"No," I said, my voice strangled.
"It solves your worries about mortality, doesn't it? And then you wouldn't want to kill her, either. Isn't that the best way?"
"For me? Or for her?"
"For you," he answered easily. His tone added the of course.
I laughed humorlessly. "Wrong answer."
"I didn't mind so much," he reminded me.
"Rosalie did."
He sighed. We both knew that Rosalie would do anything, give up anything, if it meant she could be human again. Even Emmett.
"Yeah, Rose did," he acquiesced quietly.
"I can't... I shouldn't... I'm not going to ruin Bella's life. Wouldn't you feel the same, if it were Rosalie?"
Emmett thought about that for a moment. You really...love her?
"I can't even describe it, Emmett. All of a sudden, this girl's the whole world to me. I don't see the point of the rest of the world without her anymore."
But you won't change her? She won't last forever, Edward.
"I know that," I groaned.
And, as you've pointed out, she's sort of breakable.
"Trust me - that I know, too."
Emmett was not a tactful person, and delicate discussions were not his forte. He struggled now, wanting very much not to be offensive.
Can you even touch her? I mean, if you love her...wouldn't you want to, well touch her...?
Emmett and Rosalie shared an intensely physical love. He had a hard time understanding how one could love, without that aspect.
I sighed. "I can't even think of that, Emmett."
Wow. So what are your options, then?
"I don't know," I whispered. "I'm trying to figure out a way to...to leave her. I just can't fathom how to make myself stay away..."
With a deep sense of gratification, I suddenly realized that it was right for me to stay - at least for now, with Peter and Charlotte on their way. She was safer with me here, temporarily, than she would be if I were gone. For the moment, I could be her unlikely protector.
The thought made me anxious; I itched to be back so that I could fill that role for as long as possible.
Emmett noticed the change in my expression. What are you thinking about?
"Right now," I admitted a bit sheepishly, "I'm dying to run back to Forks and check on her. I don't know if I'll make it till Sunday night."
"Uh-uh! You are not going home early. Let Rosalie cool down a little bit.
Please! For my sake."
"I'll try to stay," I said doubtfully.
Emmett tapped the phone in my pocket. "Alice would call if there were any basis for your panic attack. She's as weird about this girl as you are."
I grimaced at that. "Fine. But I'm not staying past Sunday."
"There's no point in hurrying back - it's going to be sunny, anyway. Alice said we were free from school until Wednesday."
I shook my head rigidly.
"Peter and Charlotte know how to behave themselves."
"I really don't care, Emmett. With Bella's luck, she'll go wandering off into the woods at exactly the wrong moment and - " I flinched. "Peter isn't known for his selfcontrol. I'm going back Sunday."
Emmett sighed. Exactly like a crazy person.
Bella was sleeping peacefully when I climbed up to her bedroom window early Monday morning. I'd remembered oil this time, and the window now moved silently out of my way.
I could tell by the way her hair lay smooth across the pillow that she'd had a less restless night than the last time I was here. She had her hands folded under her cheek like a small child, and her mouth was slightly open. I could hear her breath moving slowly in and out between her lips.
It was an amazing relief to be here, to be able to see her again. I realized that I wasn't truly at ease unless that was the case. Nothing was right when I was away from her.
Not that all was right when I was with her, either, though. I sighed, letting the thirst fire rake through my throat. I'd been away from it too long. The time spent without pain and temptation made it all the more forceful now. It was bad enough that I was afraid to go kneel beside her bed so that I could read the titles of her books. I wanted to know the stories in her head, but I was afraid of more than my thirst, afraid that if I let myself get that close to her, I would want to be closer still...
Her lips looked very soft and warm. I could imagine touching them with the tip of my finger. Just lightly...
That was exactly the kind of mistake that I had to avoid.
My eyes ran over her face again and again, examining it for changes. Mortals changed all the time - I was sad at the thought of missing anything...
I thought she looked...tired. Like she hadn't gotten enough sleep this weekend.
Had she gone out?
I laughed silently and wryly at how much that upset me. So what if she had? I didn't own her. She wasn't mine.
No, she wasn't mine - and I was sad again.