Chapter Eighteen
I ring my parents, but they just hang up on me. I stare at the phone for about twenty minutes, wondering what kind of shit people they are. So I got pregnant? I don’t really see that as a reason to cut me out, more like a reason to support me when I’m clearly vulnerable. I try to ignore the hurt but it’s hard. They were far from perfect parents, but surely they had to care about me just a little? I know I shouldn’t be surprised. I wasn’t when they kicked me out, but being a mother to be I guess I can’t understand cutting your child out of your life without so much as a backwards glance.
I send Vinnie a text message asking if he could take me to run some errands. He replies instantly telling me he will be ready in five minutes. I get ready, dressing in a yellow baby doll dress and putting my hair up in a high ponytail. My hair is long and wavy and can be difficult to handle. Sometimes it needs to be beaten into submission, but it actually looks good today. I want to look nice and feel even better after that call with my parents and Dex’s absence.
I’m determined to make today a good one.
My phone beeps with a new message.
Dex: Stick with Vinnie today babe. Want you safe.
There needs to be an acronym for rolling my eyes. Maybe I could start one? RME?
Faye: RME! We will be fine. Come home safe, don’t worry about me.
Dex: Not possible.
Dex: WTF is RME?!
I start to giggle.
Faye: Rolling my eyes.
Dex: Babe.
Faye: What?
Dex: Be good.
Faye: I’m always good.
Dex: That’s what I’m worried about. Heading out.
Faye: Love you.
I click send, and then realize what the f*ck I just said. It came so naturally I didn’t even think. So much for a good day. I spend the next few hours at the library stressing over how Dex would take that message. He didn’t reply. He didn’t call. And now I’m freaked right out.
What if I’ve scared him off? What if he doesn’t feel the same?
I’m such an idiot. I told him I loved him for the first time via text message.
Who does that?
High school kids or cowards, maybe. I’m neither, but what I am is pretty damn embarrassed.
Vinnie and I get ice cream together, which is becoming routine for us. Every time he’s sent out to watch over me, we end up there, trying a different flavor each time.
“How’s the toffee?” I ask him, coveting his ice cream.
“Really good, how’s the strawberry?” he asks, taking a bite out of his cone.
“It’s okay,” I say, still staring at his.
He laughs knowingly. “I’ll get you a toffee one if you want.”
“That’s okay I’ll get one next time,” I say. “Guess what, I had a productive morning. I made up an acronym. RME... Rolling my eyes!”
Vinnie stares. “That already is one, you didn’t know that?”
“No,” I sulk. “How did you know that?”
So much for that. No one has ever said it to me before—just saying.
“You’re so f*ckin’ weird sometimes,” he muses, looking back to his ice cream.
“Is that bad?” I ask, my gaze darting to the door as someone enters.
My eyes widen when I see Eric standing there with a girl. His date maybe? Shit, this is awkward. He sees me and instantly walks over, taking in my appearance.
“Hey Eric, how have you been?” I ask. Then, feeling rude, I say, “This is Vinnie. Vinnie this is Eric.”
Eric nods his head at Vinnie, who—looking completely unimpressed— doesn’t respond with neither a word nor gesture.
“I’ve been okay, trying to call you. Did you get a new number or something?” he asks, the girl with him standing by awkwardly.
“I did.”
“I’ve been worried about you Faye.”
“Eric, I’m fine. Dex is taking good care of me,” I tell him.
“So it’s true,” he says, fists clenching. I don’t know exactly what he’s heard so I don’t deny or admit, I just shrug.
“What the f*ck are you doing to your life,” he sneers, shaking his head. Vinnie stands up at that comment, so I stand as well. “My brother will only bring you down!”
“Let’s get out of here Vin,” I say, giving Eric one last look.
“Goodbye Eric,” I say, smiling sadly.
He turns from me and faces his girl.
And I walk out of his life forever.
