“So how have you been?” Paul’s voice broke into her internal musings.
She wouldn’t say it aloud, because she wouldn’t mention such a thing to Paul. But one of the reasons she had been so upset, apart from the loss of Gabriel, was the loss of what he represented—the attainment of her high school crush, the loss of her virginity, the discovery of what she thought had been a deep and reciprocated love…
When she thought of the first time he made love to her, she wanted to cry. No one had ever treated her with such rapt attention and gentleness. He was so worried about hurting her and making sure that she was relaxed. He was insistent on telling her that he loved her, over and over again as he moved toward his orgasm. The first one that he would have with her, because of her…
Gabriel staring into my very soul, moving inside me, telling me that he loved me while showing me with his body exactly that. He must have loved me. I’m just not sure when he stopped. Or rather, when he chose to love his job more than me.
Paul cleared his throat good-naturedly, and Julia smiled her apology.
“Um, I’m upset and angry, but I try not to think about what happened. I’ve been working on my thesis, but it’s difficult to write about love and friendship when you’ve just lost both.” She blew a breath of air out. “Everyone at the university must think I’m a whore.”
Paul leaned over the table. “Hey, you are not a whore. I’d punch someone’s lights out if they ever said anything like that about you.”
She said nothing, fidgeting in her lap with an embroidered handkerchief.
“You fell in love with the wrong person, that’s all. He took advantage of you.”
Julie protested, but he continued.
“The Dean’s office asked me to sign a confidentiality agreement. They’re keeping everything having to do with you and Emerson quiet. So don’t worry about what people think. No one knows anything.”
“Christa knows,” she muttered.
“I’m sure she had to sign the same confidentiality agreement. If she starts spreading rumors about you, you should go to the Dean.”
“What good would that do? The gossip would follow me to Harvard.”
“Professors aren’t supposed to take advantage of students. If you’d said no to him, he would have f**ked with your career. He’s the villain.” Paul fumed. “You have a lot of good things to look forward to, like graduation and going to Harvard. And someday, when you’re ready, you’ll find someone who will treat you properly. Someone worthy of you.” He squeezed her fingers. “You’re kind and gentle. You’re funny and bright. And when you’re pissed off, you’re sexy as hell.”
She gave him a half-smile.
“That day you took Emerson on in the seminar room—it was a total train wreck, but I would pay money to see it again. You are the only person I’ve ever seen stand up to him, other than Christa, who is crazy, and Professor Pain, who is twisted. As much as I was afraid of what he’d do in retaliation, your spunkiness was impressive.”
“I lost my temper. It wasn’t my finest moment.”
“Perhaps not. But it showed me something. It showed Emerson something. You’re a bad ass. You need to let the bad ass come out every once in a while. Within reason, of course.”
He was grinning now and slightly teasing.
“I try not to give in to the anger, but trust me, it’s there.” Julia’s voice was quiet but steely.
As they finished their meals and savored their coffee, Julia told Paul an extremely edited account of her affair with Gabriel, beginning with his invitation to accompany him to Italy. She described how Gabriel saved her from Simon when she was home for Thanksgiving and that he paid to have the bite mark removed from her neck. Paul was surprised.
Julia had always felt comfortable talking to Paul. He wasn’t as intense as Gabriel, of course, and far less mercurial. He was a good listener and a good friend. Even when he was scolding her for choosing Soraya Harandi as her attorney.
Of course, when she revealed that Soraya had been chosen by Gabriel, his ire shifted.
“I’m going to ask you something personal. If you don’t want to answer, just say so.” Paul looked around to ensure that no one was eavesdropping.
“What do you want to know?”
“Is Gabriel still involved with Professor Singer? Did you see her—socially while you were with him?”
“Of course not! He tried to keep me away from her, even when we went to dinner at Segovia.”
“I can’t believe I never realized you two were together.” Paul shook his head.