He didn’t believe me. I didn’t care.
I saw my father every day at school. He coached there. Goodness sake. What was wrong with me? My hand splayed out over my stomach, and I tried to soothe the storm that rose inside of me. My pulse picked up as I clamped my eyes closed when my fingers started to tremble. My voice would be next. That meant I couldn’t speak, and I had to speak. I had to go over there. I had to be normal. No one could know—
“Don’t go.”
“What?” I whirled around again. My eyes were wide, and I knew he saw the terror within me.
He cursed and ran a hand over his face. “You’re pale. You’re shaking. Don’t go over there.”
“I promised Malinda,” I said faintly. It was true. “I can’t back out. Becky will be there too…”
He gave me a rueful grin. “I’ve met that girl before. She seemed like the girl who could bounce through any gathering. She struck me as a rabbit on crack, and I mean a rabbit. They’re the horniest animals on the planet.”
He was right, but the sentiment failed to calm my storm. “Malinda came over here. This entire thing is for me.”
“Well that’s total bullshit.”
“What?” Everything paused.
He bit a curse and shook his head. “This entire thing is about Malinda ingratiating herself with your father.”
I jumped at his intensity.
“David is your father. Your real father, and she knows it. I’ve met the guy. I still talk to him on occasion and I know he’s holding off everything for you. He wants you to be settled. He doesn’t want to pressure you, but look at you. You’re being pressured. You’re not ready for a family dinner five months after you lost your last family. You look like a ghost, Sam. Don’t go over there. Get rip roaring drunk. Don’t have sex with Mason, but let the guys take care of you. I know you gravitate to them because they tell all of us off. They speak up for you when you can’t. I’m not stupid. Mason gets under my skin, but I know he’s a relationship that you need right now. Just don’t hide behind him when it’s the time for you to step forward.”
I had warmed with every word he spoke. By the end, tears threatened to flood, but I rasped out with a crooked grin, “Is this you being a father or a friend?”
“Neither.” The smile on his face was haunted. “I’m an outsider, but I’m an adult and I care. That’s all this is.”
I jerked my head in a nod. Tears flowed free, and I brushed them away as I cursed.
He touched my shoulder. “It’s going to get better. It always does.” Then he rolled his eyes and swore under his breath. “I’m going to regret asking this, but you don’t want Mason or Logan to go with you?”
“No.” I took a deep breath and looked again. The house didn’t seem so daunting now. “I didn’t tell them about the dinner.”
He didn’t say anything, but I felt his surprise.
I ducked my head down. “This is my thing, not theirs.”
“You will make a remarkable woman one day, Samantha.” His voice was choked with emotion, and he coughed to clear it. “If you aren’t already.”
I didn’t hold back the tears now. I couldn’t. But I looked back and saw the corner of his lip trembling. Then I asked because I needed to know. “Are you really getting a divorce?”
The trembling stopped as he stared down at me. I felt him searching.
“I’m not asking for Mason or Logan. I don’t care about Helen. I’m not asking for any of them. I’d like to know because…” I didn’t know why. I just did.
His shoulders dropped dramatically. He closed his eyes. “I have no idea, Samantha. I really don’t.”
My heart started to pound again. Did I dare…I did. “Are you trying to work things out?”
“We’ve been separated for almost two years, but I haven’t filed for divorce. Neither has she.”
My voice was raw. “She cheated on you?”
“With my best friend. For seven years.”
I was struck silent at his omission. Seven years. He hadn’t filed for divorce after two years. Something unfolded inside of me. I looked back at the house again and reached for the door. This time I opened it, went to step out, but paused before I pulled it shut behind me. I didn’t look at him. I don’t know why, but I didn’t as I spoke. My voice was hoarse. “I won’t tell anyone. I promise.”
As I shut the door, I thought I heard a whisper, but I wasn’t sure. I thought he said “Thank you,” but it was so quiet, I could’ve imagined it. I probably did.
Then I crossed the street and knocked on their door.
Malinda threw it open. She stood there a moment. Her eyes were wide and her hand was pressed to her chest. She had rosy cheeks that matched her red fluffy sweater. Her long dark hair hung loose. There were curls in it this time and she swept it over her shoulder. “Oh my.”
I prayed the tears had dried. “I’m sorry I’m late.”
Her brown eyes sparkled in warmth, and she opened the door wider. “We thought something had come up. Come in, Samantha. Do. Come in.”