I catch her eye, nod my head in the direction of the room I’m staying in, and head that way—praying like hell she will follow.
When I open the door and turn around, I’m happy to find her standing alongside me. I smile and allow her to go in first.
She perches on the edge of the bed. “Hey,” she says.
“Hey,” I say back.
“Are you still mad at me?”
“I’m not sure what I am,” I answer honestly.
“Dawson, will you let me explain about Bam? Like actually listen and try to understand?”
I nod.
“When we split, it devastated me. I couldn’t eat. Couldn’t sleep. Couldn’t work. I could barely get out of bed. Losing the baby and being told I couldn’t have more children broke me. To make matters worse, my husband was with another woman when it happened. He didn’t support me. Even though when it happened I swore I never wanted to see him again, there was a part of me that still loved him. That wanted him to come home, take me in his arms, and tell me it would be okay.”
“Which he finally did this week.”
“Two years too late. I’m sorry that I introduced you as my coworker and not my love. But you don’t know Bam. He’s used to getting what he wants. If he thought I was with someone else, it would only make him want me more.”
I squint my eyes. “You don’t want to make him want you more?”
“No, I don’t. I’m glad that we got a divorce, and I have no desire to get back together with him.”
“I heard he proposed.”
“He did. And we had the most heartfelt conversation we’ve had in years. It was something that I needed.”
“Why?”
“So I could get some closure and truly move on. With you, I hope. I still want you and the girls to move in with me.”
“Vanessa, I love you, but I don’t think I’m the right guy for you. So, I think it’s best that we both cut our losses and move on.”
“Dawson, what aren’t you telling me? I know that you’re keeping something from me. You made me get naked, but I don’t think you have.”
“You don’t get it. I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to keep dredging up the past. I’m trying to get over it! I’ve been trying for two years to get over it!” I yell.
“You’re upset just talking about talking about it. I need to know, Dawson. I need to understand.”
“Fine. You want the truth, here it is. Everything I have—the house, the car, the suits, the credit cards—isn’t mine. I’m broke. No retirement. No savings. Nothing. I couldn’t have moved here if it weren’t for Keatyn’s generosity. I couldn’t have even gotten a cheap apartment. I have no money. You have everything. And whatever you don’t have, Bam wants to give you.” Fuck. I can’t do this. “Not only can I not give you anything, you don’t fucking need anything. I have nothing to offer you.”
“Why don’t you have any money, Dawson?”
I shake my head.
“You made me get naked and tell you everything. What haven’t you told me? What did you do?”
“What did I do? Oh sure, it’s my fault. That’s exactly what everyone thinks. How did he not know? Easy. One day it was all there. The next day it was all gone. And within a few weeks, so was the guy she invested all our money with.” I bury my face in my hands. “And then she was dead. She fucking killed herself because she lost all our money and was afraid to tell me. Afraid to tell me she hadn’t made a house payment in months. That creditors were calling every day. She told me she made a bad investment, and we took a hit, but she said it would be fine. She lied.” I look up at her. “Just go, Vanessa. Please. I have nothing to offer you.”
Asher Vineyards — Sonoma County
RILEY
We’re sitting on the front porch of Aiden and Keatyn’s house, rocking and chatting like we always do when we’re here. Ariela is still hard at work but told me she’d meet up with me later.
“You know, I’m starting to think I’d like a place up in Sonoma,” I say. “A place to get away. A place to raise a family. I’d like to have a place like our house in the Hamptons. Big enough where my whole family could stay, just on the opposite coast.”
“I think your family would love that,” Keatyn says.
“Do you think I could find something like that, close to you like Knox will be?”
“Knox’s place is a stone’s throw away,” Grandpa says.
“I can have Aiden get you in touch with a local realtor,” Keatyn tells me. “He always calls when land goes on the market, and a lot of times he calls before it does. You might also think about building what you want.”
“Building? How long would that take?”
“At least a year, if not two—wait. There’s a house that we went to a few years ago. The architecture was amazing. Very modern.”
“I’m not sure if I like modern anymore.”
“Riley, it’s not the decor of your penthouse that feels cold, it’s you being lonely. And even though this house is modern, it’s got a ton of wood that makes it feel cozy.”