“Didn’t he want children?”
I take a gulp of champagne. Why the hell am I talking about this? I don’t talk about it to anyone.
Not even Keatyn knows the details of how it all went down.
“I, um, it’s not something I want to discuss.”
He nods, while studying my eyes. “I understand. But, Vanessa, just so you know, you can tell me anything.”
“Does that go for you too?”
“What do you mean?”
“Why haven’t you worked for the last two years?”
“My wife left.” He pauses for a moment, seeming to reconsider his words. “Actually, that’s not exactly right. My wife, um, she died.”
My eyes get huge and I feel horrible for prying, especially when I see tears shining in his eyes. “I’m sorry. That must have been horrible for you.”
“It was. That’s why I stopped last night. It’s not because I didn’t want you. I just, well, you’re the first woman since . . .” His voice trails off.
And I’m thinking no fucking way. He hasn’t been with anyone since she died? Two years ago? Oh, god, no. Please tell me he went out and got laid like I did after Bam. I just wanted to be fucked.
But I don’t want that with Dawson, because I want . . . I want . . . Ohmigawd. I want him to love me. I don’t want to be the girl he fucks to get over his dead wife.
“Since, uh, when?” Please say since you’ve been in California.
“Since she died.”
Shit. I’m so fucked.
Thursday, October 2nd
Four Seasons Hotel - Las Vegas
RILEY
“Riley, you’re drunk. I don’t think this is a good idea,” Jennifer says, trying to get away from me.
I give her my sexy grin and pull her back onto my lap. “You were grinding on me all night and gave me a lap dance in the club. Got me hot.”
“I’m sorry. I was just dancing.”
“On my dick.”
She rolls her eyes. “Fine, I was a little drunk and dancing in a totally fun but inappropriate way.”
I slide my hands up her shirt. “I like inappropriate.”
She pushes my hands down. “Riley, you’re drunk.”
“So?”
“I don’t want to have sex with you when you’re drunk. We’re going to be working together. I don’t want to mess up our business relationship.”
“Fine, you’re fired.”
“You can’t fire me. I have a contract.”
“Dallas always gives me a way out.”
She frowns, gets up, and walks toward the huge bank of windows overlooking the strip.
I follow her. My horny thoughts conjuring up visions of fucking her from behind while we both look out at the lights. That would be a beautiful shot in a movie, actually.
I wrap my arms around her, pulling her ass against my hardness. “I was just thinking. . .”
“Just stop it, Riley,” she cries.
And it hits me that she’s actually crying.
This sobers me up.
“What’s wrong? Are you crying?”
“Yes, you jerk, I’m crying. I like you. And you’re ruining it. If sex is all you want—if you aren’t interested in me, or in being friends—then just get the fuck out of here, call Dallas, and get me fired.”
I start to feel nauseous.
“Uh, excuse me,” I say, but I only get as far as the ice bucket before throwing up.
“Gross,” she says, coming to help me. “I’ll call down for some coffee.”
I throw up again and then shake my head. “Make it a nice greasy cheeseburger, fries, and a Coke.”
“That sounds good,” she says, taking the ice bucket away from me and handing me a larger version, one that held the magnum of champagne we drank to pre-party.
I hear her ordering room service and slide to the floor with the bucket, praying I didn’t just screw everything up.
Dawson’s beach house - Malibu
DAWSON
My heart goes out to Vanessa for not only having a miscarriage, but also for not being able to get pregnant again. I can tell it’s something that hurts her deeply, and I’m pretty sure, based on the little she said, that her husband wasn’t supportive.
Whether or not I was a supportive husband is a question that has gone through my head a million times over the last two years. Was I a good husband? Is it my fault Whitney’s dead? Did she know I wouldn’t stand by her?
It’s weird how you can look back on your life and so clearly see all the mistakes you made. If you knew then what you know now, how would your life be different? Or would it be? For example, would I have used the condoms Whitney gave me when we had sex or used my own?
I was going to tell Vanessa about my daughters tonight. But, after her admission, I’m thinking now’s not the right time.