"And I'll do whatever it'll take," he counters, not daring to back down from his argument or me.
"And I guess you'll expect me to kiss every war wound better? I ask, rhetorically and fiddle with the collar on his shirt again. "Because I won't. You can kiss your own ass." I push him away to leave, heading up to stairs quickly.
"Dammit," he grunts from behind me. "You are going to be the absolute death of me, woman!"
"I thought you already knew that was my plan?" I ask, tossing the question over my shoulder as I leave him at the bottom of the stairs. This is counterproductive; if I don't leave, I might regret my actions.
"Don't you dare fucking walk away," Zane growls, following me up a few steps. “I'm trying my all with you, Amelia, but you keep on shutting me down." His tone has changed him, and anger is beseeching him. "If I was more like Lorenzo, would you want me? If I was already in the family, would I have a fighting chance?"
I stop, bristling at the use of Lorenzo against me. Slowly, I turn and race down the stairs. "Maybe you're right. Maybe I'm scared of the man you'll become from loving me and being in this family. I'm scared of the victim you'll become and I'm scared you'll turn around one day and resent me for all you did for me. So, I'm sorry if I can't just fall into your arms and take the good life. The good life doesn't exist for people like me."
"But it does," he replies, trying to defuse my argument with question.
"No," I tell him fiercely. "It does not. Not after everything I've done. I certainly do not deserve to love you enough to pull you down with me. So become a part of this family if that's what you want, but don't expect me to support it."
“Sorry to interrupt,” Enzo interjects, and I welcome it. The sooner this conversation is over, the better. “But we’re thinking of going out to let off some steam,” Enzo announces. It’s a very good idea. I can almost taste the alcohol dance upon my taste buds. “You both look like you could use a stiff drink.”
I’m just agreeing to get alcohol.
CHAPTER FIVE
“Amelia,” Zane says as he grabs my hand, preventing me from entering the bar with Enzo and Manuel. The other car hasn’t arrived yet, which tells me Giovanni is still holding the other guys up. “Can we talk about earlier?”
“What’s to talk about?” I ask, crossing my arms just below my breasts. I watch him pull at his collar as he eyes my ample breasts. I roll my eyes and narrow my gaze. “You proved how much you want to be part of this family. That’s kudos to you.”
“Not about that,” he counters, shaking his head. “Us. I want to talk about us.”
“What is there to talk about that we haven’t already?” I ask him, keeping bitterness to my tone for effect. “There isn’t an us. You did that, Zane, not me. So, please forgive me when I say I cannot get past it because you’re a fucking idiot.”
“I deserve that, I do,” he remarks, nodding as he feels the comment hit him. “I just need to know why you aren’t even trying to give me a chance here. I’m trying everything to show you I’m here, finally.”
“Right, want me to tell you why I’m still so hung up over everything?” I ask, and he nods. I take a deep breath, fill my lungs, and ready myself upon my exhale. "I came to your place that night to tell you that I wanted to run away with you," I begin to tell him. "I wanted to pack up and leave to start a new life; one where I wouldn't have to do things like I have, one where I could just be happy with you. But you stole that chance away, and I can't forgive you for it. Everything I had dreamed of shattered, Zane, and you were the culprit. But when I left, I was so enraged, so lost, so broken, I came home, got my gun, and went for my father. He was the main person who had torn you away from me again, so if he was gone from the equation, I would have you back, but I only carried on losing that night. I lost you, lost my family, and I lost myself. And the worst part is that I don't deserve any of it back." I steel my emotions, trying not to unravel before we enter the club. “So, I won’t give in because I can’t have you now. I’m past that, and I cannot drag you any more into this.” I don’t allow him the chance to argue, and when the second car pulls up and Giovanni gets out arguing with Carlo, I use it as my cue to leave. “We are what we are,” I tell him walking away. “We stand no chance now.”
“Bella!” Lorenzo calls out the moment he’s out of the car.