I've felt this way since we arrived.
I’m detached.
Honestly, I feel like B isn't here.
Is it because he's dead?
“I don't think Brooklyn is here,” I say out loud.
The second I speak the words, I become even more convinced. “They aren't going to find him. He wasn't here.”
“Keatyn, you've been through a lot today. It's understandable that you'd be in denial,” Garrett says.
“I’m not in denial. He's not here. I know it. He's alive and he’s—I don't know, but we need to find him. I want a list of every single property. I’ll go search them all myself if I have to.”
“Keatyn, you need to rest,” Damian says, looking really drained himself.
“I can't rest!” I yell. “Not until I find him.”
“Keatyn, honey,” Cooper says. “You need to calm down.”
“I’m not going to calm down until we find him. So, if you want me to calm down, help me!”
“If you go home and take a shower, I’ll meet you there in a half hour with the list of every property his grandmother owned along with all of Vincent’s holdings,” Garrett says, patronizing me.
I’m home. In my room.
Looking at myself in the mirror.
I’m a complete wreck. There is blood and dirt—and probably other gross things I don’t want to know about—matted in my hair. One of my cheeks is swollen and red. I have bandages on my side and across my arm where bullets grazed me.
I hear Garrett talking to Cooper outside my door.
“She needs a sedative,” Garrett says.
I swing my door open with such force it bangs against the wall and almost shuts back on me. “I don’t need a sedative. I need you to find B. And that’s what you should be doing, rather than plotting to drug me against my wishes!”
“She doesn’t need a sedative, Garrett,” Cooper says. “She just needs this.”
He walks into my room and pulls me into a hug. A nice, tight hug.
And I start crying.
Again.
I don't know how long I cry.
But Cooper never lets go.
All the emotions I've felt today, all the sadness and sorrow, come running out of me.
I finally stop then look at Cooper and smile.
“Thank you. That is what I needed.”
“Why don’t you get cleaned up? I’ll get us some food. And we’ll make a plan.”
“You know, officially, you don't have to spend any more time with me. I'm safe.”
“Are you firing me?”
“No, I just love that you didn't want to leave. That you still want to help me. You're way more than a bodyguard, Cooper. You've become someone I trust. You've become my friend.”
Cooper smiles and pats my back. “You've become my friend too.”
“When this is over, what are your plans? Do you want to go back to work for the government? Or would you ever consider personal security?”
“You offering me a job?”
“Yes. I think the press is going to be insane when this all gets out.”
“As long as I don’t have to grade any more papers.”
“Deal. I’m going to shower and then just lie down for a minute.”
“Okay,” Cooper says.
SUNDAY, JANUARY 8TH
Face facts.
8am
I wake up with a start.
I was just having a horrible dream.
And I can’t shake the feeling something bad is going to happen.
I rub my eyes and look at the clock. It’s eight in the morning! Shit. Why did they let me sleep so long?
I have to find Brooklyn.
Brooklyn.
That’s what I was dreaming about.
He was trapped.
Dying a fiery death.
I jump out of bed and the towel I wrapped around myself after my shower falls to the ground.
I leave it on the floor, run into my closet, throw on some sweats, then nudge Damian, who is sleeping on the couch in my room.
“Damian, wake up. We’ve got to go find Brooklyn.”
A few minutes later, I have Garrett and Cooper awake and sitting at the kitchen table with me while Damian makes us breakfast.
“We revisited every property on this list yesterday,” Garrett says. “It doesn’t look good, Keatyn. You’re going to have to face facts.”
“And what facts are those?”
“That either he was in Vincent’s grandmother’s house when it exploded or that Vincent killed him before he came to get you and disposed of the body.”
“No. It doesn’t make sense. It goes against everything we know. He wasn’t going to hurt Brooklyn until we did the movie. Vincent was coming to get me! He was close to having everything he wanted. There’s no way he’d ruin our movie by killing him before he’d realized his dream.”
Cooper holds up his hand. “I hate to say it, but you told us that Vincent kidnapped Dallas too. Why do you think that was?”
“Because he was there?”
“Or because he needed a new Matt?”
His comment is like a sucker punch straight to my gut.
I get up, run out of the house, and down to the beach.
I plop down in the sand, watch the waves rush into shore, and think about crying.
But no tears come.
I know it’s not over.
It can’t be.
I refuse to believe it.