She reared back, as if I had hit her.
I didn’t care. I didn’t care about anything then. “I don’t want to see you. I don’t want to talk to you. I don’t want to even know you exist. I think I hate you. I really do.”
Her eyes closed.
A sob tore from my throat, but I spoke the truth. “It was my life too. My memories. My mother. My father. My home. It was mine too. You can’t play with that. You’re not god. You’re not my mom right now. I don’t even think you’ve been in years.”
“I am too your mother.” She looked back up. A haunted emotion was in her depths. She was breathless. “I—”
“Everything changed!” I screamed and my hands shot to my hair. I wanted to yank it all out. I did, but I gasped for breath. I wanted to hurt her, not me. “Everything changed. I had friends when I lived there that I don’t anymore. I had a boyfriend when I lived there that I don’t anymore. Nothing’s the same. Everything changed. Everything is different. I don’t have parents anymore! Who disciplines me?! I am screwing your boyfriend’s son! And you don’t say anything. No one says anything.”
“Sam,” she choked out and fell back a step. She landed against the wall with a thump. Then her head went down and she whimpered.
“I have two dads. Who is it? Who is my real father? The sperm donor who showed up and is trying? Or the guy that was there all my life but not anymore? He dropped me when we moved, when you cheated. I call you all by first names!” I couldn’t stop shouting. Everything was off-kilter. It shouldn’t have been, but it was and it was her fault. I knew everything was her fault. “You didn’t bring my pictures, Analise. They were mine too. Those were things from my life too.”
“Sam,” she sobbed and reached a hand out.
I backed up and fell silent. There was no more. I was wrung out, but I saw that her dress was soaked from tears. “You might want to change before dinner. You look ridiculous.”
She gasped as I turned and left.
When I pulled the door closed behind me, I heard James murmur, “I think you look beautiful, Analise.”
Then it shut and I no longer cared. She wasn’t my concern. No one was.
When I got in my car, I drew in a deep breath. Where the hell did I go? I found myself driving past the two houses to Garrett’s house. The lights were lit and as I drew closer, I could smell the chili from outside. When the door opened, it was another matter. Raised voices blasted my ears and I no longer remembered the chili.
“I can’t believe you!”
Garrett’s voice chided, “Oh come on, Helen. What were you thinking? I never proposed to you and you laid it all out.”
My feet quickened their pace and I stopped in the kitchen’s doorframe. It was open and led to the small dining room and the right side of the house. They saw me. Helen’s mouth had opened, a finger was in the air, and she looked ready to deliver a scathing retort. It fell flat at my appearance.
“Sam?”
Her chest deflated when Garrett saw me. The raised finger fell to her side and she turned her back to me.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“Sam.” Garrett stepped from around the kitchen island. “Come on. You look like crap. Have you been crying?” Then a different idea came to him and he growled. “Did Mason do this?”
That brought a laugh from me. “No.”
“Why do you blame him?” Helen crossed her arms over her chest.
I chuckled. “I’m going to go downstairs. Carry on.”
“Sam, wait.”
But I shook my head and gave him a small wave as I went to my room first. With all the drama and emotions that coursed through me, the need to run was full force inside of me. So I chucked my phone to the side, changed into my running gear, and grabbed my iPod. Since it was close to midnight, I went to Garrett’s gym in the basement and climbed onto the treadmill.
I kept the television off. I turned the fan on. I had only one light turned on from the back wall. Then I started my music and started running.
I never checked the time. I just ran. I had missed it and for some reason the urge to go hadn’t been with me. Because of that, I felt it come back twofold. It was trying to contain me, suffocate me, and I went longer because of it.
When I did stop, it was close to three in the morning, and I was panting. My limbs were rubbery. The numb feeling had taken over everything. It seemed like sheets of sweat dropped from me when I left that room and headed to my own. But when I opened my door and turned the light on, I stopped short.
Mason lifted his head from my bed and gave me a small grin. “Hey.”
“Hey.” The door slipped from my fingers. I flinched as it shut louder than I would’ve wanted. “What are you doing here?”
He grinned and pushed up to sit on the edge of my bed. “What do you think, Sam? I’ve been worried.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah. Oh.” Then he chuckled and ran a hand over his face. “What time is it? I fell asleep in here.”