Maybe Someday

Chapter Twenty

Sydney

“Are you crying?” Bridgette asks without com-

passion as she comes through the front door.

Warren follows closely behind her, but he pauses

the second his eyes meet mine.

I don’t know how long I’ve been sitting mo-

tionless on the couch, but it still isn’t long

enough for reality to have been absorbed just yet.

I’m still hoping this is a dream. Or a nightmare.

This isn’t how things were supposed to turn out.

“Sydney?” Warren says hesitantly. He knows

something is wrong, because I’m sure my

swollen, bloodshot eyes clearly give me away.

I attempt to form an answer, but I fail to come

up with one. As much a part of this as I am, I still

508/692

feel that Ridge and Maggie’s situation isn’t mine

to be sharing.

Luckily, Warren doesn’t have to ask me what’s

wrong, because I’m spared by Ridge’s presence.

He’s barging through the front door, taking both

Bridgette’s and Warren’s attention off of me.

He pushes between the two of them and heads

straight for his room. He swings open the door,

then comes out through the bathroom seconds

later. He looks at Warren and signs something.

Warren shrugs and signs back, but I can’t follow

their conversation at all.

When Ridge responds again, Warren looks dir-

ectly at me. “What does he mean?” Warren asks

me.

I shrug. “I failed to learn sign language

between now and the last time we spoke, Warren.

How the hell should I know?”

I don’t know where my unwarranted sarcasm

is coming from, but I feel Warren should have

anticipated that one.

509/692

He shakes his head. “Where’s Maggie,

Sydney?” Warren points at the counter toward

Ridge’s computer. “He says she had his com-

puter, so she had to come by here after she left

the hospital.”

I look at Ridge to answer but can’t deny the

fact that jealousy is coursing through me at

watching his reaction when it comes to Maggie.

“I don’t know where she went. All she did was

walk in, set your computer down, and grab her

things. She’s been gone for half an hour.”

Warren is signing everything I’m saying to

Ridge. When he finishes, Ridge runs a frustrated

hand through his hair, then takes a step toward

me. His eyes are angry and hurt, and he begins

signing with forceful movements of his hands.

His obvious anger makes me wince, but his dis-

appointment in me fills me with my own share of

anger.

“He wants to know how you could just let her

leave,” Warren says.

510/692

I immediately stand up and look Ridge directly

in the eye. “What did you expect me to do,

Ridge? Lock her in the damn closet? You can’t

be mad at me for this! I’m not the one who failed

to delete messages I wouldn’t want someone else

to read!”

I don’t wait for Warren to finish signing for

Ridge. I walk to my bedroom and slam the door

behind me, then drop down onto my bed. Mo-

ments later, I hear the door to Ridge’s bedroom

slam shut, too. The sounds don’t stop there,

though. I hear things crashing against his bed-

room walls, one by one, as he takes his frustra-

tion out on any inanimate object in his path.

I don’t hear the knock through the sounds

coming from Ridge’s bedroom. My door opens,

and Warren slips inside. He shuts my bedroom

door, then leans his back against it. “What

happened?” he asks.

I turn my head to face the other direction. I

don’t want to answer him, and I don’t want to

look at him, because I know anything I say to

511/692

him will only cause him to be disappointed in

Ridge and me. I don’t want him to be disappoin-

ted in Ridge.

“Are you okay?” His voice is closer now. He

sits down on the bed beside me and places a com-

forting hand on my back. The reassuring contact

from him causes me to break down again as I

bury my face in my arms. I feel as though I’m

drowning, but I have no fight left to even bother

coming up for air.

“You said something about messages to Ridge.

Did Maggie read something that upset her?”

I turn my head back over and look up at him.

“Go ask Ridge, Warren. It’s not my place to tell

you Maggie’s business.”

Warren purses his lips in a tight line, nodding

slowly while he thinks. “I kind of think it is your

place, though. Isn’t it? Does it not have

everything to do with you? And I can’t ask

Ridge. I’ve never seen him like this before, and

frankly, I’m a little terrified of him right now.

But I’m worried about Maggie, and I need you to

512/692

tell me what happened so I can figure out if

there’s anything I can do to help.”

I close my eyes, wondering how I can answer

Warren’s question with a simplified response. I

open my eyes and look at him again. “Don’t be

angry with him, Warren. The only thing Ridge

has done wrong is fail to delete a few messages.”

