His nostrils flared as he pierced me with his eyes. “Are you kidding me? All you do is blame yourself for your friend’s death. I get it. You just found out today, but I’m not going to let you keep blaming yourself. That’ll screw with your head. I want you to mourn your friend, but you have to have the facts straight. You need to start doing it in a healthy way and your head’s not clear, not when it comes to your roommate. I’m trying to help you with this guy. He’s scum, but he was scum that your roommate brought in. You had no say over him. She brought him in. She stayed with him. She chose to go to him. Not you. I want you to be clear - you couldn’t have stopped her from going to this guy. You can’t blame yourself for that.”
“And making me take inventory on Ben is going to help that?”
He lifted his hands. “It’s a start. You need to really look at him for who he is. You never did. I heard you interact with him before. You thought he was annoying and stupid. You laughed at him. You never took him serious. You did what most girls do, you only see the surface. Every person gives you an image of what they want you to see. This ass**le looked pathetic to you, maybe lovesick?”
Everything was swirling inside of me. I was confused by what he was saying, but I only wanted to yell at Ben. He took her from me. He shouldn’t have taken her from me. “Make him pay, Emma. Promise!” Amanda’s shout came back to me and I shook my head. She was right. I was tired of Carter’s lesson.
I started forward for him, but Carter hauled me back. His hand stayed on my arm. “What were you going to do?”
“I...” I had no idea.
He sighed in frustration, raking a hand through his hair. His shoulders bunched as he lifted his arm and the sleeve of his shirt slid down. His bicep doubled in size before his arm went back down. For some reason, I couldn’t look away from his arm. His muscle folded back into place, but every part of him was sculpted to perfection.
“Are you checking me out?” His tone held a trace of amusement.
“What? No.” But I was. My cheeks warmed and I hung my head. How could I do that? At this time, at this place?
He chuckled, “Don’t beat yourself up. You’re stalling. I’d stall too.” He sighed as he hooked a foot underneath Ben’s stomach. He flipped him over. One of his arms hit the couch and stayed there. It couldn’t slide back down from its awkward angle. Then Carter gestured to him and stepped back again. “Okay. Look at him again. Tell me what you see.”
I had no idea. Nothing. He had on a nice shirt. There was cash in his front pocket. His jeans didn’t look as baggy from the front and there were no stains. Even his shoes seemed new. Wait. His shoes were new. He was clean-kept. He had money. He had a working phone. He had drugs. My mouth dropped open.
“Getting it now?”
“He was high. I thought-”
“You thought what?” He was calm.
“I thought he was desperate and sad. Maybe he didn’t know what he had done when he...” I couldn’t say it. I should, but I couldn’t. It was too soon.
“He gutted your roommate. He murdered her and he’s not desperate, Emma.” Carter grabbed the phone, pulled out the money, and picked up the knife. “He’s got keys. That tells me he’s got somewhere to go. He’s got money, so he’s not here to score quick cash. He’s got drugs. That means he’s got his next hit already with him. And he’s got a second knife. My guess is that this is his favorite one. He used Amanda’s knife on you, and he came with a gun. Where’d he get the gun?”
I shook my head. “It might be the one I used on Dunvan.”
“Nope,” Carter negated that. “My men took care of that one. This was his. He came here with a gun of his own, Emma. Put it all together. What are you getting?”
I shrugged. I was so tired, so damn tired of it all. I felt myself growing numb again and shutting down. He murdered Mallory. The son of a bitch killed my friend and took away her baby. We could’ve, at least, had the baby. I wouldn’t have cared if it was from Dunvan. It would’ve been half Mallory. She was a good person. The child would’ve been a good person too.
I wiped a tear away and sat on the other couch.
Carter sighed. His tone softened, “I’m sorry if I’m hurting you, but I’m helping you too right now. I’m trying to get you ready because he’s going to wake up soon. Right now you’re thinking that he didn’t know what he did and he’s going to use that on you. He’s going to beg and plead. He’s going to cry. He’s going to use every trick he can think, but that’s not the truth. None of it is. He knew what he was doing, Emma. He killed her and he bragged about it. You heard him. ‘We saw his handiwork?’ He wasn’t here to kill Amanda. He could’ve done that right away. He was waiting for you. He knew what he was doing. Look past his surface and get a feel for him inside. What do you feel? Use all of it. Add it all up in your mind.”
I shook my head. I couldn’t. He was pushing me too hard. “Why are you doing this to me?” I started to turn away.
He caught my arm and pulled me back. “Because you need to know everything and have all the facts in your head. I won’t let you walk out of this apartment with regrets. Those will eat you up inside and I love you too much to watch you go through that. You’re going to make a decision on what to do with him and you’re going to own it. You have to know everything first.”
Carter Reed
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