Son of a bitch...
A part of me wanted to find out what room Amanda was staying in so I could finish off her life for her and give Ryan something else to focus on, but I didn’t want to face any part of my past again; Ryan had already done enough.
As the hot water rose up to my chest and grazed the necklace he’d given me, I stretched my foot out to switch off the lever. And before I knew it, I was crying. Hard.
The entire week that he hadn’t been at home had been the worst week I’d had in years. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat, and each time he hit ignore on my phone calls, I felt like I couldn’t breathe.
He was my everything and the very thought of him not trusting me –him not talking to me, was too painful to think about.
It hurt even more when Ashley and Caroline called me to tell me about the latest care packages he’d sent, how they’d spoken to him every day last week.
“He told us your first date was on the Golden Gate Bridge! Why didn’t you tell us that back then?” “We reminisced for hours, you should’ve heard us!” “He’s being pretty tight lipped about the wedding lately...He probably has a surprise for you...” “Could you tell him to call us via video chat tomorrow night? And tell him we said we love him since we’re going to be out of range for the rest of the day?”
I scrubbed a loofah all over my body and decided to cut my bubble bath short. I needed to go for a run. Now.
I slipped back into my robe and picked up the room phone.
“Fairmont Front Desk,” a woman answered. “How may I help you Mrs. Statham?”
“It’s Miss Gracen.”
“I’m sorry, Miss Gracen. How may I help you today?”
“Do you all have a gift or a clothing shop downstairs?”
“We do ma’am. Our gift shop features city collectibles and snacks, and our clothing shop is a mix of swimwear and light season gear at the moment. Would you like us to shut the shop down so you can shop privately?”
“Oh...No, that’s okay. I was just wondering if someone could bring me a tracksuit in a medium size. Just place it on my room tab.”
“Right away, Miss Gracen.” She waited for me to hang up first.
I pulled my hair into a messy knot and splashed my face with cold water to get some of the redness out of my eyes. If it wasn’t for the way they looked, I could’ve passed as perfectly happy right now.
Before I could begin my next series of cold-water face shots, there was a knock at my door.
I made sure my robe was secured and rushed over to open it.
“Good evening, Miss Gracen.” The bellman handed me five black wardrobe bags. “We weren’t sure what color you would like so we brought each one.”
“Thank you very much.” I handed him a tip.
“There’s an indoor runners’ park two miles down. Would you like one of our drivers to escort you there since it’s raining?”
“No, that’s okay...I’m just going to go for a short walk...I have an umbrella. Thank you very much though.” I smiled as I shut the door.
I didn’t care that it was raining. I needed to be outside with fresh air. Besides, I didn’t feel like being around other people. I wanted to be alone.
I slipped into the tracksuit and put on the tennis shoes Greg had brought me earlier in the week. I grabbed my favorite umbrella and my music and looked around for my room key.
Suddenly there was another knock at my door.
Deep down I wished it was Jonathan, but I knew the front desk was probably delivering another set of flowers late, so I dragged myself to the door and opened it.
Ryan?!
“Claire, can we please talk?”
I slammed the door in his face and turned away.
I realized the door must have bounced back because I suddenly felt him walking behind me.
“What the f**k are you doing?” I snapped.
“Please listen to me...” There were tears in his voice. “Claire, can we...Can we please be civil for five minutes?”
“We’ve gone from five seconds to five minutes? Please.” I tried to walk past him, but he put his hands on my shoulders.
“She doesn’t want to die knowing that you still hate her...” He narrowed his eyes at me. “You don’t have to mean it...You could just say you forgive her.”
“All bullshit aside, Ryan.” I gave him the meanest look I could manage. “Five years ago, I would’ve wanted to die happily married to you. But we don’t always get what we want, do we? Tell her to suck that shit up, or better yet, why don’t you have one of her friends suck you off and then she can feel exactly how I feel.” I left him seething in the living room and rushed into the adjoining room—where another door to the hallway was.
I unlocked the chain at the top of the door and pulled it open. I ran towards the elevators and texted Greg the number “9”—code for emergency. I pressed the down button frantically, hoping a car would come before Ryan found me.