Warren tilts his head and narrows his doubtful

eyes. “If that’s the only thing Ridge did wrong,

then why is Maggie avoiding him? Are you say-

ing that the messages she read weren’t wrong?

Whatever has been going on between the two of

you isn’t wrong?”

I don’t like the condescending undertone in his

voice. I sit up on the bed and scoot back, putting

space between the two of us as I respond. “The

fact that Ridge has been honest in his conversa-

tions with me is not something he did wrong. The

fact that he has feelings for me also isn’t wrong,

when you know exactly how much he’s fought

those feelings. People can’t control matters of the

heart, Warren. They can only control their

513/692

actions, which is exactly what Ridge did. He lost

control once for ten seconds, but after that, every

single time temptation reared its ugly head, he

walked in the other direction. The only thing

Ridge has done wrong is fail to delete his mes-

sages, because by doing so, he failed to protect

Maggie. He failed to protect her from the harsh

truth that people don’t get to choose who they

fall in love with. They only get to choose who

they stay in love with.” I look up at the ceiling and blink back tears. “He was choosing to stay in

love with her, Warren. Why can’t she see that?

This will kill him so much more than it’s killing

her.”

I fall back onto the bed, and Warren remains

beside me, quiet and still. Several long moments

pass, and then he stands and slowly makes his

way to my bedroom door. “I owe you an apo-

logy,” he says.

“An apology for what?”

He drops his eyes to the floor and shifts his

feet. “I didn’t think you were good enough for

514/692

him, Sydney.” He slowly brings his gaze back to

mine. “You are. You and Maggie both are. This

is the first moment since meeting Ridge that I

don’t envy him.”

He leaves the room, somehow having made me

feel the tiniest bit better and a whole hell of a lot worse.

I continue to lie still on my bed, listening for

the sound of Ridge’s anger to return, but it

doesn’t. It’s completely quiet throughout the

apartment. The only thing any of us can hear is

the lingering shattering of Maggie’s heart.

I pick up my phone for the first time since I

put it on silent and see that I have a missed text

from Ridge, sent just a few minutes ago.

Ridge: I changed my mind. I need you to

leave today.

Ridge

I pile a few things into a bag, hoping I’ll actually

need it once I get to her house. I have no idea if

Maggie will even allow me to step through her

front door, but the only thing I can do right now

is be optimistic, because the alternative is unac-

ceptable. It just is. I refuse to accept that this is it.

I know she’s hurt, and I know she hates me

right now, but she has to understand how much

she means to me and how my feelings for Sydney

were never intentional.

I clench my fists again, wondering why in the

hell I ever had those conversations with Sydney

in the first place. Or why I failed to delete them. I never thought Maggie would be in a position to

read them. I guess in a way, I just didn’t feel

guilty. The way I’ve felt toward Sydney wasn’t

something I wanted to happen, but the feelings

are there, and refusing to act on them since our

516/692

initial kiss has taken a hell of a lot of effort. In an oddly sadistic way, I’ve actually been proud of

myself for being able to fight it the way I have.

But Maggie won’t see that side of it, and I

completely understand. I k now Maggie, and if

she read all the messages, she’s more upset about

the connection I’ve made with Sydney than she is

over the fact that I k issed her. The feelings I

have for Sydney aren’t something I’m sure I can

talk my way out of.

I grab my bag and my phone and head into the

kitchen to pack the laptop. When I reach the

counter, I notice a piece of paper peeking out

from the computer. I find a sticky note stuck to

the screen.

Ridge,

It was never my intention to read your person-

al stuff, but when I opened your laptop, it was all right there in front of me. I read all of it, and I wish I never saw it. Please give me time to

517/692

process everything before you show up. I’ll con-

tact you when I’m ready to talk in a few days.

Maggie

A few days?

God, please don’t let her be serious. There’s no

way my heart will survive this for a few days. I’ll

be lucky if I make it through the end of today

knowing how I’ve made her feel.

I toss my bag back toward my bedroom door

since I won’t need it for a while. I lean forward in

defeat and rest my elbows on the bar, crumpling

the note up in my fist. I stare down at the laptop

before me.

Piece of shit computer.

Why the hell didn’t I have a password on it?

Why the hell didn’t I take it with me when I left

the hospital? Why the hell didn’t I delete

everything? Why the hell did I even write any-

thing to Sydney in the first place?

I’ve never hated an inanimate object as much

as I hate this computer. I slam the screen shut and

518/692

bring my fist down on top of it with all my

strength. I wish I could hear it crack. I wish I

could hear the sound my fist makes each time I

bring it down forcefully. I want to hear it crushed

beneath my fist the same way my heart feels

crushed inside my chest.

