DEWAYNE
By Thursday I had stayed away from Sienna’s for a week. I had texted Sienna and told her to take Micah to my parents’ Saturday morning, that I would pick him up there. I had spent the day with him, then left him with my parents minutes before Sienna got back, using my job as an excuse for running off.
I was trying to give myself time to forget how much I wanted her. She had been so accepting of my reasons for not being able to be with her that it had been painful. I wasn’t sure what I had wanted her to do. Argue with me? Maybe. Maybe I wanted a reason to kiss her lips again. Touch her in places I’d dreamed about. F*ck. Who was I kidding? I loved being near her. Watching her move. She had this way about her. Even when she was doing something simple, I was completely fascinated by her.
She had listened to my reasons and then nodded. That was it. Nothing else. So I’d run out of there and hadn’t been back. I couldn’t face her. Because I was pretty damn sure I’d grab her and kiss her until we both forgot what a bad idea that all was.
I took a drink of my Coke and fought the urge to light up a cigarette. Not drinking or smoking was f*cking kicking my ass. When I had turned down a beer and ordered a Coke, Rock had looked at me like I’d lost my mind. He didn’t understand. He had never laid a hand on Trisha that wasn’t a hand she wanted there.
“Preston’s alone. That’s odd,” Rock said as he took a drink of his cold, foamy beer. I was lusting over his drink. Shit.
The pretty boy in our group pulled out a stool and sat down with a grin. He was engaged and happy about it. Real happy. He was always smiling. A*shole.
“Where’s Manda?” Rock asked.
“She finally shake you loose?” I asked.
Preston shot me an annoyed glare. “No. She’s coming. She’s bringing a friend,” he said, then grinned again.
“Stop smiling so damn much. Hurts my eyes,” I grumbled, and took another drink of my Coke.
“Ignore him. That Coke he is drinking is straight-up Coke. Nothing added. He’s sober and surly,” Rock explained.
Preston’s eyebrows shot up about the same time Rose Mann walked up beside me, wrapped her arm around my shoulders, and gave me a good view down her shirt. I’d known Rose since high school. We all had. She’d moved into town when we were sophomores, and she immediately made the cheerleading squad. I’d f*cked her back then, but only once. Hadn’t touched her since.
Still, she had aged well. Still had perky tits and a head of brown curls. “Hello, Rose,” I said, sliding my arm around her waist and pulling her closer.
“Hello to you, Falco,” she purred, and pressed against me. She then moved her gaze over to Preston. “You leave the fiancée behind tonight?”
Preston shook his head. “Don’t let her too far out of my sight. She’s headed this way soon.”
Rose rolled her eyes, then glanced over at Rock. “And where’s your little missus?”
“Be careful, Rose. We both know his little missus will take your ass out if you attempt to flirt with her man. You know better than to get near what belongs to Trisha.”
The whole table laughed but Rose. Back in high school Rose had made a play for Rock after Preston had f*cked her and tossed her aside. Trisha had slammed her against the lockers, broken several of her nails, and taken out a handful of her hair. No one messed with Rock after that.
“Whatever,” Rose said, then laid her hand on my chest. “I’m here for you, anyway,” she informed me. I was trying to decide if I wanted to give this a go tonight or not. I needed to do something to get Sienna out of my head. Rose was hot, but she was also a little crazy. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to mess with crazy.
“There’s my girl,” Preston said. I swung my eyes over to see Amanda, and they collided with Sienna. Who was looking at Rose. Shit.
“Hey, Sienna. Glad you could make it,” Preston said, getting up to pull out a stool for Sienna right beside me. “We won’t make you sit on Dewayne’s lap, seeing as it’s already full of Rose. You can have a stool. It’s more comfortable anyway.” I watched as Sienna tore her gaze from Rose and forced a smile for Preston. Then she looked at me. She was on the verge of bolting. I could see it. Preston had known who Amanda was bringing and he hadn’t told me. I was going to kick his ass.
“It’s okay. If they start doing gross shit at the table, Rock will make them take it outside,” Preston told her, then smirked at me. Dipshit.
Sienna walked over to the stool beside me like she was walking the plank. Slow and unsure.
“Who’s this?” Rose asked, leaning over me and wrapping her arm around me possessively, which pissed me off. She was trying to mark her territory, like she had any. I wasn’t sure I wanted to spend the evening with her or not. I hadn’t made up my mind yet.
“Sienna, this is Rose Mann,” Amanda piped up in a sweet tone that she didn’t mean. “She was older than us in school. She would have been . . . a senior your freshman year, I think.” The comment about Rose being older had been a jab, but coming from sweet Amanda, who was in the safety of Preston Drake’s arms, she was untouchable, and she knew it.
