Chapter Eight
My head is aching when I waken to the bright sunlight streaming through the blinds. I must’ve cried myself into exhaustion and fallen asleep. I squint against the intensity and clumsily reach for my cell phone. Shit. 12:07. I have to be at work at 1 P.M. I sluggishly roll out of bed and trudge to the bathroom, thankful that my parents are nowhere in sight. Once in the shower, I let the hot water soothe my ragged body. The last few days have been eventful to say the least, and I haven’t allowed myself to process it all. I haven’t let myself feel, in fear that once I accept these emotions, allow these fears to come to life, they would take over. I can’t have that.
I shut the water off, vaguely wishing I could turn off my emotions just as easily. Just a flip of a switch or a turn of a knob and all feeling would cease. All crippling pain and frustration would just dissolve. I could go back to blissful ignorance and forget everything that I am, and what I was birthed to be.
Work is more of the same. I just don’t have it in me to deal with obnoxious teens and volunteer to stock a new shipment of tops. It is mindless work and I welcome the change from manufactured smiles and false courtesy. Now more than ever do I feel the need to make a decision about my future so I’m not stuck in this dead end job forever. A vibration in my back pocket indicates that I have a text message, breaking me from my forlorn thoughts.
From Jared, 4:56 P.M.
-Cops were here. U ok?
So I guess Cole actually put her detective skills to use. Useless trollop, I snicker to myself.
-Yeah, I’m good. At work.
-Ok. What I said last night… I meant it.
I smile at the tender memory and instantly perk up. Life is too short to wallow in self-pity. At least my life is. And here I have this amazing, totally gorgeous, kind, generous guy that genuinely likes me. He’s all I’ve ever wanted for years and now he wants me too! Why shouldn’t I take him up on his offer? Why do I even need to think about this? Jared could have any girl he wants yet he desires me. He wants to start a life together, he said so himself. I could be completely happy with him. It’d be the best of both worlds- best friends and lovers. A true fairytale ending. Yes! This could work!
But can it? Really?
Could we really build a future together based on a lie? I could never conceal what I truly am- half Light, half Dark. Both good and evil. And how would he feel about me having supernatural powers? He’d think I was a freak, like most of the population, surely. Could I hurt him accidentally? Could I hurt others?
The thought that I could be a potential danger to society stops me up short and I let the shirt I’m holding tumble to the ground. I don’t have anyone to help me in this, no one to guide me after I ascend. I won’t know how to use my powers. My mom said so herself- I am the first of my kind. Nothing my birth mother could write in a journal could prepare me for what to expect in 12 months. She didn’t even know. She was just hopeful that I would be something great. What if mixing the two forces is harmful to me? What if that much power kills me?
In all my mental turmoil, I have lost track of time and before I know it, it’s time to go home. I pack up the rest of the merchandise, grab my stuff and leave to drive the five minutes to Briargate.
“Just in time for dinner, Kiddo,” Chris says as I enter the kitchen. He’s setting the table.
“Cool, it smells good,” I remark washing my hands at the sink. “Need any help?”
“Um, could you check the dinner rolls, honey?” my mom asks, placing a bowl of tossed salad on the table. I grab a potholder and pull the bread out of the oven. By the time I turn with the bread basket, it’s time to eat our feast of honey baked ham, mashed potatoes, roasted brussel sprouts, fresh green salad, and buttery baked rolls. Sunday dinner: a reminder that no matter what, we’re still a family.
“So the cops went by Jared’s house,” I say, scooping out some potatoes onto my plate.
“And everything ok there?” Chris asks with a raised eyebrow, as he slices his ham.
I nod as I chew and swallow. “Yeah. Like I said, we had nothing to do with Summer’s death. Dad, when I tell you this girl was wasted… She was making a fool of herself. She tried to get Jared to go home with her but when he refused, she got irate. Tried to slap him and called us all kinds of names. I swear I just gave her a good shove. Just to get her to back off.” I pop a whole brussel sprout in my mouth. Chris nods, indicating that he believes me. Between him training me to box at the gym, 10 years of Karate instruction, and my overall distaste for dumb, slutty girls, he knows I could’ve seriously hurt the girl if I wanted to. The push was a warning shot.
