CHAPTER 43
REID
“If you close your eyes, you won’t know if he’s dead yet,” I say.
Dori’s hammering away on the control er, click-click-clack-clack-clack, hacking the thing on the life-sized screen until it’s a bloody pulp. “But it’s disgusting.” We’re in the media room where I sit on the sofa with her cross-legged on the floor between my knees. My guy is already dead, so I’m just watching her. For a former non-gamer girl, she’s a remarkably quick learner. “Eww eww eww,” she says.
Squeamish, but quick.
“I’m pretty sure you’ve kil ed him.” She flashes me a sideways look and I grin, one palm up— what?—and then she chops the thing one more time.
“I just want to make sure.”
“And I want to make sure you’re on my team if demonic predators ever attack earth.”
My phone buzzes with a text from Dad: Come to my study when you have a minute.
He never puts in an appearance to my side of the house to speak with me—I always get a text summons to his office. Once, I was away on location and he sent one requesting tax receipts. I took great satisfaction in replying that I wasn’t in the house, or LA, or California for that matter. He prides himself on being a detail guy, but he didn’t notice his only kid was out of town? Pretty sure he lost out on Father of the Year for that.
“I’ve gotta go talk to Dad about something. Back in a sec.” Dori nods without looking at me, alternating between staring at the action onscreen and squeezing her eyes shut
—every single time she’s kil ing something. It’s so cute that I can’t resist leaning forward, pul ing her hair away from her neck and running the tip of my tongue along the bumpy vertebrae, nibbling the smooth skin.
“Mmm.” Her arms go a little slack and her eyes drift closed. Her avatar is going to get slaughtered thanks to me. “You’re distracting me, Reid. You’re going to get me kil ed.” I chuckle and she shrieks, hunching her shoulders.
“No tickling!”
“I didn’t mean to.” I lean around, turn her face towards me and kiss her, and she forgets to hit pause before dropping the control er into her lap—such a girl. Judging by the sounds roaring from the speakers, she’s dying a quick bloody death, but she doesn’t seem to care.
“You didn’t mean to tickle me, or you didn’t mean to kil me?” Her voice is a breathy whisper into my mouth.
I kiss her again before saying, “Neither. I was trying to distract you, though. To see if I could break through your bloodlust.”
Something flashes through her eyes, so quickly I almost miss it. “Mission accomplished,” she murmurs.
“Hmm. What was that look for?” She shakes her head, her ears pink. My arms surround her and I fold over her like a tent. “Was it because I said—” I lower my voice “— lust?” Her skin darkens under the dusting of freckles across her cheeks. “Is that what you’re feeling for me?” I hold her face steady, kissing the corner of her mouth, preventing her from turning her head and fusing our lips together—not yet. “I feel so used.” I run my tongue along her lower lip and she gasps. “Good thing I’m total y okay with that, huh?” When I kiss her this time, her head fal s back against my thigh, her torso twisted as her hands reach for me. Winning her desire is like nothing I’ve ever accomplished. The pathway to it was proving that I’m worthy of her trust, and somehow, I’ve done that. She was indifferent to everything that usual y matters to people in my experience. A bolt of panic shoots through me when I realize I don’t even know what it was that earned her confidence.
My phone rings, startling us both. While my jaw clenches, she jumps and pul s away as though someone has walked into the room and caught us kissing. As though we don’t have every right to do so, the rest of the world be damned.
It’s Dad. “Yeah?”
“Are you home? I thought I saw your friend’s car outside…”
I am not discussing Dori with him.
“I’m on my way down. It’s a big house.”
“I just need a signature on a court doc.”
“Sure. Be right there.” I hang up, and Dori is saving and signing off of her failed demon-exterminating mission—the one I wrecked. I can’t be sorry for wrecking it. “You can restart the level, you know.”
She smiles. “Maybe next time. I’ve sort of lost interest in, um, bloodlust.”
I’m biting back the licentious replies pouring through my brain because I’ve already exceeded my daily quota for inciting mad flushes to scurry across her skin. “We have time to watch a movie. I won’t be long—he just needs me to sign something.” I hate giving up even ten minutes with her, a fact that should alarm me, but doesn’t.
When I get to Dad’s office, he presents a pen and a document with an X at the bottom, my ful named typed under the line that needs my signature. “Once this is recorded, you’l have completed the initial probationary requirements of your sentence.” I scrawl my name as his words sink in.
“My license suspension?” I feel like it’s been years since I drove a car, as opposed to six months.
He sighs, taking the pen, pushing the signed document into an envelope. “The suspension terminates on the twentieth, though this is a permanent strike against you that will be counted if you repeat the offense. Assuming you don’t just get yourself kil ed next time.” He eyes me. “I’m sure you know—but I’l say it regardless—that I’d prefer you not to drive at al .”
