“When were you were struggling with your own feelings? When you met Tommy?”
“Yes. I felt like falling in love with him was a betrayal to your father. To your grandparents. I lost my own parents at a young age and they had become my family. I was afraid they wouldn’t understand.”
“But they did.”
“Yeah, they did. They lost their only son when your dad died. Having Tommy and the girls in their lives has helped them heal too.”
“I want to go home,” I say quietly.
“Then follow your heart,” Mom replies.
SUNDAY, DECEMBER 25TH
One of her steps.
3pm
I’m putting our gifts from Santa in my room when my phone rings. I look down and see that it’s B. I had texted him, along with all my other friends, last night, wishing them a Merry Christmas, but he was the only one I hadn’t heard back from.
“Hey, B!” I say. “Merry Christmas!”
“Keats, um . . . shit.”
“Brooklyn, what’s wrong? Are you crying? Are you okay?”
“Not really. My mom just called me.”
“Your mom? But it’s been . . .”
“Eleven years.”
“What did she say?”
“That she was sorry. She’s apparently going through rehab and trying to get her life together. I’m one of her steps.”
“Do you know why she left?”
“She says she left because my dad was too controlling and she was tired of him telling her what to do.”
“That might be a good excuse for why she left him. It doesn’t explain why she left you.”
“I always thought it was because I got in trouble for not paying attention at school.”
“Is that what you’ve thought all these years?”
“I did when I was younger. Now, I know that’s not why you leave someone. She wants to see me.”
“Are you going to?”
“My dad will be pissed.”
“Brooklyn, you’re twenty years old. You’re in charge of your life.”
He sighs. “I’m not in control of anything, Keats. My dad controls my career. Fucking security controls everything else. I’m sick of everyone telling me what to do and people getting mad at me for what I can’t do.”
“I’m trying to get our lives back.”
“I’m sorry I bailed on you.”
“I understand why you did it. I just don’t understand why you didn’t tell me yourself.”
“It’s not just my dad. It’s her.”
“The girl you’re seeing?”
“Yeah. What I said about you when I won hurt her. She didn’t know about you. About us.”
“What did you tell her?”
“That you’re the only girl I’ve ever loved, but that we couldn’t see each other.”
“Did she want to know why?”
“I told her your parents don’t like me.”
“We tell similar lies, B. That’s what I came up with too.”
“Do you feel bad lying?”
“I did, yes. Aiden knows the truth now. I had told him a lot about you, but when Damian put you on speakerphone, he was there. He heard.”
“How did he take it?”
“He was upset.”
“He’s in love with you?”
“Yes.”
“This is hard. Us. I need to see you. Figure my life out.”
“What do you need to figure out?”
“Our lives. My career. Everything just feels out of control. I hate it.”
“Life is divine chaos, isn’t that what you told me?”
“Yeah, but mine doesn’t feel very divine right now.”
“So decide what you want to do and do it.”
“I need to see my mom, Keats. I was sort of hoping maybe you’d go with me.”
“Where is she?”
“Malibu.”
“Oh, B. I’m not sure being in Malibu is a good idea for either of us right now.”
“I heard you went back and danced at that club.”
“How did you hear that?”
“Garrett’s security guys were talking about it. About how stupid it was.”
“It was well-planned. I was in and out of there fast.”
“So, in theory, if we planned it well, you could come, right? And it would give us a little time together. We need it, Keats.”
“Where are you now?”
“Hawaii. The first three stops next year are in Australia, so my dad has us booked to be there until the tour starts back up in March.”
“So, the tour is over for the year?”
“Yeah. When did you think it would be over?”
“I don’t know. You talked about going away for a year. I guess that’s what was in my head.”
“We said we’d give it a year and see how I did. If I could get sponsors. I won one event, but I didn’t do all that well in the others, so my dad will be picking up most of the tab for next season.”
“Which means you’ll still have to listen to him?”
“Yeah,” he says somberly.
“If you didn’t have to listen to him, what would you do differently?”
“I’d focus on surfing. Nothing else.”
“Isn’t that what your dad wants?”
“He’s more focused on the business side of it. The social media. He thinks I’m going to get sponsors, commercials, and deals because of his business savvy. That I don’t have to be that good to be famous. That I have a marketable look.”