“That poor girl,” Donna mumbles. “I wonder if she knew whoever it was that hurt her.” She looks somber, as if her own horrid memory of her attack has come back to haunt her.
“Well, I did overhear Morgan saying that she was crying on some guy’s shoulder afterwards.” A light bulb blinks to life in my head. “Maybe if Morgan could remember what he looked like, we could find out if he’s the Warlock that’s been killing all these girls.” I reach for my soda and take a sip. “And trying to kill me.”
“Honey, even if it is him, do you realize how easy it would be for him to change his appearance?” She’s been stabbing the same piece of lettuce with her fork for several minutes. “And to think, he was that close to you.”
“Well, let’s just hope he is too cocky to even think he needed to. Like you said, we are miniscule to them. They feel as if they are gods among mere mortals. Why waste magic on a bunch of dumb kids and risk a few wrinkles?” I chuckle at first but then dread washes over me, my eyes widening in horror.
“What?” Chris asks, alarmed at my sudden mood change. He looks around as if expecting an intruder and his fists clench tightly.
“How old will I be?” I mutter, my glossy eyes fixed on nothing in particular.
“What do you mean?” Donna asks, though I know she knows what I’m talking about. She puts her hand over mine.
“For the rest of my life? How old will I be forever?” I can’t even look at them.
“It all depends. If you use magic, it ages you. But you can draw from nature to replenish your powers and your youth. That takes longer than… you know. But you will be fine, I know you-”
“No!" I shriek, cutting her off. "You know what I mean! How old will I be? Tell me!” My outburst startles her and she looks to Chris for guidance.
“Twenty-one,” he answers somberly.
The only sounds Chris and Donna hear next are the scraping of my chair and the slamming of my bedroom door.
**********
For the next few days, I bury myself in schoolwork and my job at the mall. It’s hard to believe that just a week ago my biggest worry was getting to class on time. Now I’ve got my impending ascension in an unknown world of magic, an evil murderous stalker, the possible accusation of murder, and Jared’s proposition.
Oh, Jared. No matter how many times I try to rationalize it, I can’t put him at risk. He is so innocent. So ridiculously genuine and good. Subjecting him to this life that is still a mystery to even me is unfair. I would never forgive myself if something happened to him. I know he’s waiting on an answer from me but I just can’t find the words to explain it to him. Guess I’ll have to go with the semi-truth.
“So I’ve really put some thought into what we talked about the other night,” I say as we’re sitting in the atrium on campus. It’s Thursday and both of us have been in a weird space since our talk. Time to get it over with so we can go back to being normal. I miss my friend. “Right now, where my life is at, there are just too many uncertainties. But the one thing I am completely certain about is you. You are more important to me than you will ever know. Sometimes seeing you here is the only reason I wake up to come to class at all!” I chuckle nervously.
“I feel the same way,” he breathes, taking my hand into his, making me more than a little uncomfortable in such a public place. I don’t have the heart to yank it away.
“I need to be my very best for you. I can’t weigh you down with my indecisiveness and personal struggles. You deserve someone who’s got her shit together. I wish I could be that for you, God knows I do. But I’m not. And I have no idea if I’ll ever get it right,” I say looking down. My heart constricts in anticipation of his reaction.
“So what are you saying?” Jared asks flatly. I look up at him with fresh tears brimming my hazel eyes and he immediately softens, stroking my hand. Of course, he would be consoling me when I’m the one rejecting him. He is too damn good for me!
“Gabriella, I don’t want you to be anything else for me than what you already are. You could never weigh me down. Ever. Let me help you through your problems like you helped me through mine.”
“I can’t,” I choke, shaking my head. “I can’t do that to you. Not now. I can’t lose you and I’m afraid that if we move forward and things go wrong, I will. We’ll never be this way again, and I need your friendship.” One fat salty tear escapes the rim of my eyes and rolls down my cheek. Jared reads the pain etched in my face and nods. Acceptance washes over him and I exhale with relief. I don’t think I could have said another word without completely losing it.
