“Okay, so maybe she got bored from doing outdoor activities for three days straight.” Bobbie Jo shrugged. “But tonight, all of that changes. Got it?”
Later that night, Helen slipped into a sundress and smiled. “I am now an official member of the thoroughly well-fucked club! Today’s romp goes down in my top ten f**ks of all time.”
“I thought you didn’t keep count.”
“I don’t keep count. I do rank though.” She laughed and handed me a huge strawberry margarita. “Are you ready to finally start your bachelorette party?”
“It’s not going to be anything crazy, right?”
“Of course it is.” She rolled her eyes. “Hurry up and drink that so I can get you to the first surprise.”
“Wait...Are Bobbie Jo and Kim coming with us? Why did they ditch me after the beach?”
“Drink the damn drink, Claire.”
I sighed and downed the drink in three huge gulps—wincing at the incredible amount of alcohol that was mixed in.
“Okay now, here...” She pulled me up and secured a blindfold around my eyes. “Step forward...Watch your step...Step up a little bit...Okay now keep moving forward...”
I didn’t know where the hell she was taking me, but half an hour later she was still leading me around.
“Thank you sir,” she said to someone as she pushed me forward.
A cool blast of air hit my face and I could feel the smooth floors of an indoor building. I kept following her directions until she suddenly grabbed my shoulders and held me still.
Clearing her throat, she removed my blindfold and I realized I was standing in the middle of a massive spa and salon. There was no one else around except Bobbie Jo and Kim, and they were standing on the other side of the room, waving at me.
“Before we can get the real party started, Kim and Bobbie Jo are going to give you a much needed makeover.”
“What? I don’t want a makeover.” I waved my ring in front of her face. “And I clearly don’t need one.”
“Sweet, naïve, and foolish Claire...” She shook her head. “You’re making married woman mistake number one and you’re not even married yet. No man wants to come home to the same woman month after month. You have to switch it up every now and then. Keep him interested, make him remember why you’re the—yeah...Feel free to fill in all the shit I don’t believe in right there.” She laughed. “I personally love your style and your hair, but you’ve been wearing it the same way for four and half years so it’s time for a change. Besides, I highly doubt two supermodels will screw you over.”
“Are you going to stick around and watch?” I noticed her stepping backwards.
“Claire, there’s a vaginal steaming spa right down the hall. The treatment is supposed to tighten my walls and make sex ten times more pleasurable. Where do you think I’m going to be?”
“You’re a terrible friend.”
“I love you too.” She walked me over to Kim and Bobbie Jo. “Please don’t scare Claire too much. She’s practically innocent.”
They laughed and shooed her away.
“Sit down here.” Bobbie Jo helped me into a salon chair. “You have very good symmetry, Claire. I’m not sure if I ever told you that before.”
“Thank you very much.”
“No, no, no. I was talking about you, not to you. This is business.” She grabbed a tweezer and plucked one of my eyebrows. “Look at this, Kim. These brows aren’t in line with her natural shape. We need to fix that now so they’ll be shaped perfectly when she gets married.”
“You’re right...What about her hair? I’m not really feeling this color.”
I cleared my throat. “No. I like my red hair.”
Kim raised her hand and gave me a look. “We know beauty, Claire. We’ve worked with the best, dated the best, and we’ve f**ked the best. We know exactly what we’re doing.”
“The red can stay, but it needs more volume—way more volume.” Bobbie Jo looked at me like I was an impossible project. “I’m thinking auburn highlights and a blowout.”
“And a deep mask facial...”
“And a mud bath...”
“And a major exfoliating process... ”
The two of them kept listing treatment after treatment, talking about me as if I wasn’t sitting right in front of them.
A waiter appeared out of nowhere and held out a tray of champagne glasses. I took two and sipped them as fast as I could.
“Claire?” Bobbie Jo tapped her chin. “We’re trying to figure out what color we should paint your lips...Tell me something, after you get done giving Jonathan head do you spit or swallow?”
I spluttered my champagne into the air. “Excuse me?”
“She swallows.” Kim laughed and helped me stand up. “Good for you, Claire! Spitters are quitters!”
Jesus...
Bobbie Jo tossed her head back and laughed. “Sinful red for you it is!”