In response to his questions, my eyes form slits as I narrow my gaze upon his. He has the audacity to ask me if I mean so little to him? The comprehension of such ludicrous curiosity is far more laughable than anything else I've heard all week.
"You were never worth anything but your weight in gold to me. Never ask me that question again when it was you who made me fall in love with you, only for you to rip my heart out and fucking destroy it right in front of me." I push him off, creating a breathing space for myself. "Don't you dare think for one second I forgot about you. But for my own good, I have to protect myself from people like you. I have to maintain some of the dignity you allowed me to keep." I throw my hands up into my hair, pulling at it with the distress he’s suffocating me with. "I fucking loved you back then, still do, but I am in no predicament to forgive and forget. And you best believe I don't ever forgive or forget, Zane."
I feel the licks of my past demons begin to beat upon me. They’re vile, decrepit beings, but sometimes I just cannot forget about them. Some days, they hold a power over me that even the threat of my family cannot save me from. Like right now, my surname, my family’s power offers no solace to the callous beings that live within me.
Zane doesn't respond initially. He just begins to grin. The bastard takes a miniscule step away while his eyes light up with excitement, his lips turning up into a simple grin. He’s about to laugh. The expression – the one before he falls into hysterics – was always one of my favorites.
"What have I said that's so fucking hilarious?" I ask. I drop my arms and begin crossing them over my chest.
"You still love me," he states warily. There's nothing but absolute pleasure in his tone. He's not mocking me and my beating heart; he's pleased to hear from us both. "I knew there was a reason I still think of you every time I jerk off."
"You're a pig," I tell him, and I see he's now taking great enjoyment in my developing anger.
"Amelia, you were always my best. You were destined to be my best. You told me when we first started dating how I'd become this better person, and you were right. I didn't believe it until one day you were just gone." I see him give a puppy dog expression, his eyes silently pleading with me. “Just, please, Amelia.”
“You’re going to have to repent more than that, Coglione,” I hiss, insulting him by calling him an ass. It’s handier than anyone thinks, being bilingual, and I know I could do worse, but not right now. I’ll hold my full rage back and make sure I don’t fail at my mission. “I sacrificed so much for you to turn around and do this. Now, you’re back with an apology, thinking I’ll just fall into your arms and call our issues something lame like they were teething problems.”
“I’d never done love before I met you!” he argues back. There’s a fierceness and a fight I’ve never seen before igniting within him. “Before you, it was all drinking, sex, and work. Then you sauntered in and gave me one smile, and I fell, Amelia. I fell hard, and I took it all for fucking granted. I took you for granted. I’ve tried to find another you, hell a replacement for you, but no one comes remotely close.”
“I am not the same girl you fell in love with,” I say, preparing myself to let him know exactly who I am now – or what I am.
He shakes his head, not willing to accept my comment. “You look like the same girl. You sound like her. Amelia, you kiss like her, too!” He looks crazy with love, and I have to admit, I’m pleased he’s seemingly so cut up. “What could possibly have changed in a little over a year?”
Everything.
“You wouldn’t believe me!” I snarl at him, unable to hold back anymore. “You want to know what’s changed?” I ask him, and he nods, now wary of what he’s about to learn. “I changed because when you broke my heart I never recovered. I don’t care for anything anymore. I don’t care what my family does or what I do. I don’t fucking care what you do either, and if I’m honest, Zane, the last thing I want to do is give you the opportunity to make round two a lot like round one.”
As the final words spill and I feel my body shake, I realize that Zane’s inevitable death might well kill me, but tapping into old, torn emotions could do the same. I thought he would be my hardest case because I love him, but locked away in my heart, alongside his memories, are many built-up emotions that I never wanted to face. Those are just as deadly as any poison my brother could ever hand me.
“Amelia,” Zane whispers as he takes advantage of my pregnant pause.
“Fuck you!” I tell him and give him a shove, trying to get him away from me.
"God, you're so damn hot when you're angry," he growls, his actions becoming unbidden and feral.