“You won’t lose me. I’m not going anywhere,” he smiles. He leans over and kisses my forehead gently and the warmth of his lips instantly soothes me. He feels me relax under his touch and gives my hand a reassuring pat. “Now I think you owe me lunch today after breaking my heart,” he jokes, clutching his chest dramatically. I erupt with giggles, and it’s the first honest laughter I’ve had in days. I feel an enormous weight lifted off my shoulders.
“No problem, whatever you want!” I say, wiping my tear-streaked face with the back of my hand. I could use a bite to eat as well seeing as I haven’t had much of an appetite lately.
“Well, in that case, I’ll take a burger and fries. Oh, and one of those big cookies for dessert! To ease my pain, of course.” His eyes light up like a child. His glee is infectious and I smile brightly at him.
“You got it,” I say with a wink and head to the snack bar.
**********
Later that night after my shift at the store, I decide it’s time to pick up the book again. I had been avoiding it like the plague, not feeling strong enough to deal with any more disappointing revelations. Confronting my feelings for Jared has given me a newfound confidence. It’s time. I have to read on about my mother’s sacrifice to save my life.
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As I write these words to you, my precious child, I await your birth, which could be any day now. I know I am not there to prepare you for what is to come once you ascend and I know this platform is not sufficient enough to teach you all you need to know. But I sincerely hope it sheds some Light on the many questions I so desperately wish I was there to answer in person.
Children of the Light, and the Dark, are born with their power. However, it is limited until ascension which happens between puberty and adulthood, about 18 years of age. Yours will be delayed. Part of the deal I made with my kind was that you will be spelled, unable to ascend until your 21st birthday. This is to ensure that you are mature enough to conceal the identity of the Light. Since you will be raised by mortals, it had to be done to guarantee that you did not harm them or anyone else. The Light has agreed to let you live in peace so they will not be able to interfere with your upbringing. They also cannot protect you, at least until you ascend into the Light.
Before ascension, you must choose. The Light or the Dark. Your power will be different from both, however you must pledge your allegiance to one and only one. Please, my love, this is imperative. I do not want you to find the same fate as me. Once you have made a definite decision and are completely certain of it, you will ascend and all the wonders of the world will open up to you. You will see things you didn’t see before. You will feel things you never felt before. Your own kind will appear before you, even though mortals may not see them. You will gain incredible speed and strength. It will all be overwhelming at first but Donna and Chris will help you with the adjustment.
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So I have to choose? The obvious choice would be the Light. But why the hell would I want to belong to an alliance that murdered my mother? They knew I existed yet chose not to help me because I wasn’t one of them? I thought the Light was all about helping and healing. Where were they all these years? And now that it is common knowledge that someone wants to kill me, where are they now?
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I know you may have floundered for most of your life, and have felt unexceptional, to say the least. That is for your protection. You were spelled to appear unsuspecting, making it easier to hide you from those that wish to do you harm. From the Dark. They know you were allowed to live but they cannot find you. Donna will make sure your scent is dulled and there are other defensive tactics in place. My darling, I know it is cruel to subject you to a life of mediocrity when you are so phenomenal. However, you were not created to merely be an exceptional human. You were made to be an extraordinary force of Light.
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Defensive tactics? Ok, that makes sense. Explains why I’ve been allowed to live in peace and lead a mediocre life. I sigh in frustration and shake my head. So my entire existence has been constructed, molded so I could never succeed at anything. Never the prom queen, never the superstar athlete, never the student council president or even the straight-A student. I’ve been Nobody. Can I honestly say that up until this point that I know who I am? And now at 20 years of age, I am supposed to magically grow into the person I was destined to be. Humph.
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The most important thing you must remember is that the magic is in you. Forget everything you may have seen in movies or fairytale books. You will not need potions or spells. YOU are the magic. Your body is but a vessel for the amazing force that is within you. The Light you hold is the brightest, most magnificent that there ever was and with this Light, you will do great things. You alone, have the power to end centuries of wars and suffering between the Dark and the Light. You will bridge the gap, bringing peace and prosperity for all who follow you. And those who choose not to… you have the ability to annihilate with ease. I was weak, my dear. You will not be.
