“My gwardan...Elmo says everybody has a mommy, a daddy, or a gwardan.”
“Your guardian?”
She nodded and I sighed. “No. I’m not your guardian. I’m just your big brother.”
“But you do everything a guar-di-an does...You tuck me into bed at night...You teach me how to read...You get me food...”
“Go to sleep, Hayley.”
“And when I cry you come and hug me so I can stop...” She rolled back over. “That’s what guardians do, Johnnie. I saw it on the TV...”
A week later...
It was Hayley’s first day of pre-K and my mother had shockingly remembered to take her. As the three of us walked to Emory, Hayley giggled and clapped about going to “Real school! Like on TV!”
“Can you stop f**king shouting?” My mother rolled her eyes. “It’s too early in the morning for that shit.”
“I’m sorry, Mommy...” She looked up at me—hurt, so I patted her head and made a funny face to get her to smile again.
The three of us walked into the school building and waited as my mom filled out more paperwork and handed over her ID. When she was finished, one of the teachers led us into a colorful classroom.
Hayley squealed and immediately let our hands go—walking around the room in awe.
“Wow.” The teacher smiled. “I think that’s the most excited I’ve ever seen a child about her first day of school. My name is Miss Cole and I’ll be Hayley’s general education teacher for the year, Mrs. Statham. Since you’re here early, where would you like to sit today?”
“Sit?”
“Yes. We ask that at least one parent sit with the child on their first day of pre-K, so they can make the transition as easily as possible. Don’t worry, during naptime the principal orders food for all the parents so you can get a little break.”
“I...” My mother shook her head. “I can’t stay here all day...I have...I have a long shift ahead of me at the hospital...Lots of lives are at stake. She’ll be just fine.”
Miss Cole looked confused. “Can you stay for the first couple hours at least? We usually let the kids introduce themselves and their parents over orange juice and muffins.”
“No, I can’t. Sorry.” She shrugged. “Can my son take my place?”
“Um...Doesn’t he have to go to school today too?”
“Do you have school today, Jonathan?” She looked down at me and then she laughed. “Of course he has school, but it’s only two blocks down. Since you guys are Emory I and he’s at Emory II can’t you call over and work something out? I would stay if I could—I really would, because I don’t want her to be alone on her first day...If I had known about this I promise I would’ve taken off...I just...I just can’t—not at the last minute.”
Miss Cole’s eyes softened and she looked like she actually believed my mom’s lies. “I’ll see what we can do, Mrs. Statham. Thank you for all the hard work you do at the hospital.”
My mother reached out to shake her hand and then she walked over to Hayley, whispering something in her ear that made her bright face dim and her eyes water.
“Mr. Big Brother?” Miss Cole handed me two paper plates. “Pick whatever seat you want for you and your little sister and then take out the crayons that are in the desk. Before we introduce ourselves, we’re going to draw a picture of our favorite things. I’ll sort everything out with Emory II when I get back. I have to get more students.”
My mother patted Hayley’s head one more time and threw two thumbs up at us as she left the classroom, saying, “I love you, Jonathan and Hayley!” in the fakest voice I’d ever heard.
I tried to keep Hayley distracted by suggesting things for her to draw on her plate, but I couldn’t help but notice the tears falling down her face as the other kids took seats with their parents, as they were kissed and hugged repeatedly.
“Make sure you draw a picture of your parents or your guardians on the paper plate too!” Miss Cole smiled from the front of room.
Hayley’s bottom lip quivered and she took several short breaths, a sign that another one of her long crying episodes was about to begin. Before she could get it out, I tilted her face towards me and whispered. “Can you keep a secret, Hayley?”
She nodded, still taking short erratic breaths.
“What does a secret mean?”
“I...I can’t... tell no one...”
“Exactly...” I held her chin up and wiped her tears away with my sleeves. “So the secret is...I am your guardian.”
“I knew it!” She covered her mouth and then uncovered it, whispering, “I knew it, Johnnie! I won’t tell no one! Ever! I pinky promise!”
She held out her pinky for me to seal the deal and then she leaned over and gave me a hug. She started to color her plate again and then she looked up at me. “Can you keep a secret?”
“Of course.”
“I don’t think mommy and daddy love me...” She blinked.