Kai’s face scrunches up then and then he beams with realization. “Food is good!”
Allana laughs at the bantering between her son and brother-in-law. She then turns, grabs the dirty dishes, and quickly puts them away in the dishwasher before setting down the fresh mugs by the coffee pot. She glances up at the clock and quickly asks Bruno to get the girls into their car seats and out into the car. He promptly obeys while she clears the table with absolute ease. She is the epitome of a domestic goddess. She gets Kai into a pair of shoes and then tells him to go to his father just as Bruno comes back into the house.
“You know where I am,” she tells me, giving my shoulder a gentle squeeze before she goes over and gives Enzo and Carlo a kiss on the cheek goodbye. Swiftly, Allana kisses Bruno goodbye and rushes out after Kai with the twins, the door closing behind her.
Apparently, she knew what was brewing because the moment the car’s driving away and no longer in hearing range, my three brothers begin to speak. Even as Bruno offers coffee, there’s a lot of heatedness going on and pointing the blame at differing people. I listen to them argue, and I cannot help but feel this wedge of guilt penetrate deep within me. They're arguing because I provoked my father. I allowed the evil within him to come out and dabble with his masses. He possessed an opportunity and the idea of one outcome. Had I not mentioned our mother, this would never have turned into a feud.
"This is my fault." I break into their heated conversation, and they all look at me. "I mentioned Mamma."
I look at them; feel their eyes look upon me with shades of differing emotion - rage, worry, protectiveness, remembrance. They seem propelled to that same dark day I forced my father back to, and I worry about the fallout.
I gulp and go back to the beginning of it all. I know Enzo knows, but Bruno is in total darkness over how the Abbiatis run now. "Giovanni wants the job because I'm too deep, but I want this. I need this. This will be my one defining moment to prove myself, but it's not as simple as he seems to think. He can't expect me to kill Zane and be able to just move on."
"Zane?" Bruno asks, his voice taunt with confused realization. "As in Zane Maverick?" I nod my head and he just grins. "There is hope for you then."
"No," I say with a laugh of sheer disbelief. "There is no hope for me, Bruno. Last night proved that. This hit will kill me, but I cannot allow Gio or Papà to take this from me. I'll never forgive them for killing him."
"But you'll forgive yourself for killing him?" Bruno asks and looks at Enzo. "You allowed him to present her with this?"
"Hey, he blindsided us all with this one, but Amelia took it and said she was able to do it before I even knew his plan." Enzo's livid suddenly, and it's not aimed at me. "Don't complain when you absolved yourself of all responsibilities of looking after our baby sister. Amelia has done enough to save her neck, but even she has a breaking point. She's stronger than you think, but this she can't do. This will break her."
"I can do this," I mutter, without much conviction.
"Amelia, you don't have to try to be tough here," Carlo says and comes to crouch before me. “You can admit to us if this is too much. We can figure out a way to get you away from this life.”
I ponder the thought. I wonder if absolution would be mine if I just admit defeat and hide in the shadows like Bruno had. If I walked away from my life, would it take away the demons? I highly fucking doubt it. I’ve been made to do things I’m not proud of and been forced to see things that are burnt so fiercely into my brain that they conjure terror even when I’m not consciously thinking about them. Running away won’t take them away. I’ll carry every memory as if it’s a battle scar.
“I can’t,” I admit meekly. “He’s my father.” I can feel the weight of their gazes, and I look up at them. They’ve all been in my predicament before. I’m a twenty-three-year-old who has no friends because my father wouldn’t allow it and no family outside of the Abbiati mansion. If I leave, I will be on my own until it’s safe. Unlike Bruno, I have no one to build a future with. Zane is no definite in my life. “This isn’t an easy decision, and I can’t leave Manuel behind.”
And just like that, I fall into routine with my brothers – only sticking it out to protect those younger than us. They’ve always been like an alliance, and now I understand why and how.
“We can protect him,” Enzo tries to bargain.
I shake my head. “He needs me.” It’s not so easy to turn my back on him when I know his darkest secrets. Without me, he knows no comfort. I am it for him, like Enzo is for me.
“Are you going to be joining us for Amelia’s birthday?” Enzo’s question changes the subject promptly and all attention leaves me and falls onto Bruno. “If you are, you’ll see how he is with her. Then you might be able to talk some more sense into Amelia.”