Sienna smiled at Rose. “I didn’t know many people in school. I kind of blended in to the crowd.” That was Sienna’s way of saying she didn’t know who Rose was. But it was also bullshit. Sienna had never blended into anything.
“Sienna Roy? You were Dustin’s girlfriend,” Rose said, recognizing the name.
Sienna nodded and forced a smile, then turned away from me and looked at the band onstage. Jackdown wasn’t up there yet. They didn’t take the stage for another hour. A new band from Mississippi was playing right now.
“I thought you lost your mind and they shipped you off to a loony house.”
Sienna flinched, and her shoulders went stiff. That was it. She’d come in here with Amanda, and I was pretty damn sure this was something she hadn’t done in a long time. Rose wasn’t going to ruin it for her. Even if having Rose in my lap kept my hands off Sienna.
I dropped the leg Rose was leaning on and moved my hand from her waist. She stumbled and had to grab the table to keep from falling on her face. “That’ll be all. You can go now,” I told her.
Amanda covered her giggle, and Rose glared at me. “What’s your problem?”
“Obnoxious females who don’t have shit for brains. So please be on your way,” I replied with a bored drawl.
Preston cleared his throat to cover up his laugh. “Probably said the wrong thing, Rose. Best get going before he gets mad. He isn’t drinking tonight, so he’s a loose cannon.”
Rose called me a jackass, then spun around and stalked off.
I waited until she was far enough away before I looked down at Sienna. She was studying me. The tension in her shoulders was gone. That was good.
“Sorry about that,” I said, and she nodded.
Then she looked away again, back toward the stage.
I had to make some small talk because right now Preston and Rock were both trying to figure out what the hell was going on. But even I wasn’t sure what was going on at the moment.
I opened my mouth to say something just as the band started up, and Sienna began swaying in her seat slightly. She liked to dance. I didn’t dance. I hated dancing. I had to be drunk off my ass to dance, and only if we were going from dancing to f*cking.
But seeing Sienna sway in her seat with that smile on her face while she watched the people on the dance floor made me stand up and hold out my hand.
“Come on. Let’s dance,” I said. I knew I had just surprised the entire table, but I kept my focus on Sienna.
She beamed at me and slipped her hand in mine. The little black dress she was wearing with her cowboy boots made me want to pull her close so every man in here knew she was with me. Even if she wasn’t.
“I didn’t know you danced,” she said.
“He don’t,” Preston said.
I didn’t acknowledge this comment. I led her out onto the dance floor and pulled her into my arms, and it felt right.
So f*cking right.
SIENNA
Dewayne’s big body holding me close was better than the dancing. And I loved dancing. I had never been held close like this and danced with the right way. I kept inhaling Dewayne’s masculine scent. He had a woodsy smell with a hint of peppermint.
He had glared so fiercely at the few people who had bumped into me on the crowded dance floor that no one was getting near us now. He also had me so close to him that I felt like we were one person. The music went from slow to more of a sexy beat, and I slipped my hands up to his shoulders and moved my hips to the music, letting my head fall back and closing my eyes. This was nice. Or more like fantastic. Dewayne’s hands tightened on my hips, and I loved how possessed it made me feel. Even if we were just dancing. For this one moment I was his. And I loved it.
His leg moved between mine and I rubbed against him, only to freeze from the contact and inhale sharply. He was so much taller than me that the friction hit me in just the right place. I gripped the front of his shirt tightly in my fists. We were on a dance floor and I could not hump his leg. But all I had to do was move my hips a little and I’d feel that heavenly pressure again.
His hand was in mine, and he was pulling me from the dance floor before I could decide what to do next. I thought he was mad at me and we were going back to the table, but when I looked around, we were headed the opposite way. It looked like we were headed to a back door. Was that a bathroom? What was he doing?
Dewayne shoved people out of his way who didn’t move on their own, and then he was slamming open the door and we were outside in the dark. There were no parking lot lights, only woods.
“Spread your legs, Sienna,” he ordered as he pressed me up against the wall. “Pull up your skirt and open your legs,” he said again, this time with a growl.
I was too startled to argue. He looked like he wanted what I wanted, so I did exactly like he said. I tugged up my dress and opened my legs.
Then his hand was there, cupping me as he breathed heavily. “This . . . we shouldn’t do this. I’m not that guy. You remember I told you I’m not that guy. But I don’t f*cking dance, Sienna. Do you understand me? I don’t f*cking dance.”
I was confused. He had danced with me. He slid his finger inside my panties and I didn’t care anymore. I grabbed his arms and cried out in relief and pleasure. He was actually touching me. This was real. And if I was asleep, I really didn’t want to wake up.
