She was surprised that her mother kept the baby memorabilia. She was even more surprised to find a copy of her parents’ wedding picture, along with a series of photos from their courtship. There were even a few family pictures that predated the divorce.
One box held costume jewelry and scarves and photos of Sharon with different men. Gabriel watched as Julia disposed of those pictures with barely a glance. Given what he knew about Sharon’s behavior with her boyfriends, he understood why Julia would want all memory of them destroyed.
He ran a finger across the back of her hand, caressing the knuckles. “You have a home and family now.”
“I know.” She gave him a little smile, but it didn’t touch her eyes.
She looked in vain for her mother’s engagement and wedding rings. But they’d likely been pawned long ago. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d seen them.
If Julia had expected to find answers among her mother’s things, she was sorely disappointed. The materials they found didn’t explain why Sharon decided that the baby girl she initially loved to distraction became an annoying household presence. They didn’t explain how alcohol and sex became more important than flesh and blood.
“Darling?” Gabriel’s voice broke into her thoughts.
“A whole life. Three boxes. What a waste.”
Gabriel rubbed her back sympathetically.
“Why didn’t she love me?” Julia croaked.
Gabriel felt as if his heart were being torn apart. He sat behind her, pulling her back against his chest.
“I wish I had an answer. All I can say is that I understand. Believe me, Julianne, I understand.”
“It’s hard for me to believe she ever loved me.”
“She kept the photographs. It’s clear she loved you when you were born. You can see it in her face. She loved you after that, too, when you were little.”
“But she loved alcohol more.”
“It’s an addiction.”
“I’m not without compassion, Gabriel, but I can’t contemplate choosing alcohol and men over my child.”
Gabriel’s grip on her tightened. “That’s as it should be. But you’ve never struggled with addiction, Julianne. That’s something I know too much about.
“I’m sure there were times your mother wanted to stop.”
“There were times she went into recovery, yes.”
“There but for the grace of God go we,” he whispered.
When she didn’t respond, he continued in a whisper, “This is my fault. I’m the one who insisted on looking into our parents, and now see what’s happened.”
“You aren’t the one who hurt me.
“I suppose it was silly to think I’d find an explanation in one of these boxes. If my dad doesn’t have one, how could there be an explanation in a pile of junk?”
“Your baby things aren’t junk. We’ll frame the photos and put the other things on a shelf. Someday, if we have a little girl, you can show her how beautiful her mama looked when she was a baby.”
Julia pressed her face into the crook of his neck. “Thank you.”
He gave her a tight squeeze, holding her until she was ready to pack up the boxes.
Chapter Forty-six
I’m sorry, could you repeat that?” Julia stared wide-eyed at her gynecologist.
It was the third week in September and Julia had just had her yearly physical exam. It was supposed to be routine, with a view to uncovering any fertility issues. But the doctor’s remarks indicated that the exam had been anything but routine.
“I want you to have an ultrasound. My secretary will contact radiology at Mount Auburn Hospital and schedule the appointment. I want you seen immediately, and I’m noting that in my referral.” Dr. Rubio scribbled hastily in Julia’s chart.
Julia’s stomach flipped. “So it’s serious?”
“Potentially serious.” The doctor paused, her dark eyes meeting Julia’s. “It’s good that you came in when you did. I found something on one of your ovaries. We need to know what it is. You’ll have an ultrasound, the radiologist will write up a report and send it to me, and we’ll go from there.”
“Cancer?” Julia could barely pronounce the word.
“That’s a possibility. It could be a benign growth or a cyst. We’ll know more soon.” Dr. Rubio returned to her writing. “But don’t miss your ultrasound appointment. It’s imperative that we have you looked at right away.”
Julia sat very, very still.
All she could think about was Grace.
“Darling, I’m in the middle of my seminar. Can I call you back?” Gabriel’s voice was low as he answered his cell phone.
“I’m so sorry. I forgot. I’ll just see you at home.” Julia was flustered and fighting back tears. She could hear footsteps on the other end of the line and the closing of the door.
“I’m in the hallway now. What’s going on?”
“I’m on my way home. I’ll see you soon. Please apologize to your students for me.” Julia disconnected before she began sobbing. Somehow the sound of his voice, patient and sweet, made everything worse.
She buried her face in her hands just as her cell phone rang. She didn’t have to look at it to know who was calling.
“H-hello?”
“What happened?”