from Runaway Train.”
“Then that’s sad because in spite of some of your faults, you really are worth knowing and caring about.”
Jake blinked a few times at my words as he ran his thumb across my cheek bone. He leaned up, and just when I sucked in a breath because I thought he was going to kiss me, he planted a tender kiss on my cheek. “Thank you, Abby. Maybe my mom was right when she claimed fate brought us together.”
My eyes widened at his statement. “Maybe so,” I murmured.
After standing there staring at each other for a few moments, I patted Jake’s shoulder. “Are you feeling better now?”
He shrugged. “As good as I can be, I guess.”
“Need some water or milk before you go back to sleep?”
The corners of his lips tugged up. “Are you going to offer to read me a bedtime story next?”
I laughed. “No, I was just trying to take care of you.”
“You were mothering me,” he murmured as sadness washed over his face.
“Well, if you don’t need anything else, I guess I’ll go back to bed.” When I started to my roost, Jake grabbed my arm, pulling me against him. “Sleep with me,” he whispered in my ear.
I jerked away, ready to launch into a tirade for him playing on my emotions to put the moves on me when the tormented expression on his face stopped me cold.
He stared pleadingly into my eyes. “I’m still so f*cking scared, Angel. I need someone just to hold tonight so I won’t be alone.”
I had to fight to catch my breath. How was it possible that the broken, vulnerable guy in front of me and the cocky, self-absorbed Jake who infuriated me were one in the same?
“No funny business?”
He shook his head. “I swear.”
I drew my bottom lip between my teeth as I weighed my options. After his emotional breakdown, I couldn’t imagine being cruel by leaving him all alone. I tried to think about how I would feel if it were my mom. “Okay, I will. If it’ll make you feel better.”
Leaning forward, he gave my cheek a tender kiss. “Thank you, Angel.”
My heartbeat accelerated so fast that I swept my hand over my shirt to make sure it wasn’t going to explode right out of my chest. What was happening to me? One minute I was comforting Jake and then next I was having all these inappropriate feelings about him running through me. Finally, I said, “You’re welcome.”
Rhys stepped forward. “Take the bed tonight, man.”
“No, it’s your night.”
With a shrug, Rhys replied, “Least I can do and all.” His gaze flickered over to mine. “Besides, it’ll be more comfortable for Abby.”
“I appreciate it, but I don’t want pity. Okay?” Jake replied.
Although it was kindness, not pity, that Rhys was offering, he bobbed his head. “Whatever. It’s yours if you want it. Just remember that.”
“Thanks, man.”
Rocking back and forth on his feet, Rhys finally stepped forward. He tentatively put an arm around Jake. “I’m sorry, man. I really am.”
Jake patted Rhys’s back. “Thanks. I appreciate it.”
When Rhys pulled away, Brayden took his place. Jake clung to him, and I could tell he was fighting not to lose his emotions again. “We’re here for you, brother. We’ll see you through this to the end—to hell and back. Got it?” Brayden said.
“Yeah, I know.”
Taking Jake by the shoulders, Brayden looked at Jake almost like a father would a son. “Anything you need, you got it. Tour cancelations or pushing back the album, it’s done, okay? No questions asked and no shit taken from the label.”
“I can’t let you guys down,” Jake protested.
“There are other things in the world besides records and concert tickets. Whatever time you need to be with your mom, you have my blessing.” He gazed around Rhys and AJ before adding, “And if either one of these f*ckers has one thing to say about it, I’ll knock his block off.”
Rhys held up his hand. “Hey, you guys are my brothers. We’re the four musketeers—‘All for one and one for all bullshit’. I’m unified in whatever decisions the brotherhood makes, and I’ll go toe to toe with the suits if they wanna give us grief. I mean, I did drop out of law school, remember? I can find a loophole in the contract like that.” He snapped his fingers for effect.
Tears sparkled in Jake’s eyes. “Thanks guys.”
I noticed that AJ had been conspicuously quiet. Finally, he hopped down from his roost. He and Jake stood staring at each other for a few seconds before they fell into each other’s arms. “Dude, I don’t know what the f*ck to say. My heart is shattered—for Susan and for you,” AJ lamented, his voice muffled against Jake’s chest.
“It’s okay, man. You don’t have to say anything,” Jake replied.
“But I want to. I want to say and do all the right things because you’ve been my best f*cking friend since we were eleven years old.”
Tears flowed freely down my cheeks at the sight of all the love between the guys. I swept them away with the back of my hands. Jake finally pulled away from AJ and gave a rueful smile. “Okay, enough with the crying—we’re acting like a bunch of pussies. I don’t know who took our balls, but enough with the bullshit emotions.”
At my sharp intake of breath and what I guess was my horrified expression, Jake started laughing. It wasn’t long before all the guys joined in with him. Crossing my arms over my chest, I huffed, “Well, I’m so glad I could amuse you guys!”
AJ winked at me. “We needed that, Angel.”
“Whatever,” I replied.
“Okay, shows over. Go back to bed guys,” Brayden instructed.
Rhys yawned and bobbed his head. “Night, guys. Night, Abby,” he said before turning back to the bedroom.
“Night,” I called after him.
Brayden and AJ made their goodnights and then went back to their bunks, leaving me and Jake completely alone.
As I eyed the crumpled sheets of his roost, I asked, “So how do you want to do this?”
“Can I spoon you?”
My eyebrows shot up. “Can you what?”
The shadow of a smile fluttered on Jake’s lips. “You really don’t know what that is, do you?”
An embarrassed flush filled my cheeks as I ducked my head. “No,” I murmured.
Jake’s finger came under my chin and tipped my head up to look at him. “It’s okay. I’ll show you.” On his knees, he edged across the bunk to where he was pressed up against the wall. Then he turned on his side to where he was facing me. He then motioned me with his hand. I sighed. It was now or never time. I eased down beside him.
“Now lie on your side,” he instructed.
I quickly flipped over to where I wasn’t facing him. My breath hitched when I felt him snuggle up behind me. His arm snaked around my waist to drape across my hip. He then nestled his chin into my neck. His breath was warm against my skin as he asked, “Is this okay?”
I tried to still my rapid breathing. The truth was it felt so good being this close to him. Although it was just to comfort him, it felt dangerous and illicit sharing a bed with Jake.
“Abby, is this okay?”
Jake rarely used my real name, so I knew he was really worried. I reached down to grab his hand in mine. I squeezed it tight before I glanced back at him over my shoulder. “It’s fine.”
The genuine smile he gave me caused my heart to flutter. “Thank you. I’ll never forget this.” In a lower voice, he murmured, “I’ll never forget you.”
I closed my eyes and willed myself to go to sleep. With the heat of Jake’s body against mine and the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest against my back, it wasn’t long before I was lulled into a deep, contented sleep.
***