“She committed suicide.”
“Oh, Dawson. I’m so sorry,” she says, tears glistening in her eyes. “I just found out today that my mom committed suicide.”
I pull her close and run my hand across her silky hair. “When did that happen?”
“When I was in kindergarten.”
“Harlow was in kindergarten when Whitney died.”
“I feel bad for the girls for losing their mother, but I can say that my dad and I are very close because of it.”
“And he just now told you it was suicide?”
“It was ruled an accidental overdose when it happened. She suffered from depression and mixed her medicine with alcohol. When I was going through the old stuff at my dad’s today, I found a box full of letters she wrote to me. Like for when I got married or got my period. My dad thought it was an accident until he found them a few weeks after she died.”
“But you just saw them for the first time today?”
“Yes. My dad didn’t give them to me. I can see why, now. It looks like she started writing them when she took the pills because some were neat and very coherent. Others were messy and didn’t really make sense.”
“Still, it must have been tough to take.”
She nods. “Your daughters seem so happy. It’s hard to believe they lost their mom.”
“The first few months were really hard on them. And me.”
She brushes her fingers through my hair and kisses me. “Probably hardest on you. Is that why you wished for forgiveness? Do you feel like it was your fault?”
“Let’s talk about happier things,” I say, changing the subject. The last thing I want to talk about when I’m in bed with a beautiful woman is the mess Whitney left me with. “Like these,” I say, trailing my finger across her nipples.
MONDAY, OCTOBER 6th
Captive Films - Santa Monica
RILEY
I walk in my office mid-morning on Monday to find Dawson telling Dallas about how happy he is that his girls got along so well with Vanessa this weekend.
“How’s the hand?” Dallas asks me.
I hold my cast up and shrug. “Dawson, you’re supposed to fuck Vanessa, not fall in love with her and introduce her to the girls. You haven’t even been here a week yet. And Vanessa is a freaking man eater. She chews guys up and spits them out.”
“It won’t be that way with me.”
“You didn’t listen to us when we told you not to marry Whitney. Listen to me now.”
“Riley, I did listen. I knew life with Whitney wouldn’t be what I dreamed of. I knew our relationship wasn’t going to be the true love, happily ever after stuff in the movies you make. But I knew I wanted to be a part of Ava’s life. Once I held her in my arms, I was willing to forgo my own happiness for her. And it was the right decision, Riley. I have two amazing daughters. And I’d go through everything I went through with Whitney again, because of them. What you aren’t seeing is what Vanessa does to me. How she makes me feel.”
“How does she make you feel?”
“Like I’m eighteen again and the world is full of options. But, this time, I’m smart enough not to let her go.”
“What do you mean, this time?”
“Remember Keatyn’s eighteenth birthday party?”
“Yeah.”
“What do you remember about it?”
“Ariela’s tight red dress. Drinking. Dancing all night.”
“Do you know what I did at the party, Riley?”
“I remember what I did.” Dallas interjects. “Met, danced, and made out with RiAnne all night. Now, look at us married with four kids and another on the way.”
“We know the story, Dallas,” I say. Then I turn back to my brother. “I’m assuming you danced and partied too?”
“Yes, but with who?”
“Everyone?”
“Wrong. Vanessa. We danced and kissed all night too. It was one of the best nights of my life, and I didn’t even get laid.”
“I did,” Dallas coughs.
Dawson laughs.
“So, Dawson, why didn’t you stay in contact with her if it was so amazing?”
“She was still in high school here, and I was looking forward to college in New York. But, that doesn’t mean I ever forgot her. Just like you’ve never forgotten Ariela.”
“Point for Dawson,” Dallas quips.
It’s not that you haven’t moved on,” Dawson continues, “or that you haven’t had other relationships. It’s just that she’s always been in the back of your mind.”
“Keatyn would say that’s true love,” Dallas says.
“Yes, she would,” Keatyn says from behind us. She pats Dawson’s shoulder. “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but I’m so happy for you. I had no idea about you and Vanessa. I remember you kissed at my party but neither one of you ever said much about it.”
“Seeing her again wasn’t even something I thought about when I took this job, but it certainly has made me want to stay.”