Forget About Midnight (Alexa O'Brien, Huntress #9)

She rubbed a hand over her face and squished out her cigarette in the sink before reaching into the cupboard for a mug. When she produced two out of habit, she gave me a tight smile and put one back. She poured a mug of coffee, and I envied her.

“We’ll get through this. We just have to do it together.” I laid a hand on her arm. Her beast took note of mine, and she turned toward me, seeking comfort. Pulling her close, I hugged her, keeping an eye on the hot coffee she held. I didn’t want to end up wearing it.

The many scents she wore carried a massive amount of information. With just a sniff of Jez, I could tell what she’d been doing, eating, drinking, and snorting.

“I can’t be alone, Lex. I do bad things, and I don’t even want to stop once I get started.” She twisted a lock of my hair around a finger, absently observing, “You have such pretty hair. Don’t cut it off, ok?”

Her thoughts were scattered. I knew the feeling. Being alone wasn’t a fear I had. Being alone made it easier to keep from hurting other people. However, I was aware of how dangerous my comfort with solitude could be. I was already isolated from so many people I loved.

“Maybe we should move in together for a while,” I suggested. “We can be roomies. Keep each other out of trouble.”

Jez pulled back to search my face. “Really? Wouldn’t that drive you crazy? I know you like your space.”

“Says the solitary cat.” I gave her a playful nudge. “No, really. I think it may be good for us. We both need a safe place outside of this toxic city. Too much time here is driving us both nuts.”

The city was a cesspool of trouble. It catered to the dark side in everyone: drugs, sex, blood, and power in abundance. At least in my small town down the highway, we had a reprieve from most of that, not to mention the forest outside my backyard. The wolf within me was wistful at the thought.

“It’s going to be so hard.” Her voice was so small.

“It will be,” I agreed. “But we have to start somewhere.”

Jez clutched her coffee mug so hard her knuckles were white. I half expected it to shatter. Her eyes were haunted. “Sometimes I think I feel it. The dark thing inside me. Since you told me, I think I feel it, and then I think I must be going crazy. It scares me.”

It scared me too. Jez was one of my favorite people and one of the few who’d been able to be what she was without risk of the dark consuming her. Little did we know it was just lying in wait. But what was it waiting for?

“We’ll figure it out.” I tried to be nonchalant, playing off how dire I believed the situation was. The dark wasn’t just within us. It was actively pursuing us, and I feared there was no way to outrun it. “One thing at a time.”

A few hours before dawn, I found myself standing on Arys’s front step. I could feel him inside, and I knew he felt me too. Still, he waited for me to knock.

The sound was painfully loud in the quiet of the early morning hours. It had been tempting to go home with Jez, but I knew I had to see Arys. He was suffering too. The least I could do was face him after everything I’d done. So I sent Jez to my place with the promise that I’d be there before dawn.

A cold breeze stirred inside me. The door opened, and I braced for the worst. Arys looked like hell. Hair standing up in disarray and clothing bedraggled, he regarded me with the same madness I’d seen in the mirror.

I hadn’t thought this through. Frozen, I stood there staring at him, wishing there was something I could say. In such a short time we’d drifted so far apart, and yet we could never walk free of each other. Would we ever learn how to coexist? To be what we were meant to be? Or would we end up like Lilah and Salem? Divided and crazy. We were already headed down that path.

Arys’s expression softened, and instead of crazy, he just looked tired. I knew he’d seen the video Briggs had sent out. There wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it.

“I don’t want to do this anymore.” I opened my mouth, and the same words Jez had said to me spilled out.

Arys stepped back and ushered me inside. “Come on, Alexa. We need to talk.”

“But we have talked.” I followed him into the living room, pausing when I detected the lingering scent of Shaz. He’d been here. “All the talking in the world isn’t going to change anything. I keep doing these things, these horrible things, and part of me wants to. Part of me likes it. But this other part of me, the last shred of sanity I have left, it hates these things I’m doing, Arys. I don’t know who I am, and I’m losing my mind.”

Arys let me ramble on. Then he put a gentle hand on my shoulder and steered me over to the couch. He sat beside me, angling his body so we faced each other.

“Alexa, this is all my fault,” he said, shocking me. “I fucked and killed my way halfway through Europe when I first turned. I made you like me. A killer. Not just a killer but a hunter for blood, sex, and power. Everything you’ve done is everything I did in the beginning. Some of it I still do now.”