Each torture continued to hit me relentlessly.
When my vision was restored I watched as each second the darkness ran down her face and flooded her white shirt, staining it red. Blood. Beads of blood were trickling at an alarming rate through her hair. I could remember the outrageous flavor floating on the air around her when I arrived at the studio. It was easy to ignore the thought as explosions of agony possessed me, like I was bursting with the pain of it all.
I brushed my fingers lightly over her face again, a reminder she was still here, safe...protected.
"It's entirely my fault," I whispered to Bella.
In the video her eyes began to close as James dropped the camera. The angle was not good, so the view was distorted, but that was a good thing. Bella slowly melted onto the floor, bringing her hand up to her face as protection. There was a guttural noise, the sound of flesh breaking.
That's when he bit her.
Seeing this, knowing how close she was to death felt like I was being pierced with scalding hot knives. This video just made it that much more horribly vivid. Each blow felt like I had been fatally wounded.
As if it were my own hand, Alice reached out and pressed the stop button. I was thankful, I didn't think I could watch those painful moments when I thought she was possibly dead or dying, the memory was clear enough, no need to add to the agony...though I deserved it.
Alice and Carlisle began talking with each other about what they just saw. I pushed their thoughts and their conversation from my mind. I couldn't think about it anymore. It was bad enough she was lying here, broken, mangled...bruised...unconscious. Grief began weighing on my heart.
I wished, prayed, even that this was all just a horrible nightmare; that I could sleep so I could wake from this. My stance around Bella was a continuance of looking like a body guard in hostile territory, even though she was safe in this hospital. I felt the ripping of my heart, slowly being shredded.
Halfway curling myself up on her bed, I kept my face close to hers. Kissing her every minute, just to feel the warmth on my lips. A reminder of how precious the life was that was laying here in front of me. My love...my existence. Each second realizing that she was my life, without her I would die. Not only would I die, I would beg for it, embrace it.
Other thoughts swam through my already troubled mind. I couldn't keep her. To have her be in my life would be like keeping her in the line of danger. She deserved more than me...she deserved marriage, kids, a family...college. Each thought lashed at me, leaving angry lacerations. I couldn't leave her now, but one day I will have to leave her. It pained me to think it, to know it had to be that way, but that is the only way it could be. I loved her too much to damn her to this existence, to take away her soul.
Hadn't I already been selfish enough? Hadn't Bella proven how unselfish, brave, and trusting she is already? I kissed her forehead once more as hopelessness threatened to engulf me.
Hey, bro, it's me. Can I come in?
I sat up. Emmett?
"Come in."
He came bursting through the door with a smile on his face, which slid away quickly once he saw Bella. He noticed the blood hanging down and held his breath quickly, though it didn't bother him like it would Jasper.
"Here ya go!" Emmett threw a bag towards me.
Man, he looks bad. "Wash up. You look how I do when I get done fighting a grizzly." He chuckled.
"Thanks," I rummaged through the bag, glad to see clean clothes.
"Alice told me that Renée will be here in half an hour and it would probably be prudent if you didn't look like a train wreck." Another chuckle.
"Yes, I guess it would be best if I wasn't covered in her daughter's blood." I looked back at Bella.
I'll stay here with her if you want me too, Emmett added, coaxing me to clean myself.
"Okay, yeah. I'll just be right in here. There's a shower..."
"Yeah, yeah," he interrupted.
When I was in the bathroom I could feel the contacts slowly dissolving in my eyes. Having red eyes would probably scare her mother. I dug through my bag, hoping Alice would have predicted this. Bingo. Contacts. Thank you, Alice!