“I know,” he replied quietly, “but would it be for the same reasons?”
Vulnerable. My white wolf was in pain. We were both in pain, but his pain made him enticing. Too enticing.
“You f**k another woman and call her by my name, but you’re questioning why I make the choices I’ve made?” My voice broke, and I was suddenly overwhelmed. The dam barring the wave of emotion threatened to break. I wasn’t ready for that. “I have to go. I need to kill something.”
My pulse pounded in my ears. My stomach twisted, and the vampire’s hunger filled me. I needed to feel a victim’s struggles while I spilled their blood, and that victim could never be Shaz.
I hightailed it out of there like the devil himself chased me. Shaz called my name, but he didn’t stop me. He knew the risks as well as I did, and Arys wasn’t there to keep us from crossing the line this time.
The parking lot was empty and eerily silent. Part of me hoped Lilah would take a shot at me tonight. I needed to blow off some steam. I had no destination in mind. Giving myself over to the growing darkness inside me, I let the bloodlust be my guide.
Chapter Seventeen
It was getting easier to give in. When I just quit fighting, the entire process went a lot smoother. Though I hated myself afterwards every damn time, in the moment, it was bliss.
Like so many times before, I slipped into that zone that was pure predator. The tangy aroma of blood tickled my nose. It filled my mouth, warm and pulsing with life. I drank in both blood and energy, seeking all my victim had to give. Perhaps choosing one of Kale’s bimbos was in poor taste, but she had come out the back door into the parking lot at the wrong time.
I sat on the ground, leaning against the building. I stared at the dead woman, and she stared back at me, her eyes open and lifeless. The gaping wound in her throat mocked me. I was a killer, and Juliet was justified in wanting to stop someone like me.
Some might say Kale’s playmate knew what she was risking by coming to a place like this, and they would be right. I didn’t let vampires kill in my club, but it still happened. Yet, I couldn’t even keep my own rules. Pathetic.
For a long time, I sat there, listening to the traffic on the streets beyond the club. The high began to ebb, and reality crept back in. I couldn’t accept that the FPA had Kale. What would they do to him? Kill him? Worse? I had to do something.
A few hours remained before dawn. I needed to get back inside, clean up and slip Shawn a handful of cash to take care of the body. I was supposed to meet Arys back at his place for sunrise. Until then, I had a few things to think about.
The club was almost empty. A few staff members lingered. Most of the rooms in the back hall were occupied. I could feel the mix of human and vampire energy. And Shaz. I could feel his wolf though he was nowhere to be seen. My stomach dropped.
With a few words to Shawn and the instruction to help himself to the cash from the register, I went to the washroom to wash the blood from my hands and face. It wasn’t as bad as I’d expected. Getting better at this whole blood-hungry killer thing wasn’t something I could get excited about.
I stood there staring at my reflection in the mirror. My eyes were the deep brown I’d always known them to be. It was more unnerving than if they’d been Arys’s enchanting blue. When I saw him within me like that, it was easier to blame my actions on the undead power rolling around inside me. Brown eyes. It was all me.
I left the ladies’ room and took a left into the back hall rather than a right toward the heart of the club. I shouldn’t do this. I told myself to stop, but one foot in front of the other, I drew closer to the door that beckoned me.
I knew what I’d find, knew I didn’t need that truth branded forever in my mind’s eye, yet I couldn’t turn back. No more hiding behind closed doors and words left unsaid. I reached the door marked with the number six, and my hand trembled on the knob.
Pushing the door open, I took in the scene before me, and everything began to spin. A tangle of naked limbs, the scent of sweat, and a startled shout all hit me at once. I stared in open-mouthed horror at my white wolf and his illicit lover as he scrambled to pull the sheets over them. But, it was too late.
Reality was a cruel mistress. I felt like the rug had been pulled out from under me. This was too much. This was where I surrendered. White flag. I’m done.
Shaz’s jade green eyes were locked on me. He sat there frozen, utter surprise etched on his face. His platinum hair was a mess. Red lipstick smears painted the corner of his mouth in a mocking shade of scarlet. Matching stains adorned his bare chest and neck. I didn’t want to see this, didn’t want to feel this knife twisting in my gut.