*****
I pour another round of tequila shots—not that I’m having any. The women decided to have their own party with just us; Mary, Jess, Allie, Cindy, and several other women I hadn’t met yet, but now can barely remember their names. They have all been doing shots, laughing and dancing, while I’ve been sipping on water and watching their antics from the safety of the couch. The prospects are all here, keeping an eye on things, and only letting in people who are meant to be here. They’ve been keeping the main fence locked so no one else can enter. Dex hasn’t contacted me since I sent ‘the message’, and I really don’t know what to think. I know he’s spoken to Vinnie, making sure everything is okay, so he’s not indisposed of and unable to pick up the phone. Allie sits next to me, making this day even worse.
“What?” I ask her, wanting to get this over with.
“God, you’re a bitch,” she say, downing a shot.
“What do you want Allie?” I ask, sounding tired. I relax against the couch, turning my body to face her.
“I wanted to apologize,” she says. I do a double take. Surely I heard wrong.
“About what?” I ask warily, suspicious lacing my tone.
“Being a bitch, hitting on Dex when I knew he was yours...”
I cut her off. “At least you’re honest.”
“After he left Renee he just had casual sex, well with anyone really,” she says, and I cringe.
Just what any woman wants to hear.
“But after he met you... Look Dex never cheated on his wife when they were together, he knows how to be faithful. He’s a good man. I knew what we had was casual, but I’d been hoping for more. My dad used to be in the MC, but he died three years back. That’s why they let me stay here, I’m family even if I’m no one’s old lady.”
That actually explains a lot. I feel bad for thinking she was kept around for other reasons...
“Apology accepted,” I say hesitantly. I’m not very good at forgiveness, I tend to just cut people out and move on with my life, but Allie lives here, and I can actually see things from her point of view. I’d fight for Dex too, so I can’t really hold that against her.
“And about Tracker...”
Tracker and I have a sort of strained friendship. Sometimes I catch him staring at me like he wants me but knows he can’t have me. I never lead him on, and I shouldn’t have been mad at him over Allie. I had no right. I saw it as a betrayal, not one as a lover but as a friend. The way I saw it, he slept with my enemy, and I didn’t like it.
But I was wrong to feel that way.
“Tracker is a good man,” I tell her, smiling.
“I like him a lot,” she admits, sighing heavily. “He has this piercing... and wow.”
Really?
“So what’s the problem?” I ask. It’s a little awkward that we kind of have the same taste in men. If I wasn’t head over heels for Dex...
Even I can see that Tracker is a good catch. He’s good-looking, caring, and has a sense of humor. And apparently an interesting piercing.
“Usual shit, he doesn’t want a commitment,” she says, sounding resigned. “No one here sees me as old lady material.”
“Well, hopefully it works out for you two,” I say with sincerity.
She gives me an odd look. “Thanks.”
Allie gets up and heads out of the room, just as Vinnie walks in and takes her place. “How you doing Vinnie?” I ask him. I notice him staring where Allie just exited from.
“Allie? Really?” I ask, surprised.
He throws me a look. “She’s pretty, that’s all.”
“So when do you patch in?” I ask him, using some of the biker lingo I’ve been picking up.
“Couple months hopefully,” he says, smiling.
“You must be excited” I say, leaning over and rubbing his bald head. “You’re a good man, you know that right?”
He’s put up with a lot of shit from me.
“Why are you rubbing my head?” he asks.
“For good luck.”
He laughs. “You’re crazy.”
“Crazy and tired,” I say, yawning. “I’m going to go to bed.”
“I’ll be up all night making sure everything’s okay,” he says, cracking his neck. Ew.
“Are you sure that’s necessary?” I ask, frowning.
“Rather be safe than sorry.”
“What about Liam and Trev?” I ask, referring to the other two prospects.
“I’ve been put in charge, not them. No way am I messing that up,” he says. I guess he must be under a lot of pressure to make sure nothing goes wrong while the rest of the men are away.
I kiss him on the cheek. “Goodnight then.”
“Night Faye,” he replies, looking down.
Was he feeling shy that I kissed him on the cheek? Grinning to myself, I head to bed.