Forget About Midnight (Alexa O'Brien, Huntress #9)

Was I? My harsh bark of laughter echoed. I eyed the man’s throat, finding my gaze drawn to the pulse beating there. Kale intervened then, pulling me away and shaking some sense back into me.

Instead of feeling proud of my small success, I was conflicted, both disgusted by the way I’d so easily commanded the man and also kind of invigorated by it. I’d managed to scratch my itch, but it was lacking. I’d once heard Kale describe a feed without the kill as sex without the orgasm. Still good but not even close to great. Missing a vital component.

“Stop beating yourself up,” Kale admonished as we drove to the cemetery where we were to meet Jez. “You did good. You didn’t kill him.”

“Only because you were there.” I slumped in my seat, resting my forehead against the cool glass of the passenger window. “It feels like something is missing. How the hell do you keep from killing the willing victims at the Kiss?”

We rolled to a stop at a red light, and Kale slid a glance my way. “It ain’t easy. As I’m sure you’ve noticed, I’m not always in control, especially these days. It helps to let yourself go once in a while. I try not to do it in the club if I can help it.”

“I don’t know if I can do this. I’m not supposed to be hunting them, Kale. I’m supposed to be helping.” Lost. Again I felt so damn lost.

“You’ll find yourself again,” he said, mouth set in a firm line of determination. “I promise.”

A bitter laugh fell from my lips. With grim amusement I was reminded of something I’d done. “You know, I asked Shaz and Kylarai to kill me if I ended up this way. If that happens, if I can’t handle this, then Willow’s sacrifice for me will have been for nothing.”

The light turned green, and Kale floored it. The Camaro’s engine roared as the car surged forward with a squeal of tires.

“Shaz is not going to kill you. He’s a strong wolf with a mean right hook, but he doesn’t have it in him to do that. And don’t even worry about letting Willow down. You’ve done a lot of good. Do you have any idea how many people you saved just by throwing a wrench in Shya’s plans?”

All I heard was right hook. My jaw dropped. “Did Shaz hit you too?”

“He took a shot. Said he owed me one. Can’t really argue with that.” Kale shrugged it off with a chuckle.

I was still staring at him in dismay when we reached the cemetery. I tried to put it out of my mind and instead focus on Jez. Seeing her would be good for me.

We crossed through the graveyard, stepping between headstones and ducking overhanging branches. The dizzying scent of shifter drew me straight to Jez. It was a delicious aroma with a spicy musk I’d never noticed before.

For a moment I doubted myself. Maybe I wasn’t ready for this. Suck it up, bitch, I reprimanded myself.

When I pushed through a patch of trees and found her standing there with a nervous smile, I forgot about everything but how happy I was to reconnect with my dear friend after several days of hell.

Jez’s face lit up at the sight of me though I could see her watchful feline gaze taking in every inch of me, lingering on my face.

“Damn, Lex, it’s so good to see you,” she gushed, taking a few steps forward. Absolutely fearless, she grabbed me in a hug and squeezed. “I’ve been worried about you.”

I hesitated for just a moment before hugging her back. At such close proximity her scent was even stronger but now tainted with cigarette smoke. However, I was also able to pick out the drugs moving through her system, faint but there. If anyone should be worried, it should be me. Jez wasn’t staying clean because Kale and I were too busy terrorizing the city when we should be taking care of her.

“I’m fine, Jezzy. Really. It’s just going to take some time for me to get my shit together. How are you?”

I stepped back and gave her a studious once over. With her golden ponytail and leggy frame draped in yoga wear, she looked like the Jez I knew and loved. But something was off. It wasn’t just the narcotics. It was the darkness inside her. I could feel it now without even trying. I glanced at Kale to see if he was aware of it, but he gave no indication.

“Been better. Been worse too. It’s all good. God, I’ve missed you.” She hugged me again before turning to punch Kale in the arm. It was hard enough to jostle him, and he gifted her with a scowl. “Would it kill you guys to come hang out or something? Just because I don’t want to run amok with you doesn’t mean you have to shut me out.”

“I wasn’t trying to shut you out,” I said. “It’s been a tough week. The last thing I wanted was to risk hurting you.”

“So?” She shrugged and crossed her arms. “Do you want to hurt me?”