“I’m sorry I ever dragged you into this godforsaken world, Shaz.” I sat heavily on a concrete parking curb, staring at my feet. “It destroys everything.”
“I don’t blame you for anything, Lex. You’ve never forced me into a situation I wasn’t willing to be in. We’re not human. Not even close. This world is ours, vampires and all.”
My heart sunk. “You like it. And, I hate that.”
He joined me on the curb. We didn’t look at each other or touch. It was too awkward to pretend that everything was ok.
“You like it, too. What do you expect? We can’t go through the motions of what normal life used to be. There is no nine to five job, no minivan full of kids and no picket fence. Not for us. I don’t know about you, but I need more than that anyway.”
I nodded, bitter with the truth he spoke. I was a mess of jealousy, hurt and guilt. “I don’t want to be one of them.” The confession slipped out, but it felt good to give voice to it. “The thought terrifies me, and I can’t tell Arys.”
Shaz did look at me then. Guarded concern shone in his eyes. “You’re not going to do anything stupid, are you?”
“How much stupider could my actions possibly get right now?” I laughed bitterly.
“I’m serious. Don’t you dare do anything to put yourself in danger, or worse. If you do something drastic, if you leave me here without you …” He didn’t have to finish that thought. The fear that gripped him was palpable even though I tried to shield his energy.
The wolf in me wanted to nuzzle him, to adorn him with wet wolf kisses. “Honestly, right now, I feel like throwing myself in front of a train, but I’d never do it. You know that. I’ve come too far to go out like that.”
His expression was scrutinizing. I wasn’t lying. Werewolves can detect a lie, an advantage that even vampires didn’t seem to have. Finally he nodded, and some of the tension he’d been holding slipped away.
A particular question was floating around in my head, demanding that I spit it out. It was there, on the tip of my tongue, but I bit it back repeatedly. With a frustrated growl I blurted it out. “Why here, Shaz? With the vampires and blood whores that are nothing but junkies. Why not with Arys and me?”
I watched his eyes go wolf, and anger had his beast glaring out at me. “Wow. That’s selfish, Lex. You know how I feel about Arys. He’s not the easiest guy to deal with. I love you. You have to know that. But, just like you can’t get everything you need from me, there are things I can’t get from you either.”
That hurt. It was brutal in its truth, and like they say, the truth f**king hurts. I heard a roar in my ears, like the sound of an entire ocean crashing over me. With my cheeks burning and pulse racing, I got up and walked away. One foot in front of the other, I walked down the street with no destination.
Shaz’ words rang in my ears. He was right. I was being selfish because I didn’t want to hear that. He deserved to find his own way, too. I knew that. I just couldn’t accept it yet.
I could hear him calling my name. He would come after me because that’s who he was.
I wanted to fall to all fours and run blindly through the streets seeking escape. But, nothing would make this all go away. I could run, but my past would be with me. Always.
I reached the end of the block when Shaz caught me. He was aggressive, grabbing me with clawed fingers that cut into my flesh. I yelped from surprise more than pain.
“You don’t get to walk away from me! I’m sorry if you don’t like what you hear, but we have to be honest with each other. You can’t stand to hear it? Well, how do you think I feel?” Shaz bared fangs at me as his wolf pushed to break free. “How do you think it makes me feel to see those vampires crawling all over you? To have to share you with them? It makes me sick.”
I recoiled in horror, wanting to escape both Shaz and his awful words. “So running off to get a few vampires of your own is the solution? Isn’t that a bit hypocritical?”
His voice dropped suddenly, soft but deadly. “Maybe you’re not the only one with a dark side.”
Before I could fire back a retort, a sharp pain shot through my skull, blinding me. Maxwell stepped out of the shadows flanked by two lackeys. His assault on me was fierce, and I dropped like dead weight hitting the ground. With a commotion, the vampires quickly took Shaz down. I fought to see through the agony tearing through my brain. I was helpless.
Maxwell was a blur when he crouched beside me. The black veil of unconsciousness began to steal over me, and I struggled against it.
The last thing I saw was his mocking smile as he gazed down at me. “I’ve got to say, so far it has been a real pleasure doing business with you, Bitch.”
Chapter Fifteen