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Well, let me just forget about any plans I had for the rest of my life, because it seems my mother has it all mapped out for me. What if I don’t want to bring peace among the Dark and the Light? It’s not my fight; I don’t know anything about it. Come to think of it, I don’t want any part of this! If I have to ascend, fine. But I can then choose to lead a normal life and blend in with everyone else. The Light and the Dark have been doing it all this time, and so will I. I can do this. I will not be used as a pawn in a war that I have nothing to do with. The Light has failed to intervene and now innocent girls are dying. Why should I fight on their behalf?
I close my mother’s journal and put it back on the nightstand. That’s enough reading for today. Right on cue, my cell phone rings. My heart jumps in hopes that it’s Dorian but the caller ID indicates it’s Morgan.
“Hey, Bitch, what are you doing?”
“Homework,” I lie. “What about you?”
“Leaving work. So listen, I got these tickets for an exclusive salon opening tomorrow night. I want you to come with,” she says. I can hear her climbing into her candy apple red Mustang and revving it to life. The racy sounds of Rihanna blast through the sound system, causing me to hold the phone away from my ear until she’s turned it down.
“I don’t know, Morgan. You know that’s not really my scene,” I say apprehensively. Usually these things are full of schmoozing and boozing. I’m not one to turn down free drinks and food but I’m just not in the mood to deal with the fake and phony.
“Aw, come on, Gabs! I got the tickets from a really sweet client of mine and it will be a really great networking opportunity for me, being that I’ll be a licensed beautician in less than a month! She told me the salon will be amazing. And she’d even hook me up with an introduction!” she squeals. She really does sound excited.
“I thought you were staying at Posh once you got your license? They offered you a chair and everything, right?” Morgan is only officially a shampoo girl there since she’s still unlicensed, but the owner has been nice enough to let her actually cut and style to get some experience. Morgan already has quite a client base and it’d be stupid to leave.
“I know, and that’s still the plan. But I want to see what’s out there. This new salon only caters to the big spenders and VIPs. Even the grand opening is invite-only. My client is close with the owner and gave me tickets. She said she really thinks I have the talent to land a position there. This is the type of opportunity that veteran stylists dream about. Working in a place like that would really contribute to my future goals. Please Gabs! Pretty please!” Oh God, Morgan and her spoiled princess ways. But I love her and can never say no.
“Ok, ok. What time?” I ask, exasperated. If I don’t say yes now, I’ll have to endure an hour of her begging and whining.
“Great! I’ll pick you up at 8! And please, Gabs, wear something hot. I would dress you myself but I have to work. Love ya, babe!” And with that, she hangs up. That’s Morgan for you. Quick and to the point.
It then dawns on me that I’ve already made plans with Dorian for tomorrow. Shit! If I cancel on Morgan, she’ll be pissed, plus it is a good opportunity for her. I quickly text Dorian.
To Dorian, 9:04 P.M.
-What time did you want to meet tomorrow?
Oh, please say early in the day. I really don’t want to cancel our date. It’s the only thing I’ve been looking forward to all week!
Ding! Ding!
-Noon ok for you?
Whew, disaster averted.
-Noon is perfect :)
Damn me and those emoticons. But something about Dorian just makes me feel so flighty and giggly, I can’t help it. He’s so unexpected but oddly right on time. With all the crazy twists and turns my life has taken over the past week, he is a welcomed distraction. Hard to believe I only met him seven days ago. The chemistry we share is uncanny, unlike anything I’ve ever had with anyone else. Sure, there have been guys before. Even a couple guys I thought I could really like. But none of them measured up to Jared so they were more of a consolation prize. But now there’s Dorian. And frankly, there’s no comparison.
Dorian is an enigma that I want to decipher. I want to get to know him but I relish the mystery. I like the excitement of not knowing everything about him, and I want to take that journey of discovery. I want to know his likes, his dislikes. I want to know his fantasies. I want to be his fantasy. And as improbable as that may be, I’m willing to take the risk in trying. Why? Because I have nothing else to lose. I could be struck down by the Dark tomorrow and the last thing I want to die with is regrets. And if I do survive the next year, I’ll be 21 forever. Time to start living for today.
I flick off my light and try to drift off to sleep, excited to meet the daylight and see Dorian again. Friday can’t come soon enough.