Two days later Julia stood on the front steps of her new building, saying good-bye to Paul, feeling worse than she had when she rejected him in his parents’ kitchen. He hadn’t been cold, or rude, or resentful. He hadn’t shirked any responsibilities in terms of driving from Vermont to Cambridge, or unloading Julia’s things.
He’d even gone out of his way to set up a job interview for her at the trendy coffee shop across the street. The former occupant of the apartment had just quit her job there. Paul hoped that Julia could replace her, knowing that she needed the money.
He’d slept on the floor in Julia’s small apartment and never complained. He’d been perfect, actually. And that made Julia almost feel as if she should change her mind.
It would be safer, easier, to choose Paul. Her heart would heal with him. But in choosing Paul, she would be settling for the good and not the exceptional. And even if the exceptional eluded her for the rest of her life, it would be better, she thought, to live the life of a Katherine Picton, than to be like her mother. In marrying a good man without loving him passionately and completely, she would only serve to short-change him and herself. And she was not that selfish.
“Good-bye.” He hugged her tightly and released her, watching her expression carefully. Perhaps he was looking to see if she’d changed her mind.
“Good-bye. Thanks for everything. I don’t know what I would have done without you, all these months—”
He shrugged. “This is what friends do.”
Paul saw her eyes fill with tears and gave her a very worried expression. “We’re still friends, aren’t we?”
“Of course we are.” Julia sniffled. “You’ve been a great friend to me, and I hope that we can still be friends, even though…” She didn’t finish her sentence, and Paul nodded as if he was grateful she hadn’t.
With much hesitation he reached out to stroke her cheek one last time. Then he walked toward the car where his friend Patrick was waiting. Patrick was going to drive him back to Vermont.
Suddenly, Paul stopped. He turned around and walked back to Julia, nervously.
“I didn’t want to mention this in front of your father, so I was waiting until after he left. Then I thought maybe I shouldn’t say anything at all.” Paul looked away, up Mount Auburn Street, seemingly struggling with something.
“What is it?”
He shook his head, turning to look at her. “I got an email yesterday from Professor Martin.”
Julia looked up at him in surprise.
“Emerson quit.”
“What?” She placed a hand on either side of her temple as she tried to focus on the enormity of what Paul was saying. “When?”
“I don’t know. He agreed to continue supervising my dissertation, even though he’s leaving. At least, that’s what Martin said. I haven’t heard from Emerson at all.”
Paul caught sight of Julia’s agitated pose and quickly put an arm around her shoulders.
“I didn’t want to upset you, but I thought you should know. The department is starting a search for his replacement, and I’m sure they’ll be recruiting at Harvard. I knew you’d hear about it. I thought it would be better coming from me.”
Julia nodded woodenly. “Where’s he going?”
“I have no idea. Martin was tight-lipped about the entire thing. I think he’s pissed. After all the shit Emerson put the department through, he up and quit.”
Julia numbly hugged Paul good-bye and returned to her new apartment so she could think. That evening, she called Rachel. When she received a voice mail message she contemplated telephoning Richard, but she didn’t want to bother him. She knew that Scott wouldn’t have any inside information as to Gabriel’s whereabouts.
So she left a couple of messages on Rachel’s cell phone over the course of the next few days, then she waited. Rachel never responded.
As the days of June passed, Julia started a part-time job as a sales clerk at Peet’s coffee shop, which was located in a remodeled three-story house across the street. Since Tom covered her rent and her moving expenses, and since he had demanded that she take some of the proceeds from the sale of his house back in Selinsgrove, she was able to live simply but comfortably on her part-time job and her savings until her fellowship began in late August.
She quickly arranged an appointment with the therapist that Nicole had recommended and began meeting with Dr. Margaret Walters on a weekly basis. When she wasn’t learning the ropes of the retail coffee market and charming the citizens of Harvard Square, she followed Katherine Picton’s instructions and introduced herself to Greg Matthews, the Chair of her new department.