I hear the implication that there wil be a next time, and I hear the implication that there wil be a next time, and that I, like my mother, should be safeguarded against the combination of alcohol and vehicles. I subdue the resentment threatening to strangle me. “If I choose to drink, I won’t drive. I’ve learned my lesson.”
His expression is rigid, discontented with my admission that I don’t intend to give up drinking, thankful that at least I’m agreeing to sidestep driving if I do. Puffing out a sigh, he says, “I guess if that’s al the reassurance I’l get, I have to accept it.” He stares for a moment, and just when I’m about to turn and leave, he asks, “So who’s the girl?” Answers skip unspoken across my tongue. The girl upstairs now? The girl I was just kissing like a boy who hasn’t screwed so many hot girls in the past five years that there’s no hope of remembering the vast majority of them?
“What girl?”
His sardonic expression is a replica of mine, or vice versa. “The girl who drives the ten year old Honda parked in the driveway several nights a week for the past month or so.” Dad has never been good at playing along.
“Dori.”
His eyebrows jump. “The Habitat girl? The Berkeley girl?”
How the hell does he remember these details? It’s as remarkable as it is grating. “Yes, but she didn’t—hasn’t started at Berkeley yet.”
“Oh?”
There’s that predictable disdain in his tone, and I can’t resist quashing it. He assumes everyone associated with me is dissolute and aimless, his prime (and favorite) example being John. “Her sister had an accident right before she was supposed to start. Closed head injury. Dori postponed col ege to be around for her family.”
“That’s… accommodating of her,” he says. I’m too familiar with his condescension to pretend I don’t hear it.
His assumption of her possible motives for the deferral is infuriating.
“No, Dad, that’s selfless and devoted. Traits the Alexander gene apparently lacks.”
He looks like I’ve just gut-punched him, which is less gratifying than I’d thought it would be. Shuffling papers on his desk, he switches gears. “I assume you’l be purchasing another car shortly. If you’l let me know an approximate price range, I’l pul funds from your investments so they’l be available.”
“Sure. We done?”
Straightening and stacking, he says, “Yes. I suppose so.”
Running a hand through my hair, I wish I could reel back the implication that he’s unsupportive. John is studying finance against his wil . Dori is being forced to lie to her parents just to see me. Celebs with exploitive parents are a dime a dozen. He could be so much worse. Maybe that isn’t the best parental commendation, but maybe it is. Shit.
Shit.
“So, thanks for handling everything.”
Visibly stunned, his hands stil as he looks at me. “You’re welcome.”
I nod, he nods, and I leave before I examine this new consciousness any more closely.
*** *** ***
Dori
Reid’s mother just left the room after a conversation that awakened, for a moment, my aspiration to study social work. I’ve spent the past several months emotional y detached from the volunteer work I continue to do, as though an impenetrable wal stands between me and the joy I once felt when I believed that what I did mattered.
“Am I intruding?” she said from the doorway.
I stood, conscious of the banter regarding lust and the suspended make-out session I’d just had with her son.
“No.” I felt myself blushing. “This is your home, after al .” She smiled. “I try not to encroach on Reid’s part of it. In al honesty, though, I noticed him leaving and I wanted to talk to you, if that’s al right.”
“Of course,” I said, annoyed with my monosyl abic vocabulary, apprehensive about what Reid’s mother could possibly want with me.
When she perched on the sofa where Reid had been minutes prior, I sat back down, mul ing over my parents’
judgment of him and wondering if I was about to be measured by his mother in the same prejudicial way.
“I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable—Dori, wasn’t it?” I nodded, holding my breath. “Reid hasn’t brought anyone home in so long.” This couldn’t be true, based on his wel -known exploits, but mentioning that would do neither of us any good, aside from the fact that I’d rather not contemplate it at al . “You said you and he are—friends?” I nodded again, my gaze darting away and then back. I tried to keep the eye contact steady, knowing that avoiding her eyes would just make me look guiltier. “Yes.” We’d not declared ourselves to be anything else or anything more.
Reckless, my conscience muttered, that’s what we are together. The blush returned with a vengeance.
“Reid needs a friend who cares about him. When he had that accident last summer, it just seemed as though—” her hands twisted in her lap “—he didn’t care about his own welfare. He’s drinking less, going out less since you started coming around, and I just… wanted you to know you’re welcome here. I’d do anything to make sure he doesn’t repeat my mistakes.” Her voice fel to a whisper. “There’s no hope for me, I know… but I can’t bear the thought that there’d come a point where there’s no hope for him.”
“There’s always hope.” I heard myself say this, pushing aside thoughts of Deb and my parents and prayer and hope—and my loss of it.
She shook her head. “I’ve tried rehab three times, and failed every time. I can’t endure another three months away from home.” Her eyes brimmed, so like Reid’s eyes that I felt my stomach clench.
