I cry harder at the thought. I wanted so much out of this life, so much goodness to follow the dark cloud that’s followed my every move. I finally saw hope; saw what Enzo always fought for. I saw it all and now I’m paralyzed with pain, trapped by it, and all I can do is stare ahead as the light dances through every face on the surface of the crystal chandelier.
As I continue to drown in my thoughts, I suddenly find it’s getting much harder to keep my eyes open. I knew my life was bleeding out, but now I truly know I’m on the last few remaining drops before it’s game over. Everything is beginning to slip away too quickly.
Now, every time I close my eyes, I'm met by the haunting visuals of my life. It flashes and bursts and scenes I have loved to live take over the darkness and the saddest thing of it all is that each one involves Zane. Intermittently, I’m greeted with visuals of my family – moments with my brothers, ones full of calm and laughter. My mother bursts through, but the majority of what I’m watching involves Zane – as if to torture me more that I won’t have these moments again. All those memories I see involve him. His kisses, his smiles, and the way he said I love you. They all dance and twirl and invade the darkness, and I can't help but feel at ease to know that when my life flashed before my eyes, I only saw the love people had granted me with. All my heinous crimes, all my wrong decisions, or my bad judgments don’t assault me. I’m greeted at the cusp of death with the love that has surrounded me and seen me through the worst of it all.
However, as I find myself ensconced in the beautiful memories, thankful for the peace, I find myself met with when he left that last time and my heart breaks. That convoluted fight that tore us apart so wildly conjures up, but its saving grace is when I still fought to save him. And just as it came, it disperses into the first time I saw him again and the staggering affair we’ve lived. As I feel myself begin to drift, it's as if nothing matters because Zane’s voice penetrates the blissful oblivion preparing its beautifully wispy talons. His voice drags me back and prevents me from taking the plunge.
“Open your eyes now,” I hear him call, but the darkness calling is greater. “Sweetheart, I need you to open your eyes!” he cries again; this time it’s almost a sonic boom in the darkness. “Amelia, please!” he begs, and I start to fight back. I don’t know if this is a part of my mind conjuring up what I want right now, or if he’s actually here, but I have to find out. “Amelia,” he sobs, the voice closer to me than ever.
I open my eyes to see him here crying as he stares down at me.
“Amelia, please,” he sobs again, this time he really cries out.
I begin to cough as I breathe through the throbbing pains, now feeling his hold on my stomach to staunch the bleed. As that taste of blood becomes too much, he looks at me. He stares incredulously, clearly unable to process that I opened my eyes for him.
“Amelia,” he whispers, looking up at the ceiling as he silently murmurs a thank you. “You’ve got to hold on. Help is on the way.” His voice is wrecked with tears, consumed with worry, but there’s a tone that wraps itself around me, telling me to keep my eyes open even when he’s stopped. “Help is coming, baby. I promise you, help is coming.”
“T-tired,” I whisper, murmuring softly. I can hear how my voice is beginning to silent itself.
“I know you are, but you have to keep your eyes open, you have to stay awake. If only for a little while longer.” He tries in vain not to sound desperate, but I can tell he’s unraveling. “How about I keep talking and you just listen? That’s all I’m asking, sweetheart, is for you to keep quiet while I speak. Can you do that?”
As my tears return, I nod my head, telling myself to remain awake to hear every word he has to say to me.