Toni walked in with a big cup of coffee and Tabby right behind her. “Livi, you’re so damn stubborn!”
“Good morning, Tabby.” I smiled as Toni handed me the cup of coffee. “Thanks, Toni.”
“This isn’t funny.” Tabby sat on the edge of my desk in her smiley face scrubs, and I couldn’t help smiling. “Liv—”
“I honestly can’t keep a straight face when I’m looking at those.” And I couldn’t.
“They’re for the kids, just like the mustache ones and the Hello Kitty—”
“Don’t even say the Hello Kitty ones are for the kids.” Toni air quoted when she said kids. “That damn white-ass * is for you, Tabby cat.”
“Okay, Toni the tiger.” Tabby rolled her eyes. “Fine, I like the white kitty. But that’s not what we’re talking about here.”
“Look, I’m going to find a part time job, but right now, I can walk.”
“Where you gonna find a job when you’re here all the time?”
“I’m not here all the time,” I said as I pull my thawed feet away from the heater and then swirled around in my chair to face them both. “Look, I don’t have kids, a boyfriend, a—”
“Life,” Tabby reminded me.
“I went out the other night,” I retorted. I wanted to add, “You know, the night my car broke down,” but I didn’t.
“You hadn’t been out in six months before that.” Toni looked up over her leopard-spotted frames, glasses I could almost guarantee were more for the statement than the optical aid.
“I don’t like to go out. It’s a waste of money.” I also don’t like going out because I am far from comfortable in my own skin. How could anyone be after everything I have been through?
No more wallowing allowed. My New Year’s Resolution is about becoming. Becoming comfortable in my own skin, becoming the woman I am meant to be without the past holding me back, and becoming confident in myself.
“I won’t rag on you about the second job if you agree to go with me to a fundraiser event on Valentine’s Day.”
“Valentine’s Day?” I asked. “What about Shawn?”
“He has to work the night shift, so I’ll be all alone.”
We both turned our attention to Toni, who shook her head. “Oh, no. I have a date. No girl’s night thing for me. I gave up getting laid on New Year’s Eve. Valentine’s Day is for lovers, ladies, and I’m gonna get some loving.”
Tabby and I laughed at Toni, although not because we thought she was full of it. In fact, we knew she wasn’t.
Tabby had a smile in her voice. “Maybe Livi and I will—”
“Uh-uh, you march your white *-loving, smiley face ass right out of this office. You know I don’t wanna hear that shit,” Toni stopped her.
Tabby winked at me and smirked. I knew how much she loved to get Toni going. “Is it a date?”
“I really can’t afford to right now, Tabby.”
“I have Shawn’s ticket already, so it won’t cost us a thing. Besides, it’s a masquerade ball the White family is putting on. All proceeds go to educate young women on HPV. Remember, they lost their twenty-year-old daughter?”
Of course I remembered. She was my first case. I was with them when they found out she was terminal. When they would leave the hospital to shower and get a fresh change of clothes, I was the one who sat with her and helped her plan for a future she knew she would never have. I was also there the day she died.
Amber was young and full of life when her high school boyfriend cheated on her. His actions and the fact that she was afraid to talk to her parents about sex at sixteen had caused her to avoid getting a pap smear until a year ago. Chemo didn’t help, clinical studies didn’t help, nothing helped. Nothing.
I shiver in the shower as I remember Amber and the upcoming masquerade ball. The shower that thankfully is full of steaming hot water. Count this as my one lucky day so far this year.
...
I look in the mirror at myself. Toni let me borrow a little, black dress she had worn four years ago and is one hundred percent sure she will fit in again one day.
The sequined dress falls about two inches above my knee and is stunning, but I would never buy something so revealing or flashy. I am sure, if I were to bend over, you would be able to see my panties, and trust me when I say the panties do not match the dress. I have paired the dress with a set of heels that I am sure will land me on my bottom or in the ER tonight, along with a beautiful, glitzy, black and deep red mask.
Tabby has a thing for funky scrubs, while I very much enjoy having my undies make a statement, like literally. Tonight, they say, ‘Consent is fucking required.’ Yes, they actually spell out the word fucking, a word I would never consider using. To know I am wearing them, however, gives me a confidence and strength I would otherwise not have.