“Have you… have you tried AA?” Do women like her go to AA? Society women, who can afford to check themselves into luxury clinics for several month stints? I felt out of my element.
She shook her head. “Oh, no. It would be horrible if someone found out. I won’t embarrass my husband or Reid more than I’ve already done.”
She was trapped, not only by her addiction but by her privileged place in society and her son’s very public career.
She cal ed herself hopeless, but hope was stil alive in her, because she’s examined al the locked doors of her cage
—and people don’t examine locked doors unless they’re looking for an escape.
“There’s a confidentiality clause with AA. While it’s true that the press often reports on celebrities who check into rehab, I can’t remember ever seeing them report people attending AA meetings.” I leaned closer. “Mrs. Alexander, Reid wouldn’t want you to feel unable to help yourself. One of the reasons AA works is that the individual makes the decision not to drink, one day at a time. One hour. One minute even. You can do that, right? One minute?” Her eyes never left mine. Even with the consequences of years of alcoholism, I could see that she’s where Reid got his beautiful face. I imagined what they must have looked like together when he was very young, walking through a shop or in the park, his hand in hers, her beauty reflected in the little boy at her side. We sat quietly, and into the silence of those sixty seconds came the staggering ache of missing Deb. I wanted to cry for her and myself and my parents and Brad. I wanted to cry for Reid’s mother, and also for Reid. There are a mil ion ways to lose someone you love.
“There’s one minute,” I said. “You’re stronger than you know, Mrs. Alexander.”
Her eyes flicked to the clock on the wal and back to me.
“Please, cal me Lucy. I’l think about AA. But… don’t tel him yet.” I nodded, and she left the room.
***
“This may sound odd, given what I do for a living, but I’m not the slightest bit interested in seeing any of these movies.” The screen goes blank as Reid tosses the remote aside.
“And,” he draws my legs over his lap, “I can think of a lot of other things I’d rather do.”
“As in, a lot of kissing?” My words light a fire in his eyes and he stretches out on the wide sofa, pul ing me alongside him. Our bodies touch from knees to chest, and I’m feeling more daring than I’ve ever been with him. Trailing fingertips across the planes of his face, I brush his hair out of his eyes, touch the lips I want to touch me.
“Among other things,” he says huskily.
“What other things?” I’m making myself blush, but my usual y reticent mouth isn’t cooperating. He closes his eyes and leans his face into my hand, kisses my palm, wraps his arms around me.
“That, as always, is up to you.” His lashes feather up.
The lighting, perfect for a home theater, is too dim to see the blue of his eyes.
“As always, huh? So it was me who attacked you in that pink closet?”
He smiles wickedly. “I was just reading your mind that day.”
I stare at him, wanting to be audacious and brash; my shaky whisper is anything but. “Can you read it now?” shaky whisper is anything but. “Can you read it now?” One eyebrow quirks up. “Feeling reckless tonight, are you?” I nod. “Mmm,” he hums. “Let’s see what I can do about that.” His devilish grin appears in the same moment his fingers stroke the skin of my lower back, and then he kisses me, moving from gentle pressure to hot and deep and back to gentle. He pul s away to sit up and it’s al I can do to silence the protest that proves unnecessary when he hauls me up to straddle his hips, facing him.
I lean in to kiss him as his hands wander under my thin, loose sweater, unhooking my bra with a slip of fingertips that graze bare skin and leave a trail of goose bumps in their wake. He’s unbuttoned buttons and loosening clothing for better access, but he’s never removed anything. I don’t have the guts to pul the sweater over my head. Instead, I reach under the sweater and pul the bra straps down my arms, one at a time, pushing each arm back into the sleeves that hang over my hands, before dropping the bra on the ottoman behind me.
He smiles, probably having seen that trick a thousand times. Before I lose my nerve, I scoot forward until I’m pressed to him, wind my fingers into his hair, and kiss him like he kisses me when I haven’t seen him in three or four days—hard and hungry, sweeping my tongue across his lower lip. He grips me tighter and moans into my mouth, spurring me to move my attention to his neck, just behind his ear, one hand moving painstakingly down his chest, lower across his firm stomach, lower stil until he grabs my wrist. This movement feels familiar, though I could swear he’s never held me like this before.
he’s never held me like this before.
“Dori,” his breath is hot in my ear as he holds my wrist securely, and then he rests his forehead against mine, panting. “I… need to take a break.”
“What?” I pul back, confused. This is not a moment in which guys request a break.
“I need a minute or two.” Something in my expression must disclose my worry because his hands come up to surround my face. He closes his eyes and takes a deep, slow breath and then he looks at me more earnestly than he’s even done. “I want you too badly. I need time to cool down, because I want to be inside you.” Relief floods through me, fil ing me with the courage I lacked moments ago—short-lived, existing just long enough to force out four smal words, barely audible, that could change everything between us.
“I want you to.”