“But you planned to break it.”
“Yes. Yes, I did.” He was quiet again for a moment, looking off into the distance.
“That doesn’t make sense, Gabriel. You made all kinds of promises to them, but you broke them. You put the textbook in my box, you wrote me a message…”
“I planned to do more. I was going to email you, saying that it was only until the end of the semester. Once you’d graduated and I’d resigned, we would renew our relationship. That is, if you still wanted me.”
Gabriel’s voice dropped. “I knew you would be watched. And that the Dean would interview you to find out if I’d kept my promise. I worried about your ability to lie.”
“That’s bullshit,” said Julia fiercely. “You could have sent me an email and explained that I needed to pretend to be heartbroken. I’m not a great actress, but I can act a little.”
“There were other—factors.”
She closed her eyes. “When I fell, you looked at me as if you hated me. You looked disgusted.”
“Julia, please.” He grabbed her hand and pulled her to his chest. “That look was not meant for you. Any disgust I felt was directed at the hearing and myself. That look was not meant for you, I swear.”
Julia shed more than a few tears at that moment, the consequence of shock and anxiety and a measure of relief at having her questions answered. But some of the most important questions remained.
“I hate that I’ve made you cry again,” Gabriel said ruefully, running a hand up and down her back to comfort her.
Julia wiped her eyes. “I need to go home.”
“You can stay with me tonight.” He glanced down at her cautiously.
She was conflicted. Staying with him could possibly undercut all the things she had yet to say, but running back to her cold, dark apartment seemed cowardly. As always, she knew that once she allowed herself to curl into his side, her body and heart would drag her mind along with them.
“I should go.” She sighed in defeat. “But I can’t bring myself to leave right now.”
“Then stay—in my arms.” He kissed her forehead, murmuring his love against her skin.
Slowly, he extricated himself from her embrace and retrieved a couple of blankets, pausing to blow out the candles as he did so. He left the tea lights lit in the Moroccan lamps overhead, admiring the play of light and color against the walls of the tent. The very air shimmered.
They made a nest together in the center of the futon. Gabriel lay on his back with his beloved at his side. He did nothing to stifle the deep sigh of contentment that escaped his lips as he wrapped his arm about her shoulders.
“Gabriel?”
“Yes?” He stroked her hair slowly, reveling in the feel of the silkiness of the strands as they slipped through his fingers. He tried to savor her new, unfamiliar scent but found himself mourning the loss of the old one.
“I—missed you.”
“Thank you.” He squeezed her tightly as a feeling of cautious relief coursed through him.
“I used to lie awake at night, wishing you were with me.”
Gabriel’s eyes watered at the sound of her vulnerability and her courage. If he ever had a moment’s doubt that he would love and admire her forever, no matter whether she chose him or not, that doubt faded away like a wisp of smoke.
“Me too.”
She hummed to herself and within minutes, the two weary, former lovers were sound asleep.
Chapter 46
Julia opened her eyes and saw bright July sunlight streaming in through the open door of the tent. She was curled up under two cashmere blankets that had been lovingly tucked around her. She was alone. Were it not for the fact that she knew that the tent belonged to Gabriel, she would have thought that she’d dreamed the previous evening. Or that she’d woken up to a new dream.
As she got out of bed, she found a note next to her pillow.
Darling,
You were sleeping so peacefully that I didn’t want to disturb you. I’ll ask Rebecca to make waffles for breakfast because I know you like them. Falling asleep in your arms again reminded me that I was only half a person in your absence.
You make me whole.
With love,
Gabriel.
Julia couldn’t deny the fact that a variety of emotions came upon her as she read the note, like a symphony of different instruments. Perhaps the most dominant feeling was that of relief.
Gabriel loved her. Gabriel had returned.
But forgiveness and reconciliation were two different things, and she knew that although other forces had been at work to effect their separation, she and Gabriel each bore responsibility for the situation in which they currently found themselves. Julia didn’t want to run back into his arms only to escape the pain of their separation; that would be like taking a pill to kill a pain without investigating its root causes.
She found her shoes and slowly walked across the garden, retrieving her purse before entering the back door. Rebecca was already at work in the small kitchen, preparing breakfast.