“Yeah, you want me to butter your muffin?”
I know he’s just playing around. Teasing me. But his teasing and pinning me to the bed remind me so much of Cush. I start to get tears in my eyes. Then my mind flashes to Vincent holding my wrists. I start to shake and my breathing speeds up.
Riley’s face scrunches up. Then his eyes narrow. “What? Why?” He jumps off me. “Did you think I was going to hurt you? Like hold you down? I wouldn’t do that. Ever. I was just messing around.”
I nod. I can’t even say that I know. I just put my hands over my face and start crying.
Riley gathers me up into his arms. “Did that happen to you before?” he asks quietly. “Is that why you’re so upset?”
I shake my head no and start sobbing on his shoulder. He’s holding me like Damian did the night I almost got kidnapped. Which makes me cry harder.
I have a complete breakdown.
I must have emotional jet lag.
Like, it just all hit me.
Right now.
At the most inopportune time.
I’ve been so good at holding it in. Pretending to act like it didn’t affect me. That I’d be fine going away by myself. Being on my own. But I don’t want to be on my own. I miss my family. I miss the girls. I miss Cush. Sweet, sexy Cush. I thought I could come here and start over, but I can’t. This isn’t my life.
He pats me on the back. “Do you want to talk about it?”
I suck in a big breath and shudder. Calm myself down. “I’m sorry. I just, like, when you did that. It reminded me of someone. Someone I miss. Someone I had to leave when I came here.”
“The surfer guy?”
I lean my back up against the headboard while I wipe under my eyes. “No. It’s a long, complicated story. I don’t want to bore you with it. Let’s just say my coming here was not exactly by choice.”
“Tell me about the guy.” He laughs. “Or should I say guys?”
“Guys, I guess. You really want to hear about it?”
He hands me a coffee and says, “I’ve got all morning.”
Now I have to figure out what to say. What can I say that is close to the truth? What I end up with is a weird combination of truths.
“I sort of got sent here because of a guy.”
“Your parents not like him?”
“Um, there was some trouble. My parents decided to move to France. Told me I was either coming with them or coming here. They deleted my phone, Facebook, everything. I told a guy I thought I loved him, that we would get back together, then I left. Didn’t even get to say goodbye.” Tears trickle down my cheeks. I brush them away quickly.
“That sucks. But you get to talk to the B guy?”
“Yeah. My parents, um, liked him.”
“I can relate.”
“How?”
“I got kicked out of here my freshman year. Parents sent me to military school. Same deal. No friends. No phone. No social media. Very strict. We all have to go to school somewhere. Trust me, there are worse places you could be than here.”
“Did military school suck?”
“For the most part, yes. At least there are girls here.”
“What did you do to get kicked out?”
“Let’s just say I was being pretty reckless and deserved it.”
“Are you still reckless?”
He laughs. “Hell, yeah. Military school is supposed to strip the life out of you. I didn’t let it. You can’t let it. And don’t worry. I’m sure you won’t have any trouble finding a guy here.”
“I already found a guy here. I’ve never felt such an instant connection with anyone ever before.”
“You like Aiden a lot, huh?”
“Yeah. He, like, speaks to my soul. He makes me feel nervous and tongue-tied and I want to run away from him because it scares me. But he’s, like, magnetic. He has this pull on me.”
“Maybe you’re just horny,” he laughs.
“It hasn’t been that long.”
“Oh, do tell.”
“There’s nothing to tell. Even though we broke up, I slept with B my last night at home. It was breakup sex or goodbye sex. But now when he texts me he acts like it was makeup sex.”
“So you need to get over him and the other guy before you can be with Aiden? Is that what you’re thinking?”
“I’m thinking I can’t like Aiden at all.”
I don’t tell him that I promised myself that I wouldn’t fall in love here.
Or that I forget that promise every time Aiden is near me.
“I should suggest we have some revenge sex, but I can’t even bring myself to hit on you. You look pathetic.”
“I don’t want to be hit on, Riley.”
“I know. But the good news for me is that you’re not wearing a bra.”
“Is there any good news for me?”
“Yeah. At least your parents didn’t send you to military school.”
“Maybe they should have. I could do nothing but study and get buff.”
He nods his head, agreeing with me. “That was the one good thing. Wanna see?”
“See what?”
“How buff I am.”