“Involved?” Surely, he didn’t actually mean what it sounded like he meant and she wasn’t about to make a fool of herself yet again by assuming.
Declan took his time wiping his mouth with a napkin before answering. “My idea of what that means will probably be a little different from yours, Ellie, but I think you get the idea. I like you, I want you, and I think you feel the same. I’ve tried to step back even though I knew how you felt about me because you are just too good for someone like me.” When she opened her mouth to protest, he raised his hand to silence her. “For years I have lived a life that you can’t even imagine. I have done and seen things that would shock you, disgust you, and scare the hell out of you. Don’t even bother to doubt me, because even I run from the things in my head. So I can’t make any promises to you, Ellie, because more than likely I’d end up breaking them. I’m not going to be the man you settle down with or the man who gives you a family, but, honey, I can be the man who makes your skin burn, your toes curl, and who makes you lose your inhibitions and scream. That I can promise you.”
Ella felt her breathing kick into high gear as her ni**les peaked and heat pooled between her thighs. Declan’s eyes blazed into hers as if awaiting her response. All she could manage to croak out was “Why did you change your mind?”
He leaned forward in his chair and trailed a finger down one of her flushed cheeks. “You are hell-bent on finding a man, Ellie, and even though you might end up hating me in the end, I’ll never hurt you physically. For you, I will even try to give you some of what you need.”
Man, was that an intriguing sentence. “Some of what I need?”
Declan shifted in his seat, obviously uncomfortable. “Yeah, you know a date kind of thing. Maybe dinner and a movie or whatever you enjoy doing. I want us to be lovers, Ellie, but I will try to give as much as I take. I haven’t done this whole dating scene in a long time and I’m not sure I even know how to do something so normal anymore.”
Ella could feel tears welling up in her eyes. Declan sounded so lost and alone. She had to wonder what he had gone through to make him sound afraid to do something so normal as go on a date. They had spent a lot of time talking at the office, but it was usually about her. He rarely ever talked about his life or his past. When she had tried to ask, he had changed the subject or made up some appointment he had to get to. She knew he had spent years in the military and she had to assume that that was the source of most of his demons. Shyly, she reached out and took his hand in hers. “I do like you. I haven’t made a secret of that, but before this goes any further, I need to tell you something.”
“I already know, Ellie.”
Ella’s jaw dropped in surprise as she asked, “You do?”
“Yeah, I do,” Declan smiled.
“Wha . . . what do you know?”
His smile turned in to a full-scale smirk as he said, “I know that you want my body. You don’t need to confess, sweetheart.” Declan burst out laughing as she stared at him with her mouth open. “I’m sorry, Ellie, I couldn’t resist. You looked so nervous that I thought you needed a good laugh. Now what do you need to tell me?”
Ella could only stare at the man sitting in front of her. He was actually making jokes. He seemed almost happy. Could he need her as much as she needed him? What he was offering her went against everything she had been raised to believe. He was as good as promising her that there would be no future for them. Had she waited for Mr. Right for this long only to settle for Mr. Right-now? If the only feelings between them were physical, why was she so drawn to him? Was she strong enough to battle his demons and save the man underneath it all?
Question after question swirled through her head as she gazed into the laughing eyes of the man before her. If she were truthful with herself, she would admit that the battle had been lost the moment he walked through her door. There was no way she could walk away from what he was offering. It might not be what she had always imagined her first love to be, but she knew in her heart that Declan would change her life forever whether he stayed for one night or for the rest of her life. She crossed her fingers that he didn’t run when she answered his questions. “I, um . . . don’t have much experience with what you’re talking about.” Declan rubbed his finger over the palm of her hand in a way that sent tingles across her skin. “Well, all of it, I guess. I’ve gone on dates, but it didn’t go much further than that.”
He extended his other hand and raised her chin, forcing her to make eye contact. “Are you a virgin, Ellie?”