“So wet,” he said, pressing his lips to my neck. “Slick little hot p-ssy is gonna kill me. You are too much. I want a taste of you, and I can’t keep my hands off you even though I know this will hurt you. I don’t want to hurt you.”
He wasn’t hurting me now. I could hardly form words as he slid his finger inside my entrance. I squeezed his arms and panted.
“I want to f*ck this. I want you. I want inside you. Right motherf*cking now I want inside you so damn bad my dick is about to bust out of these jeans. But that will be all it is. We won’t do it again. I don’t do relationships. I don’t want you hurt.”
He wanted to f*ck me. Just this once and then he’d be done with me. We would be friends again. Or he’d just be my son’s uncle. Could I live with that? Could I give myself to him knowing it was just this once?
No.
I wanted more.
I’d loved Dustin when I had slept with him. Maybe I hadn’t been in love with him, but a part of me did love Dustin. I hadn’t been ready for sex then, but I had loved him and he had wanted to. He had loved me, and that had been enough. But this wasn’t love with Dewayne. He didn’t love me. He never would.
His finger slid back out of me, then circled my *, and it felt so very good. Being with him would be the most epic moment of my life. I knew that. But then what? I would find a way to move on? Love someone else? Could I ever love someone else? If I tied myself to Dewayne this way, I wouldn’t be able to let him go. Not in my heart. And didn’t I deserve to be loved? To know what it felt like to be held like Preston held Amanda? To know that the man beside me wanted only me?
He was right. I deserved more.
I pushed him away, and he went without a fight. Closing my eyes, I caught my breath. “I want more. I can’t. I can’t do this with you and have it mean nothing to you. If you’re going to walk away from me, then I can’t do it. I’ll want more. I don’t want a taste of something I can never have.”
I opened my eyes. Dewayne’s hands were tucked in his pockets, and he hung his head as he took deep breaths. He looked defeated. I felt defeated. The young girl inside me who thought Dewayne Falco was my own prince charming was realizing he wasn’t. He was a man. Just like any other.
“I’m sorry, so f*cking sorry,” he said, still not looking at me.
This was it. I couldn’t go back inside. Not after he had hauled me out of there like that. I would call Amanda and apologize later. Right now I just wanted to go home.
I didn’t tell him good-bye. I’d see him again soon enough. He would come see Micah. I would pretend like I didn’t feel something for him. I would act as if he hadn’t hurt me. I would deal. I was good at surviving. I could survive this.
Luckily, Amanda had driven to Live Bay with me, so I had my car here. Preston had dropped her off at my house earlier, and she’d helped me get dressed. She wouldn’t need me to give her a ride home. I climbed in my car and turned it toward home. To put on my pajamas and cuddle on the couch with the little boy there who loved me. The one man in my life who I would be enough for. I always had my son.
I was still three miles from home when the car started jerking. This had happened once before and I had managed to crank it back up after it went dead. I just didn’t need it to happen now, on a dark road.
I pulled the car over to the side of the road just as it gave up the struggle. I waited a few minutes and tried starting it up, but it was completely dead. I couldn’t sit here all night. I had to move. Besides, I had walked three miles home before. Maybe not at night, but I had walked three miles.
I grabbed my purse and took my keys with me, then headed the rest of the way home on foot. My feet were going to have blisters after walking three miles in these boots. That was the least of my problems, though. In the morning I had to find a tow truck service I could afford.
DEWAYNE
I didn’t go back inside after she walked away. Instead, I leaned against the wall and laid my head back as her words returned to me in a rush. She wanted more. She wasn’t willing to let me take her and have that be it.
She knew her self-worth. She wasn’t willing to have casual sex. She respected her body. She was f*cking perfect. I’d actually told her I didn’t do relationships and that what we were doing was a f*ck and nothing more. What kind of sorry motherf*cker does that to a woman like Sienna?
Touching her had been . . . God . . . it had been amazing. She smelled even better than I’d imagined. I could still smell her on my hand. It was reminding me of what I wasn’t good enough for. Dancing with her and feeling her body against mine had worked me into a frenzy. One only Sienna Roy could satisfy.
No one in that club appealed to me.
I didn’t dance, but I had held her in my arms, and there I was, dancing with her. Holding her close. Enjoying every minute of it. Then she’d moved against my leg and trembled in my arms, and all I could think of was touching her. Making her come on my hand. Watching her.
I sank down to the ground and sat there. Songs played inside, and I could hear when Jackdown took the stage. The crowd roared, and I closed my eyes and wished like hell I had been stronger. Better.
