"He didn't find anyone for a long time. But, as monsters became the stuff of fairy tales, he found he could interact with unsuspecting humans as if he were one of them. He began practicing medicine. But the companionship he craved evaded him; he couldn't risk familiarity.
"When the influenza epidemic hit, he was working nights in a hospital in Chicago. He'd been turning over an idea in his mind for several years, and he had almost decided to act - since he couldn't find a companion, he would create one. He wasn't absolutely sure how his own transformation had occurred, so he was hesitant. And he was loath to steal anyone's life the way his had been stolen. It was in that frame of mind that he found me. There was no hope for me; I was left in a ward with the dying. He had nursed my parents, and knew I was alone. He decided to try..."
During my story telling, I had visualized everything that Carlisle and I had both witnessed during the few days before and after my transformation. The painful memory was something I rarely thought of these days. I looked out the window, banishing the unpopular imagines from my mind.
My chest was swelling at the relief I felt for finally releasing the information that could doom me from ever seeing this delightful creature again. The feeling of happiness that was surging through my body at this moment in time was completely indescribable. I hadn't realized that I would feel like this, too; that knowing she wasn't running, that she was one hundred percent accepting. I returned my gaze to Bella. She looked humble and my lips turned up; an automatic response to her beauty.
"And so we've come full circle," I finished.
"Have you always stayed with Carlisle, then?" she asked.
She was constantly asking all the questions that gave everything away about me and nothing about her, "Almost always," I replied.
I slowly reached out and placed my hand on her waist, exaggerating the movement. I delicately moved her along with me, always remembering how fragile she was.
"Almost?" Bella asked while we were walking down the hall.
Crap, I thought. Why was this the one question, of all the questions, to ask? I knew I would give her the answer. The internal argument of her safety still loomed in my mind. She should stay away from me but I loved her and the thought of her leaving caused me physical pain. Pain was something I hadn't felt since before the transformation. Bella brought out all the human aspects of me, including the weakness of pain.
I sighed, "Well, I had a typical bout of rebellious adolescence - about ten years after I was...born...created, whatever you want to call it. I wasn't sold on his life of abstinence, and I resented him for curbing my appetite. So I went off on my own for a time." I explained.
Now, this would be it, the thing that makes her scream in terror. I waited, but, instead of terror she was intrigued.
"Really?" she asked her eyes wide with curiosity.
She wasn't frightened? I admitted to killing humans and she was...curious. She is so peculiar. That was an understatement. She had lost her mind. We ascended the next set of stairs. I was leading her to my room. I turned and looked at her, "That doesn't repulse you?" I asked curtly.
"No."
"Why not?"
"I guess...it sounds reasonable," she said firmly.
A laugh escaped my lips as I thought of the absurdity of her answer. Horrified delight sliced through my veins.
"From the time of my new birth," I replied quietly, "I had the advantage of knowing what everyone around me was thinking, both human and non-human alike. That's why it took me ten years to defy Carlisle - I could read his perfect sincerity, understand exactly why he lived the way he did.
"It took me only a few years to return to Carlisle and recommit to his vision. I thought I would be exempt from the...depression...that accompanies a conscience. Because I knew the thoughts of my prey, I could pass over the innocent and pursue only the evil. If I followed a murdered down a dark alley where he stalked a young girl - if I saved her, then surely I wasn't so terrible."
I watched as she shivered. I continued in my quest to be nothing but honest with her, "But as time went on, I began to see the monster in my eyes. I couldn't escape the debt of so much human life taken, no matter how justified. And I went back to Carlisle and Esme. They welcomed me back like the prodigal. It was more than I deserved."
I stopped in front of my bedroom door, "My room," I told her while opening the door and leading her inside.
I watched her as she took in everything. Her eyes flowed rapidly from one side of the room to the other. Her stare lingered on my CD's.
"Good acoustics?" she asked.