Christmas on 4th Street (Fool's Gold #12.5)

While she was thrilled at the proposal, something about it wasn’t right. He said he would marry her, but made no mention of loving her. Why would he suddenly want to marry her?

He would stay with her? What on earth was he—

She groaned. “I heard from Tammy,” she said quietly, then pushed past him to stand in front of the computer. The message was brief and to the point.

Tears filled her eyes. She brushed them away and took a deep breath, then faced Gabriel.

“It’s not me. Tammy is a friend of mine. We met in the hospital. Obviously, her cancer is back. She was never very strong. This is going to go fast. She wanted me to know.”

There were calls she needed to make, she thought. A visit to plan. Tammy lived in San Francisco. She could go over for a few days. Tammy had a large family who would be with her, but Noelle would need to give her that last hug.

She shook her head, then turned to Gabriel, who was staring at her as if he couldn’t bring himself to believe her. “I’m fine,” she said firmly. “Not sick at all. You don’t have to propose. I’m not dying.”

“You’re sure?”

A simple question that cut like a knife.

“I’m sure.”

He drew in a breath. “I thought, well, you know what I thought.”

They stared at each other, then both looked away. What had once been comfortable was suddenly awkward.

He’d felt pity, she realized. He knew she was pretty much alone in the world, so he’d offered to be there for her. Not out of love, though. He’d never said he loved her.

She saw the truth then, about both of them. She squared her shoulders and prepared to put it on the line.

“I’m too strong for you,” she said flatly. “I don’t know why I didn’t see it before. I suppose I was blinded by your good looks and charm. And how you made me feel. I appreciate what we’ve had together. You’re a great guy, but you’re not the one for me.”

She drew in a breath. “I deserve someone who wants to be with me for the next eighty years, not just eight weeks. It’s not about dying, because you’re right. We could all go tomorrow. But what if we don’t? What if I live to be a hundred? I want to be with a man who would celebrate that.”

Gabriel stared at her, uncomprehending. “I wanted to help,” he said quietly. “I would have taken care of you.”

“I don’t need that,” she told him. “I can handle whatever happens. I’ve proven that. I’ve lived through things you can’t imagine. I am taking chances every day and I deserve someone who will take those chances with me.” She gathered her courage. “I look at a sunrise and I see promise. You look at a sunrise and count the hours until sunset. Life is a gift and we need to accept it with gratitude and a full heart. I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t believe that with me.”

“I would have stayed,” he said haltingly.

“I know. But for the wrong reasons.”

“I’m not ready to leave you.”

“Do you love me?”

He took a single step back and that was enough.

“Goodbye, Gabriel.”

Chapter 15

The twenty-third passed quickly. The store was busy, which helped Noelle not to think. She hurt more than she’d thought possible. Losing Gabriel was even more painful than losing Jeremy had been. But no matter the giant hole in her heart, she knew she’d made the right decision. She was all in and she needed to be with someone who was willing to be the same. Gabriel wasn’t willing to take a leap of faith and she couldn’t be the only one in the relationship who was.

But all the logic in the world didn’t keep her from missing him, she thought as she walked home. Worse, people had stopped by to ask about him, wanting to thank him for his help or wish him a merry Christmas. Noelle hadn’t wanted to go into details, so she’d said he was with his family. An explanation easily accepted in a town like Fool’s Gold.

Now as she turned up her walkway, she told herself she would be fine. It was just a matter of time. She would fall out of love with him eventually. In the meantime, she could take pride in making the right decision, even though it was hard. He’d wanted to do the right thing, even if was for the wrong reason. She appreciated the effort, but it wasn’t enough.

She walked into her tiny house, flipping on lights as she went. The cats raced to greet her. She petted as many as she could reach, then went into the kitchen to start their dinner service. After everyone had been fed, she cleaned up the litter box. She’d barely finished washing her hands when her doorbell rang.

“Did one of you order pizza?” she asked, walking to the door. “I believe we talked about that. Don’t make me have to lock up my credit cards.”

She opened it to find Felicia, Isabel and Patience on her porch. Behind them were several other women she knew, including Jo, from Jo’s Bar. Jo was holding a very large, industrial-looking blender.