“You gonna sit out here all night and beat yourself up for whatever the hell you did, or get up and go check on her?”
I opened my eyes to see Rock standing over me.
“She doesn’t want to see me,” I told him.
Rock cocked an eyebrow. “Really? ’Cause the girl I met inside looked at you like you were some angel from heaven. For a minute there I thought you might walk on f*cking water and not have told us.”
Normally, a comment like that would’ve made me laugh. But right now I felt sick to my stomach. “She left. I told her all I’d ever be was a one-time f*ck, and she said she wanted more. That she deserved more. And she’s right. So I let her go.”
Rock didn’t respond right away. He agreed with her, I was sure. Everyone saw how amazing she was. It was easy to see.
“I’ve known you all my life. And I’ve never seen you treat anyone the way you treat Sienna. Not when we were in high school and not now. She’s your one. The one who reaches you. The one who makes you different.”
“She was Dustin’s,” I said, reminding him that in high school she was never mine. I had protected her when my brother hadn’t. Nothing more.
“No one was ever Dustin’s one. We both know that. I believe Sienna may be the only one who doesn’t know that.”
“Don’t. He loved her. He made mistakes. He was a kid.”
Rock shook his head. “It’s time you faced some things. One of those things is that Dustin never deserved Sienna. You did. You gave her to him. She wanted you, and you handed her to him.”
“She was a kid!” I yelled. I didn’t want to hear this. Dustin had loved that girl. He had since he was little. He’d made some mistakes, but he’d have done anything to protect Sienna.
“Explain Kimmy Bart, then. Make it make sense in your head. Because it never has in mine,” Rock said, then turned and walked away.
I watched him leave. I hated that he had brought up Kimmy Bart. I didn’t want to think about her. I didn’t want to remember what she’d done to my family. The pain she’d caused when we hadn’t needed it.
She’d been one of Dustin’s biggest mistakes. One I’d never wanted Sienna to know about. It would destroy her.
When I finally got up and went to my truck, I decided I’d drive by Sienna’s to make sure her car was parked in the driveway. I would sleep better knowing she was home safe. I should have followed her since she was upset, but I had needed space and time to think first.
My headlights illuminated a car pulled off the side of the road, and my heart stopped. It was Sienna’s. Shit! I slammed on my brakes and jumped out of the truck, but Sienna wasn’t in the car. I grabbed my phone out of my pocket and dialed her number while I jumped back in my truck and searched for her on the side of the road.
It went to voice mail.
Shit.
I’d started to dial her number again when a text lit up my screen.
Sienna: I’m in bed. I don’t feel like talking tonight.
So she was home. Who had she called?
Me: I found your car. How did you get home?
Sienna: I walked.
Shit! That was at least three miles in the dark. Anything could have happened to her.
Me: Why didn’t you call me?
She should have called me. She had my number. I’d told her if she ever needed me to call me.
Sienna: I needed space from you. I made it home okay. Thanks for checking.
I dropped the phone to the seat beside me and drove by her house just to be sure she was okay. Then I called my dad to tell him to keep an eye on her because she didn’t have a car.
After that I called Jimbo down at the wrecker service and paid him extra to get his ass out of bed and come tow that piece of shit to the junkyard. I told him I’d come get everything out of it in the morning.
Sienna was getting a new car. A safe car. Because I wasn’t giving her an option. I was buying her and Micah a decent car. She wasn’t walking home in the dark ever again.
SIENNA
Tabby had brought Micah home the next morning to see me before I had to go to work. She’d said that Dewayne had said to let me know he’d had my car hauled off to the shop last night. He would be bringing my things by later and not to worry about it. She’d also said that when I was ready to leave I should bring Micah back over and take her car. She wouldn’t be needing it.
Micah had been telling me about his time with Mama T and Grandpa Dave ever since she’d left, so I hadn’t had a chance to decide what I thought about Dewayne handling my car problem. On one hand, him having it hauled was helpful, but I didn’t have an unlimited budget. I’d planned to shop around for the cheapest rate.
“Did you know that Mama T and Grandpa Dave have pictures of you when you was little? I saw them last night, and you used to have lots of freckles. Did you get them erased?”
I laughed and pulled Micah onto my lap and cuddled with him. “They faded as I got older and I stopped running around outside all the time.”
Micah slipped his little arms around me. “You smell good, Momma. I missed you.”
I kissed the top of his head. “I missed you, too, Ace. So much.”
“Mama T said Uncle Dewayne may be coming over today. Think he’ll throw the football with me?”
I ran my hand over his silky hair. “I’m sure he will. Your Uncle Dewayne loves you.” That was something I was sure of.
