“I wish I had been there for you,” I utter, my voice low as I think of how difficult it must have been for Zane. I know it’s a quick, selfish subject change, but I don’t like to discuss my mother’s death. Zane’s, however, I never have truly come to terms with and it still hurts to think I’ll never see her again. If it hurts me, I can only imagine what Zane must feel. His mother was his only family, so I know he had to deal with it all alone. “I would have been there. Had you called, I would have run to you.”
“How could I call you, Amelia?” he asks me, a dry sense of mirth lingers in his voice. “I’m the big bad wolf in this life, remember? I ran into your life and tore it apart. I couldn’t simply call you.” I watch his eyes water, and I have to fight myself to not wrap my arms around him. “Everything that I receive I deserve.”
“You didn’t deserve to handle her death alone,” I tell him, stopping mid-stride. I turn to him, grab his hands, and force him to look at me. “I would have forgotten everything to be there. There’s not even a doubt in my mind, Zane.”
I don’t want to tell him that maybe had he done just that, our lives might not have collided in such a deathly passion. Had he just given me a cry for help, our love story may have never been cracked and tarnished with such fearful intentions. As fate has it, I’m the twisted one and he’s soon to follow me. The what ifs are monumental in our lives now – what if he had never left? What if he had always trusted to just love me? What if I was strong enough to leave my family? What if we had never met? The possibilities are endless, but I know had he just shown his vulnerability and need for me, our lives would have played out so differently than they are now.
“There was every doubt in mine,” he says solemnly and looks back out to the acres that stretch beyond us. “You’ll laugh, but I finally feel like I’m doing something right with my life.”
“I always thought you were a stupid man,” I mutter and know this is him moving on from the painful subject matter. I look at him, finding his eyes already on me, and take the moment to give him a sincere look that I am here for him. “Let’s go down to the tennis courts.”
“I won’t lie,” he begins, filling the silence that settles between us. “I always thought that I would be killing my life left, right, and center the moment I was allowed into the family. Stereotypically thought it’d be no rest for the wicked, but you guys live a surprisingly calm life.”
I snort on that opinion. “Right now it is. Just because there is murder doesn’t mean it’s something we do on a daily basis. Most of the time, it’s all business and mergers and handling of goods. Stuff my father uses to gain a larger business name. Murder just seems to go hand in hand with it all. He makes them bloodier to set examples.” I wring my hands together nervously. “Obviously, not my quests, but the ones my father has an involvement with are all men, sometimes women as well, who have snitched, snubbed, or royally fucked up.” I stop again only to turn to him. My nerves are killing me as I talk about the family business. How everything seems to hang on the fact that if you’re loyal, your payout is beautiful, and if you fucked up, your death will be beautifully executed. “Being an Abbiati is a health hazard. You know that, right?”
“I think I can assume I knew that, yeah,” he scoffs, laughing to hide his own nerves. “Especially after what I witnessed with Carmello.”
“That’s nothing,” I respond, dampening his confidence on that hit. “There have been worse situations we have gotten out of and lived to tell the tale.” His face becomes ashen as I mention that and I just give a little laugh of exasperation. “You get used to understanding the pace of this life, Zane. You’re committed to it now. There is no way out.”
“I don’t need one.”
I can see he’s trying to be brave, and I find it stupidly admirable. He’s trying to remain so beautifully stoic for me, keep a semblance of strength, win with strategic moves, and bargain against my need to resist. However, first and foremost, he needs to remind himself of what cesspit he’s leapt into.
“You’re an anomaly to me, Zane Maverick,” I muse wickedly. “You called me that once, but it’s you who’s the abnormal one. You love me but cannot tolerate my family and what it stands for. You love your job, but quit to work for my father. You say it’s all for love, but no clever man would give up their entire life for this.”
“I’m not a clever man,” he tells me. “I’m not giving up my life for this, Amelia. I’m giving it up for you. Hell, I’m starting anew for you, with you. I know the danger I’m putting myself into for this, but I cannot risk being stupid enough to lose you a third time. I won’t even think about it. This is the right thing for us to do now.”