I stand up straight and pick the laptop up, then

slam it down on the bar. I see Warren exit his

bedroom out of the corner of my eye, but I’m too

pissed to care if I’m making too much noise. I

continue to pick the laptop up and slam it against

the bar over and over, but it doesn’t diminish the

hatred I feel for it in the least, and it also doesn’t do enough damage to the casing. Warren walks

toward the kitchen and heads to a cabinet. He

reaches inside and grabs something, then walks

over to me. I pause my attack on the computer

and look up to see him holding out a hammer. I

gladly take it, then step back and bring the ham-

mer down against the laptop with all my might.

This time, I can actually see the cracks appear

with each hit.

519/692

Much better.

I hit it over and over and watch as pieces fly in

all directions. I’m also leaving a hefty amount of

damage on the bar beneath my mangled com-

puter, but I don’t give a shit. Countertops are re-

placeable. What this computer destroyed of Mag-

gie isn’t.

When there isn’t much left of the computer to

destroy, I finally drop the hammer on the bar. I’m

out of breath. I turn and slide down to the floor

with my back against the cabinets.

Warren walks around me and sits on the floor

in front of me, resting his back against the wall

behind him. “Feel better?” he signs.

I shake my head. I don’t feel better, I just feel

worse. Now I know for a fact that it’s not the

laptop I’m mad at. It’s me. I’m mad at myself.

“Anything I can do to help?”

I ponder his question. The only thing that


could help me get Maggie back is to prove to her

that there’s nothing going on between me and

Sydney. In order to prove that to her, I need to

520/692

not have any interaction with Sydney whatso-

ever. That’s kind of hard with her in the very

next room.

“Can you help Sydney move?” I sign.

“Today?”

Warren lowers his chin at my request, eyeing

me with disappointment. “Today? Her apartment

won’t be ready for three more days. Besides, she

needs furniture, and what we ordered this morn-

ing isn’t even being delivered until the day she

moves in.”

I pull my wallet out of my pocket and remove

my credit card. “Take her to a hotel, then. I’ll pay

for her room until her apartment is ready. I need

her out in case Maggie comes back. She can’t be

here.”

Warren takes my card and stares at it for sever-

al seconds before bringing his eyes back to mine.

“This is kind of a shitty move considering this is

your fault. Don’t expect me to be the one to ask

her to leave today. You owe her that much.”

521/692

I have to admit, Warren’s reaction surprises

me. Yesterday he seemed to hate Sydney. Today

he’s acting as if he’s protecting her. “I already

told her I need her to leave today. Do me a favor,

and make sure she gets moved in okay this week.

Get her anything she needs. Groceries, extra fur-

niture, whatever.”

I’m beginning to stand up when the door to

Sydney’s room opens. She’s walking out back-

ward, pulling both of her suitcases. Warren

scrambles to his feet next to me, and as soon as

she turns around and her eyes lock with mine, she

freezes.

The guilt over what I’m having her do hits me

when I see the tears in her eyes. She doesn’t de-

serve this. She hasn’t done anything to deserve

all that I’ve put her through. The way it makes

me feel to know I’ve hurt her is exactly why I

need her to leave, because I shouldn’t care this

much.

But I do. God, I care about her so much.

522/692

I break eye contact with her and look back to

Warren. “Thank you for helping her,” I sign. I

head back to my room, not wanting to watch

Sydney walk out the front door. I can’t imagine

losing both her and Maggie in the course of a few

hours, but it’s actually happening.

Warren grabs my arm as I pass him, forcing

me to turn and look at him. “You aren’t even go-

ing to tell her good-bye?” he signs.

“I can’t tell her good-bye when I don’t really

want her to leave.” I continue toward my room,

thankful that I can’t hear the sound of the front

door closing behind her when she leaves. I don’t

know if I could take it.

I pick up my phone and lie down on my bed. I

pull up Maggie’s number and send her a text.

Me: I’ll give you however much time you

need. I love you more than you even real-

ize. I’m not going to deny anything I said

to Sydney, because it was all true, espe-

cially the parts about you and how much I

love you. I know you’re hurt, and I know I

523/692

betrayed you, but please. You have to

know how much I’ve fought for you.

Please don’t end us like this.

I hit the send button and pull the phone to my

chest.

Then I f*cking cry.

Colleen Hoover's books