“When you get off work tonight, are we gonna have a movie night?”
“Yes, we are. Is it a Jedi night, or will we be pirates?”
He tilted his head back and smiled up at me. “We can be pirates. I know you like Captain Jack.”
I laughed and tickled him while he giggled and squirmed.
“Momma. Hey, Momma,” he said when he caught his breath. “I heard Mama T tell Grandpa Dave that she wished my last name was Falco like Daddy’s.”
I froze. Once, I had wanted that too. But now I wasn’t sure. Everyone would know then. Was I ready for that?
“I like having the same last name as you. I don’t wanna change it,” he said, looking concerned.
I pulled him back into my arms in a hug. “If you want to be a Roy, then you can be,” I told him. “But even if your last name isn’t Falco, you’re a Falco, kiddo.”
He wrapped his arms around my neck. “I want to be what you are.”
I held him close and breathed him in. He didn’t have that baby smell anymore, and I missed it. But my little boy was growing up. Every day I saw more of his father in him.
“I love you, Micah,” I told him.
“I love you more, Momma.”
Not getting enough sleep last night was weighing on me. I was exhausted, and I had three blisters on my feet, which wasn’t helping. It was getting harder to cover up my yawns. Hillary had caught me yawning twice already. I knew she didn’t like me looking like I had partied hard all night. If she only knew the truth. I would explain about my car so she would at least know the reason I was obviously tired. I didn’t want her thinking this was from a night of partying.
“You got a customer, Sienna,” Gretchen called out. I turned around to see Cam Dodge dressed in his dress shirt and tie. I hadn’t expected to see him again, much less coming in for a haircut.
“Okay, I’m free for the next hour,” I said, and smiled at Cam.
His grin looked somewhat apologetic. I don’t know why. He had nothing to be sorry over. We had gone out once. No big deal that it had been almost two weeks ago.
“I need a trim,” he said, walking toward me. I motioned for him to take a seat in my chair, and then I put a cape over him and fastened it around his neck.
“Your current hairdresser unavailable?” I asked.
He gave me that crooked grin that made him cute. “I normally go to the barber shop. You’re easier on the eyes than Bill.”
Smiling, I reached for a comb and checked out his hair. “You want a wash and style too, or just a trim?”
“Are you the one who will wash it?” he asked, looking at me in the mirror.
“Yes,” I replied.
“Then yeah, wash me up. I’m filthy.”
This time I laughed. I doubted Cam had ever been filthy. He was always so clean and put together that he reminded me of a politician.
“Okay. Let’s get you clean first, then,” I told him, and led him back to the sinks.
I normally didn’t think anything of washing men’s hair, but the fact that Cam wanted me to wash it made me a little self-conscious. I made sure I had the water at a comfortable temperature for him, then tried really hard to focus on washing his hair and not thinking about the fact that he could probably see down my shirt when I leaned. Most guys closed their eyes when you washed their hair, but Cam’s eyes were open.
“You smell really good,” he said, making me even more nervous. I didn’t like being flirted with when I did hair.
“Thanks,” I replied. I quickly finished washing him and got the towel around his head, then led him back to his seat.
When he was back in my chair, his eyes met mine in the mirror. “What are you doing tomorrow night?” he asked.
I was doing nothing. Well, that wasn’t true. I was probably watching one of the Star Wars movies with my son. “Not sure.”
He nodded and looked let down. “Is my not calling going to be held against me?”
No. Not really. I didn’t blame him for not calling. I wouldn’t have called me either after that craziness.
“No,” I assured him as I began combing his hair.
“So if I asked you out for tomorrow night . . . ?”
“I would have to speak with my son first. Then I’d need to talk to his grandparents,” I told him.
He nodded. “Fair enough. When you do that, let me know. I’d like another chance. One where we don’t run into your son’s uncle.”
Cam was a nice guy. He was attractive. But he wasn’t Dewayne. No one would ever be Dewayne. But I needed the guys I dated to at least make me forget Dewayne. Cam never would. I’d always be missing Dewayne’s tattoos and piercings and dreadlocks.
“I think that I’m a waste of your time, Cam. I have baggage, and I’m not emotionally ready to date.”
There, I had been honest. Cam frowned, then let out a sigh. “Fair enough. I figured there was more between you and Dewayne Falco than just your son.”
I couldn’t even argue with him.
I finished cutting his hair, and we talked about the weather, what could possibly be wrong with my car, and the high school cafeteria food. Then he paid me, tipped me way too much, and left.
I might have made a mistake turning him away, but I didn’t ever want to hurt someone. I knew how that felt, and there was no point in him wasting his time with me. I was a mess.
Six years ago . . .