Forget About Midnight (Alexa O'Brien, Huntress #9)

‘They are. Their flight left just over an hour ago.’


It made me sad because there was nothing I could do about it. An awkward silence fell between us. There was no hiding my misery over Kale’s departure from Arys. He was in my head, able to access those thoughts without even having to try. Because it worked both ways, I could feel the deep desperation that racked him, the need to fix what he had broken. A wedge had been driven between us. My death.

‘It will be ok, Arys,’ I said because I didn’t know what else to say and because his hurt was my hurt. We were never going to stop causing each other some kind of pain. Would we ever learn how to manage the dark side of our bond?

‘I’m here if you need me.’

He was gone, closing that mental door between us, leaving me alone again with my thoughts. I sat heavily on the edge of the bed, staring at my cuffed hands.

How the hell did I get here? I ran back through the days in my mind. There were now so many versions of me: The one that had been human. The wolf. And now the vampire. Each version of me was constantly changing, leading me to this place where I now sat in an FPA holding cell pondering how I’d gotten there.

I’d left a trail of bodies on my journey here. Some of them had had it coming. Many of them didn’t. I didn’t doubt that I deserved to be right where I was. However, I knew well that the man who put me here should probably be here as well. Briggs was no saint. There was blood on his hands too.

Once I got thinking about my many mistakes and poor choices, it was easy to fall down the rabbit hole of guilt and despair. My anger at Briggs faded, replaced by my loathing for myself.

Lost in memories, I sat there punishing myself, reliving the times I’d really fucked up. I went back to my teen years, to the time I’d fallen in love with Raoul. I hadn’t known then that he was the wolf who’d attacked my family after my mother had driven him into a jealous rage. Looking back on it though, it felt like I should’ve known. Juliet did her best to ensure I never forgot that I’d slept with my mother’s lover.

Killing Veryl was another one of my great sins. He’d forgiven me for it. I knew that from my time between life and death, though I doubted I’d ever forgive myself for killing one of the few people who’d had my best interests at heart.

Being unable to save Lena and even Zoey, their lost lives haunted me. Neither death had directly been my fault though they had both happened because of me in some way.

I wasn’t sure how much time passed while I sat there lost in times long past, regretting them still. It had to be hours. At some point I’d moved onto the bed so my back was pressed against the wall. I clutched a piece of the simple blue comforter between my fingers. It smelled of laundry soap that was too heavily perfumed.

As I went through the human lives I’d taken just this past week alone, I wanted to cry. The tears never came though. I was already too far beyond them, in a place where raw emotion had faded into detached numbness that spread through me, seeking to devour.

Becoming a vampire had brought out the worst in me. No. Those things had been growing before the transition. A victim of my own power, I’d fed them, made them grow.

A small voice of reason spoke up amid my pity party. It told me that it was useless to focus on such things, a waste of energy, and a poor excuse to keep from moving forward. That voice was quickly drowned out by the blood and screams that surged forward to haunt me.

A cool breeze blew through the small room, an impossibility on its own except for where ghosts and evil entities were concerned. On the wind came the unspoken whisper, ‘Welcome back, lost wolf. Have you still not found your way?’

I stiffened, feeling very much not alone. “I have nothing to say to you.”

A cold chill crept over me, causing me to shiver. It was the first time I’d shivered since awaking after my death.

My rejection did nothing to deter the entity. It pressed harder, testing my resolve. ‘I felt your death,’ it said. ‘I tasted it.’

I thought of Arys, lost in blissful ecstasy as he drained the blood from me. “Yeah, well, you weren’t the only one.”

Letting my head fall back against the cold stone wall, I stared at the ceiling and waited for it to get bored and move on to torment someone else. It taunted me a few more times, trying to find my weakness. There were many for it to choose from.

‘The Hound of Light likes to play in the dark. You belong to me now.’

It chattered on like that for some time. Each word stoked the flames of my anger, but it wasn’t like I could bitch slap an invisible entity. So I did my best to ignore it. Then it started to really get personal.